What is Marriage?

Yes, I'm a Christian.  Therefore I subscribe to the Christian viewpoint on the subject of Marriage.  It is a sacrament created by God, and no government (or court) has the right to redefine it.

But the principles behind Christian marriage do not need the Christian Faith to be valid.  I'm going to define what marriage is in terms of the family and how a stable marriage is at the core of a healthy and vibrant society.

Marriage transcends history, going back to Adam and Eve.  Nearly every culture on the planet has embraced marriage as the natural partnership between a man and a woman formed for the purpose of raising a family.  So although my monotheistic bias says that God is God and he created marriage for all mankind but some cultures forgot about Him but didn't forget about marriage.

Traditional marriage was demonstrated as recently as with my own grandparents, who were farmers.  My grandparents married at a very young age, somehow acquired a small farm with a run-down shack without plumbing or electricity.  They didn't just love each other, but they needed each other.  Not in the sense conveyed by a country song, but they needed each other to perform a specific and vital set of responsibilities.

Grandpa planted and cultivated the crops, practiced animal husbandry, kept the fences in good repair, and kept the family shack sound enough to shelter his brood.

Grandma managed the chickens, raised 5 children, kept the shack as clean as she could, and cooked for her family.

The children were vital parts of the family farm as well.  As soon as they could walk, they were given simple chores such as collecting eggs and feeding chickens and taking out the trash.  As the children grew, they were given increasingly complex and demanding chores.

My grandparents would never have imagined today's pressures on married couples.  They didn't have time or the slightest inclination to take up extramarital affairs.  They didn't have enough wealth to fight over.  Life on the farm was a continuous struggle to bring in a big enough crop to keep the family afloat through the winter.  Getting enough money together to buy shoes or Sunday clothes for the children was a luxury mostly hoped for.

After World War II, things started to change.  Soldiers came back from war and used the GI Bill to go to college.  The former soldiers found employment in industry, where for the first time they were proudly able to become the sole support for their families in a brand new suburban lifestyle.  My own parents were too young for the war, but still shared the same vision for the American Dream as those returning soldiers.  That suburban life was easy.  That generation worked hard and achieved nice homes, television sets, indoor electricity and plumbing, two cars in the garage, and all the food they could eat.

Dad worked hard while Mom stayed home and raised my generation in the same spirit as my grandparents.  But my generation didn't appreciate their sacrifices that led to their success.  We felt entitled to our parent's newfound luxury.  We didn't learn the lessons of our parents about hard work and Christian values.

As I coasted through High School and College, I dated lots of girls who were modern and "liberated".  I lost count of the number of young ladies who would sneer at her parents' old-fashioned attitudes and values.  How many times did I hear something like,

"I refuse to conform to a society that forces women to be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen". 

I found it just a bit ironic that a number of the women who had expressed that attitude getting married only a few short years later (in some cases a few short months).

I got the point.  They were mainly saying that they didn't want their mothers' lives, stuck at home raising a brood of children.  They wanted their own careers.  And many of them achieved their own careers, but they also got married and had children of their own.

Along came daycare.  All these women in my generation wanted a career.  But they also wanted families.  The culture told them at every turn, "You can have it all!".  They embraced that message.

But their families paid a terrible price.  The children were raised by minimum-wage daycare workers instead of their parents.  There was no time to instill any values.  These children became practically feral, raised only by television and popular culture.

And as families became more and more dysfunctional, unhappy couples looked for a way out.  Men started trolling for women in the office for a fling, and women started looking for greener pastures with men in their own workplaces.  So by the time I came of age and was married, the news was that the milestone had been reached where approximately half of all marriages ended in divorce.

Divorce became commonplace to the point where many couples divorced as easily as high school sweethearts "broke up".  Only there were usually children involved in most divorce cases, and the children were emotionally devastated by their parent's inability to keep the family together.

Now we live in a time where the intact, stable, nuclear family is an anachronism.  Women who choose to stay home to raise their children are ridiculed.  Especially those who birth more than 2 children.  The family isn't "cool".  40 percent of children are born to unmarried mothers, something that in my grandparents' generation would have been considered scandalous in every case.

My case is that the Christian view of marriage is something that desperately needs a comeback.  Men have to lead this comeback by demanding that their future wife:

• Is a virgin
• Is committed to having children and staying home to raise them in their formative years
• Will promise to be his wife until death, and actually mean it.
• Absolute Fidelity
• Will agree to accept the husband's decision on the big things if they disagree

In return, the man must commit to his own promises:

• Unconditional love for his wife, also keeping himself from sexual experiences until marriage
• Considering her feelings and opinions in every big decision and make the big decisions wisely
• To be her husband until death, and actually mean it
• Absolute Fidelity
• To provide for her and the children for life

Of course, Christian traditions would add the promise from both partners to raise their children in the Christian faith.

Yes, I know. Modern folks who might read all this would laugh and make fun of me.  Some would accuse me of hateful things like sexism and say they think I'm some sort of abuser of women.

My defense is that these principles have worked wonderfully well throughout the history of man.  They lead to healthy and successful families and stable, prosperous societies.  Sexually transmitted diseases would be eliminated for all who choose this path, and children will be happy, healthy, intelligent, and emotionally stable.