The Difference between Men and Women

Here is a list of observable differences between men and women. Some of the following is borrowed, some is my own:

RELATIONSHIPS:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, she will either gain or lose 30 pounds, then she will find a new guy and get on with her life.

A man seems to get over it very quickly and say nothing to his friends, except six months after the breakup, in a drunken haze at 3AM on a Saturday night, he will call and say, 'I just called to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, I hate you, you're a whore. I still believe there's a chance for us, just give me another chance.' By Sunday afternoon he's forgotten all about it, and besides, would not admit it ever happened in front of his friends.

MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are focused on playing video games and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

MAGAZINES:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and shouldn't be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. No man would be able to identify more than 20 of those items.

SHOPPING:
A woman goes to the mall for the day to wander through all of the stores and look at or try on every item before finally settling on the things she wants to purchase. A man discovers he needs a new pair of jeans, drives to the nearest store that sells jeans and buys the first pair of the appropriate size off the rack, then goes home.

GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the grocery store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.

CATS:
Women love cats. Men pretend they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

OFFSPRING:
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, read a book, talk on the phone, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, at least twice or until it stinks, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. Most men don't understand why that only works on TV.

MIRRORS:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror once a day. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections constantly in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, some man's bald head.

MENOPAUSE:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. The male equivalent of Menopause provokes a uniform reaction...he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, flirts obnoxiously with 20-something women, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

TOYS:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Home Theatres with Surround Sound. Pool tables. Video game Systems. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six batteries to operate.

MOVIES:
Women want to see the proverbial "chick flick", which is usually a dramatic tear-jerker film about relationships. Men like action, adventure, and science fiction films. Each will accompany the other to their favorite movie genre only when there's an expected direct benefit to be received afterward.

JEWELRY:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone.

TIME:
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same definition of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.

FRIENDS:
Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are 'Pass the Doritos' or Got anymore beer?'

RESTROOMS:
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, 'Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?'