Who Wants to Live Like That?

"I wouldn't want to live like that".

The most common comment I hear from people who seem to support the tragic court orders withholding hydration and nutrition (food & water) from Terri Schiavo.

Is it really true what the media is reporting, that 70% of Americans think the government should butt out and let Terri die in peace? Is it really true that 70% of Americans think it's OK to starve someone to death if they are living a life most of us would find of low quality?

I've heard outrageous rhetoric from both sides of the issue. One side suggests the original cause of Terri's condition was brought on directly through abuse by her husband, and there are all sorts of evil motives behind his fight to keep her parents away and starve her to death. On the other side are claims that Terri feels no pain, is somehow happy to be in her final hours, and that a feeding tube represents some sort of artificial life support.

As I always try to do in every issue, I've bypassed all the hype and spin to get to the basic facts of the case. Only by thinking about what we know for sure can we make a reasoned decision about how we feel about whether we're killing Terri by starving her to death or merely letting her die by removing medical treatment.

The facts: Terri is profoundly brain-damaged, but does not require any special medical treatment to keep her alive. There are conflicting stories about whether she receives nutrition via feeding tube because she's incapable of ingesting food and water, or whether the feeding tube is merely for convenience of her caregivers, as feeding her normally would be similar to feeding an infant.

Also being argued is whether or how much Terri is able to feel, interact, understand, etc. There seem to be plenty of opinions ranging from those who say she is awake, aware, and even responds to others by smiling and grunting, to those who try to suggest she is "brain dead". Where is the line exactly drawn where anyone could be declared "brain dead"? I certainly don't know, but more importantly, who gets to decide?

So, the courts have ruled that Terri must die. The interpretation of the law as I understand it is that her husband, as her legal guardian, has the right to make that decision on her behalf. Her death is to occur by the simple removal of food and water until she dies of dehydration and/or malnutrition.

Is this where our society has arrived? Are we now prepared to starve people to death based on our own feelings about whether their quality of life matches our own standards? How does this case effect what might happen to our grandparents, our parents, ourselves?

The description of Terri's functional level I recently heard was that of about a 10-month-old infant. That certainly doesn't sound "brain dead" to me. How many Alzheimers patients are in nursing homes everywhere who could also be described as functioning at the level of a 10-month-old infant? Is their quality of life any better or worse? Should we starve them to death as well?

How many family members, whether spouses or children, might be tempted to use the Terri Schiavo precedent to kill their disabled loved one? How easy could it be to simply go tell the judge that "Dad told me not to let him live like that, so I am requesting that we remove his nutritional treatments so he can die in peace". After all, if Dad doesn't die soon, the nursing home is going to get all of his estate and his living children won't get their inheritance. Is that OK with everyone?

Thinking about Christopher Reeve. He really shouldn't have survived his accident, then nobody expected him to live nearly as long as he did. Without the unbelievably expensive yet innovative medical care, along with his own very strong desire to live, he proved that life finds a way. Wouldn't most people in his condition also say, "I wouldn't want to live like that"? Should Christopher Reeve been allowed to die by removing his respirator?

Where does it end? Should we just euthanize cancer patients, people with disabilities, Down's Syndrome, amputees, paraplegics, quadriplegics, schizophrenics, obsessive-compulsives, depressed people? What is "quality of life"? Who has it and who doesn't? Most of all, who gets to decide?

I think we've crossed a line that we may never again be able to re-cross. And I'm very frightened and depressed.

WAIT! I didn't mean I don't want to live like this. Please don't kill me!

Spring Break

Here it is, my Spring Break Post! I'm looking forward to some warm weather, relaxation, and time with extended family.

So as promised, to follow up on my pet peeves, I'll turn to the positive side and post my favorite things. These are the best things I've experienced in my life, many of which will never happen again. I know a lot of this dates me, but so what. Maybe new, enen better things will happen in the future. But some memories are so good I'm sad that they'll always just remain memories while being happy they happened in the first place.

