The Big Secret

Sorry fellow members of my gender, I'm going to let the cat out of the bag. The following is the result of a 48-year study by the Institute for Theoretical Social Behavioral Studies (ITSBS), and is based on empirical observation of hundreds of adult relationships.

Have you ever seen couples that are disgustingly happy? You know, always together, exhibiting public displays of affection, never seeming to argue, and so on.

Here's the secret: The female of the couple knows and applies the simple principles of conditioned response, aka behavior modification.

Face it, men are uncomplicated creatures. And despite all the "modern feminist" protestations otherwise, women want a caveman. In a contest for woman's affections between the caveman and the "sensitive, thoughtful, empathetic" girly man, the caveman ALWAYS wins.

It's probably something about the fact that the caveman is uncomplicated, strong, and dominant. Women want that alpha male who is going to protect her against the dangers of the outside world. It is simple instinct. And why the "nice guys" finish last.

Paradoxically, once the female of the species has trapped her choice caveman, she is not satisfied. Because being a new feminist thinker, she believes she can domesticate him. Unfortunately, most women are clueless as to what approach works best in that effort, and they either remain unhappy in their "bad relationship" or dump the bum (assuming he doesn't dump her first).

What do the successful women do that lets them have their caveman and domesticate him too? They understand and employ those basic principles proven long ago with Pavlov's dog and used by animal trainers everywhere. Conditioned Response.

When you get to the root needs of the average male animal, there are only 3:

• Food
• Sex
• Toys/Games (aka Cars & Sports)
  

Not necessarily in that order.

Women who understand Conditioned Response and employ it with maximum effectiveness are the women who can rule the world (or at least their house). And the best accomplish all this without the man ever realizing through expert application of the above 3 rewards.

It's very simple, really. Using some variation of rewards which meet the 3 driving needs, the female may entice her caveman to, say, mow the lawn, with an immediate reward that includes an effective combination of some or all the three. The better the perceived reward, the more likely the behavior is to be repeated. For another example, if the female catches her caveman picking up his socks and rewards him with a memorable experience from among the big three, it won't be long before he's picking up his socks without even being asked.

Nagging and cajoling and other forms of verbal and nonverbal punishment, the most common methods employed by modern women, have proven to have the opposite effect. Such responses to a man's behavior are known as Extinguishers, and the more they are attempted, the less likely the man is to respond. But unfortunately, most women never seem to learn this simple but important lesson, and thereby doom themselves to a life of anger, hostility, and disappointment. Because no self-respecting caveman will ever consciously allow a women to dominate him, but will instead withdraw into his cave or avoid contact with the female to eliminate the source of irritation.

Thus proves the thesis of this study, that the happiest and most successful women are able to get whatever they want from their mate through a simple understanding of Conditioned Response. So the next time you see one of those deleriously happy couples out there, observe the micro-level conditioned response at work, and you will find the practitioner is nearly always the female.