Favorite Things/Memories:

• shooting baskets
• snorkeling in Hawaii
• Singing in front of a huge crowd of Russians who were loving it
• The whole performing tour of Russia, Latvia, and Poland
• Dress Rehearsals for Musicals & Operas at College
• 2AM Breakfasts with friends at Sambo's (Think Denny's in 1977)
• Disco in the 70's (go ahead and make fun, it was a blast)
• Seeing almost the entire US and a big chunk of Canada
• Taking young sons to minor league baseball games in S. Carolina
• Finding "the zone" and going off for 26 points in HS JV basketball game
• Beating Frat boy teams in basketball with the "Concert Choir" team
• Watching Larry Bird & the Celtics in his prime, almost courtside during playoffs against Atlanta
• Playing with the Trombone Choir
• Traveling all over the place performing with University Singers
• Signing autographs
• Seeing Texas Rangers vs. NY Yankees at brand new stadium, 3 rows above the Yankees dugout
• Driving through the countryside with my favorite tunes on the radio and a sweet girl tucked under my arm
• Tobogganing in Michigan with all my friends
• Trip to Cedar Point Amusement Park after all-night party with friends
• Meeting and talking with Red Skelton before a show
• Hanging out with Atlanta Rhythm Section band after a concert
• Singing a song that touches the audience - seeing emotions and tears out there as I sing
• Nailing a performance and feeling the audience's reaction
• Family Florida trips
• Pancaking DB's in football
• Dancing (sorry, you'll never see me do that again!)
• Dancing at the Disco in Poznan, Poland
• Touring Buenos Aires, staying at the Intercontinental
• Sledding with a gang of friends
• Singing "O Canada" and "The Star-Spangled Banner" under a spotlight at center ice for the Komets hockey team
• Late-night recording sessions
• Sitting around a living room with lots of friends singing and playing games
• Going to NCAA basketball tournament
• Colts games
• Soccer tournaments with Nick
• Getting to every football game this past Fall and watching Tim's team get to Final 4
• Ball State Men's volleyball vs. Ohio State in '77
• Singing for weddings
• Meeting Red Skelton, Bob Hope, Don Shula, McKenzie Phillips, Wierd Al Yankovic, England Dan & John Ford Coley, Harry Chapin, Donnie & Marie Osmond, Maureen McGovern, Mario Andretti, Robert Ballard, Kenny Rogers, Crystal Gayle, Daryl Hall & John Oates, David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Merle Haggard, and others that slip my mind right now.
• Ice Cream
• Walking on the beach (any beach)
• Evening alone with my girl, fire in the fireplace, and Chicago on the stereo
• Steaks on the grill
• Manhattan Transfer in concert
• Taping singing performances for television
• Family vacations at Lake Tippecanoe
• Sailing, boating, skiing
• Trips to Gatlinburg, Tennessee
• Seeing Nick as the Prince in Cinderella
• Fishing and not caring whether I catch anything
• Living at the Monastery
• Playing with my toddlers
• Watching kids grow up

There are plenty more, but that's enough for now.

Lists

If you want to hear my "other story" (see previous post), wait awhile, I'll get to it eventually.

After a very long and busy work week, I feel like making a list. This list is of my pet peeves.

Here goes, in no particular order:

• People on the interstate doing 90 in their big Mercedes, coming up so close they almost tap my bumper and flash their lights to try to intimidate me into driving off the interstate, because there's a string of about 20 big rigs in the right lane.
• The idiots trying to go around everyone by driving up the shoulder in a construction zone, and end up being the cause of the chain-reaction that brings the entire traffic stream to a dead stop.
• Women applying perfume or strong-scented cremes and lotions nearby in a closed space like an airplane. Then they get to watch me throw up.
• While we're on women, women who feel the need to apply their makeup in public, even at the table in a restaurant. Talk about losing an appetite.
• Parents who let their small children get their own food with no supervision at buffets. Kids that need help, drop things, handle the food with their hands, and sneeze and cough all over the buffet.
• Parents of wild children who refuse to lift a finger to quiet, calm, or otherwise try to keep them from driving everyone else in the public place nuts.
• More parents - that let their kids run wild through the neighborhood after school and don't even show up to feed them dinner, parents who don't care whether their kids succeed, abusive, neglectful, inattentive, just so many bad parents it makes me sad.
• Customer service from the telephone company, airlines, BMV, stores, restaurants; Wait, I finally got it! There is no such thing as customer service! No wonder I've been unhappy about it all these years.
• Politicians who lie; believing the end justifies the means.
• Reporters who perpetuate politicians' lies. Because they are aligned with the same political party line. Forget "unbiased journalism", it almost doesn't exist anymore.
• Planned obsolescence.
• Dropped cellular calls. Even when your signal strength is max.
• Friends who aren't really.
• Customers who will lie and cheat to save a couple of bucks.
• The uber-righteous
• Athiest anti-religion activists
• The ACLU. Wouldn't it be nice if they actually fought for what their name says instead of denying others their rights?
• Hatred
• People who base their life's philosophy on emotion, abandoning reason and practicality
• Smokers in a non-smoking area
• Smokers creating a gauntlet outside the building you need to enter
• Mullets and Dreadlocks
• Hip-Hop and Rap
• High gas prices
• Drug Dealers
• Drunk Drivers
• Health Insurance Companies
• Apostate denominations, churches, pastors, priests
• Hurtful and untruthful name-calling, used either to prop up a losing argument or make oneself feel better at the expense of another
• Unfettered Profanity
• Judge George Greer, who just sentenced Terry Schiavo to death by starvation and told the US Congress to get lost.

Maybe my next list should be positive, like favorite things.

Decide for Yourself

Read my story and decide for yourself how you would interpret what happened.

I've already got my own interpretation, because after all, I am the one who had the experience. This is one of two such experiences I have had in my lifetime, the second of which I will publish sometime later.

It was the spring of 1975. I was 17, and looking forward to my high school graduation. My family had recently moved into a brand new home built by my father with some help from my brother and me. I thought it was a terrific home, with plenty of space and a bedroom of my own.

On Sunday morning, I was lying in my bed asleep. I found myself awake, but at first a little disoriented. Instead of opening my eyes to see the normal view of my bedroom, I was looking down at my own body lying in the bed. I immediately realized that I had died, but was not in the least upset or concerned about that fact. It was a sort of bemused detachment, observing the lifeless body on the bed and knowing it was mine, but not feeling any particular distress about that realization.

It wasn't very long at all, no more than a few seconds, when I felt an inviting presence from a growing light behind me. It seemed to be coming through the top corner of my bedroom at the opposite corner from the bed.

But it wasn't just a light. There was a presence inside the light. So far, the presence had no form or name, but the welcoming message was clear, inviting me to move into the light. Strangely, although the light was a brilliant white light, brighter than any light I had ever experienced, it did not hurt my eyes to look into, nor did it seem to emanate heat.

But inside the light was the most loving, caring, consoling, welcoming presence beyond anything I could have imagined. The nonverbal invitiation was clearly encouraging me to pass from my room, my home, and the earthly plane to whatever dimension the light inhabited. This was no dream, as everything around me was completely real, in vivid color, and I was fully awake and alert.

Just as I began to move toward the light, in a way that might seem like floating but seemed much freer, I spotted my mother walking toward my room in the hallway. I was momentarily bemused by how easily I could see her through the walls and the door. As she approached, wearing her customary blue housecoat and slippers, I heard her say or maybe think, "I have to get Dan up."

Immediately I told (who, the presence, the light, God?), "I can't go, my Mom's coming". But, then again, I didn't really "say" it, I just sort of expressed it in some non-verbal manner that I knew was perfectly understood. "He" openly accepted my desire to return, and in less than a blink of the eye, I was sitting up in my bed as my mother lightly knocked and opened my bedroom door. "Time to get up, Dan", she said. I replied, "I just had the most amazing dream!". She just smiled and told me to get ready for Church.

Getting out of bed, I felt the most incredible euphoria, as if all of my problems, worries, aches and pains, and everything else had been taken away. I enthusiastically showered, had breakfast, and went to Church. At Church, I had a feeling that they all meant well but were missing the point in some way. On the other hand, I couldn't exactly explain what point it was that they were missing, but I did have this lingering feeling that all the questions of God, the Universe, my Life's purpose, and other things all had really very simple answers. For some reason, I just seemed to have a mental block that wouldn't let me access those answers, other than the those basic things I now knew; That there is order to the Universe, death is most definitely not the end of life, and an indescribable love and peace await me on the other side.

I remember trying to share this experience with members of my family. Reactions ranged from dismissive ("It's just a dream") to patronizing ("That's nice") to negative ("Stop being creepy"). So I didn't really share the story very much after that.

In fact, I hadn't thought about it much for a long time until earlier this year, when I had another, very vivid dream. This time it wasn't about me, but my mother.

But that's another story.

Hello Hump Day

The only week I'll be in town is half over, and I've got a lot more than half-a-week's work to do. So what am I doing blowing a few minutes on the blog? Good question.

There's not really much politically of interest going on right now, except it was sort of interesting to see the stories about the protestors at the State House during the gay marriage amendment debate. I also read an unbelievably stupid letter to the editor in the Republic this morning favoring government sponsored gay marriage. Just one example of stupidity was a claim that "Jesus never specifically spoke against homosexuality". Yes, he never spoke out about pedophilia or incest either, so does that mean we should stop our bigotry against those practices? There were a number of equally inane arguments, and the letter was so stupid I was tempted to respond with my own letter to the editor. I think I've come to my senses since then.

Finished CASA training, except for one class I'll have to make up sometime later in the spring. Have to go observe a court hearing tomorrow morning, and the swear-in ceremony is supposed to get scheduled soon. That could be interesting, given the fact that I wont be in town any weekday the rest of the month. I wonder when they'll give me a case.

I'm almost finished with my books for 2004, then I have to get caught up through February, since I've got to get my February financials filed with WSI by the end of the week. Tedium.

The meeting yesterday with a prospective client was interesting. They're in the motorcycle/scooter/atv business, and now I'm wanting one. I didn't know that the big motorcycle makers have left the under-500cc market. This guy's working to replace that market with his imports, which sounds like a great opportunity. This might be a fun web project to work on.

I've really got to get busy finding an IMC. The business is poised to really take off, and just needs somebody paying attention to it full-time. I've got to keep the money coming in by doing the independent consulting until there's a big enough client base to let me get back to just focusing on the web part.

Can't find my November AMEX statement. How irritating. But I also need to get some invoices out the door and get to the bank to make a deposit, so I'll let that cheer me up.

About Nothing

Today's update is really about nothing much. I had a long weekend trying to get my business financials up to date. Talk about learning a lesson - I'm going to keep up monthly from now on, because recreating almost a year's worth of transactions in Quickbooks is a nightmare.

Finished CASA training today, and did pretty well on the final exam even though I've missed 3 sessions. Looks like I'll be able to make up one of the sessions on Wednesday, plus I've got to visit a court hearing Thursday morning. They want to swear us in next Tuesday, when I'm scheduled to be in Chicago. Maybe I could make the trip home in the afternoon and drive back on Wednesday, but I hope by some miracle they change the swearing-in date to something I can make. But then again, the only weekday I'll be in town the rest of this month is, what, Good Friday I think.

Gotta go to the dentist, because one of my old crowns popped off at lunchtime. That's uncomfortable, but fortunately not painful. I think it was coming loose for awhile there, because I was feeling something strange in that general area of the mouth the last week or so. I'm just glad I'm not out of town this week, having to wait a whole week to get back home and in to the dentist to get it re-cemented.

Interesting that now we have the FAFSA's in, the colleges are sending us letters asking us to prove it. The small net income from last year, that is. They must be incredulous about the precipitous drop in income over last year. At least there's one positive to starting a new business that barely made expenses the first year. Maybe both Nick and Tim will get full rides next year. Yeah, and I'll probably win the lottery.

Oh well, this year's shaping up to be much better, so I should just enjoy the better college aid programs while I can.

Lately I'm feeling kind of disappointed in the boys. Both of the two older ones are especially disappointing me lately. For some reason all I've seen from both of them lately is incredible self-absorption, lack of any attempt to try to understand or comply with the simplest of their parents' requests, near total disrespect, and no apparent ability to take responsibility for themselves.

It's my fault, I guess. Somehow I've failed to instill the most basic values and life skills in the boys. My fear is that they're going to continue to be self-absorbed, dependent, rude, and inconsiderate. My failure is most likely due to my absence during most of their development years. They don't respect either parent, rebelling against their mother's strict correction and just ignoring me. It's totally wrecked my mood today.

On the other hand, I think this might be very common for young people their age. Let's hope so. If nothing else, I hope someday to hear from them at least that they understand what we were trying to do even though they rebelled against it.

Well, time to wrap up another 12-hour workday. Gotta find something for dinner that will work with the dental problem.

Disingenuous

Disingenuous: Insincere, Untruthful, Hypocritical, Deceitful, Devious, Dishonest.

What a great word. Why do I lean mostly Republican in my political opinions? Because Democrats are, by and large, disingenuous. I can't stand being misled, manipulated, and deceived. And whenever I look at the statements of leading Republicans and Democrats on issues of the day, the most common thread I find is that Republicans are disingenuous much less often than Democrats.

Democrat friends will say, "What about the lies that got us into the Iraq war?". They have all been brainwashed into believing that the administration invented WMD they knew weren't there to get us into the war. Here's my first example; Democrat leaders who want so desperately to unseat GW Bush did all they could to imply and say outright that Bush "misled", "lied", and "overstated" the threat of Saddam. There's exhibit number 1: The administration, along with virtually everyone else in the world, believed that Saddam had WMD. Believing something that later turns out to be incorrect does not make one a liar. That Saddam does not seem to have been a direct consipirator with 9/11 does not mean he was not a collaborator and financier of terrorism.

Need some more examples? Let's take the Social Security Reform proposal. If Democrats were united against a private investment option for younger workers based on some identifiable practical or moral argument, we would have heard it by now. Instead, all we get is stuff about the "dangerous scheme", "cutting benefits by up to 40%", "enriching Wall Street millionaires", and "destroying the safety net for seniors". All together now - Disingenuous!

A quick exercise with my calculator tells me that any working person earning an average of $50K per year over a 40-year working life will have well over $120K in their personal account when they retire. The plan Bush introduced would put that money into an annuity that would supplement the Social Security income they also receive. It doesn't make anybody rich, but it's not a bad supplement.

Why do Democrats oppose this so vociferously? They won't tell anybody the real reasons, because the real reasons are: 1) It takes part of the Social Security surplus out of the budget that they're used to spending on other things, 2) It takes more power away from them and gives it to the people, which hurts their re-election chances, and 3) There is no way they will let Bush succeed in anything on his agenda, even or especially if it's a good idea.

How about one more example - Judicial Appointments. They seem prepared to block all of Bush's judges by threatening filibusters whenever they're brought to the floor for a vote. Why won't they let Bush nominate any judges? They say it's because they are too "radical" and "right-wing". Labels that are not only insulting to the highly qualified men and women they are blocking, but highly disingenouous.

What are the real reasons? 1) They know Roe v. Wade was a constitutionally indefensible decision by an activist liberal court that might get overturned in a court that actually believes in fulfilling its constitutional duty. 2) They want to block any judicial appointments until they get one of their own in office, who will appoint a gaggle of Ginsbergs to finish the job of shredding the constitution in legislating for liberal causes from the bench. And, or course, 3) Just to make it as hard as possible for Bush to get anything done.

In our own state, where the Democrats lost control of the legislature in last year's election, the Democrats walked out to stop debate and passage of scores of bills. Some of the bills may be good and some bad, but rather than stand their ground and tell everyone why they oppose certain legislative initiatives, they choose to walk out and deny a quorum. One of the bills is a very simple requirement that voters show legally issued identification (Driver's license or equivalent) before they be allowed to cast their vote. Why do they say they oppose the idea? Because it amounts to a "poll tax"; that it's too difficult for some poor people to acquire a government-issued ID or even bring their birth certificate along to the polling place. Baloney. What's their real reason for opposition? Dead people and felons and other fraudulent voters have been keeping their candidates employed for decades, and will probably lose if there's an actual requirement that they be legitimate voters.

The word for today - Children, can you say "Disingenuous"? Very good!

Approaching Normal

That bug (flu most likely) was pretty much the worst I've had in a few years. Adding to the misery was an inability to just take a day off to rest. The best I could do was take off early the first day (5 O'Clock) and spend lunch breaks with my feet up in the hotel room. Finally, I'm approaching normal with just a nagging cough that refuses to go away.

Was happy to have Nick home at least for the weekend, even though he made it abundantly clear to all of us how much he hated it. Depressing, because it feels like hating home = hating us (me). I know it's partly the house, which we moved into his Junior Year in HS, so it's not really home. I much preferred the house in town myself, but the country seems to make Claudia happy. And partly the isolation, being way out in the country and away from friends. But we all did our best to make him feel welcome. Guess we failed.

I was only home for the weekend, so I tried to make room to spend as much time with my eldest as possible, and am happy to have at least had that time. Back out the door first thing Monday morning, catching the CASA class before heading back to Chi-Town.

Things are really picking up on the business front. I came back from Chicago to 3 checks in the mailbox. That's exciting, but it also means there are hours and hours of work that must be done that I have no idea how I'll be able to do it all. I really need some help, but it's a little too early to go out and hire someone. The definition of the rock and hard place.

Speaking of which, time to stop messing around in blogger and get to work.