Known to all as "Lori", she was born near Cleveland, Ohio to Monroe and Catherine. Lori's father was one of 11 brothers from Elyria, and her mother emigrated with her family from Scotland.
Lori was the first child of Monroe and Catherine, although she had an older half-brother she never met. When Catherine was 13, she eloped. Her mother pursued the newlyweds and forced her daughter to return home, sending the boy away. She had the marriage anulled and gave the subsequent baby up for adoption. Catherine named the boy Frank, a name we can't be sure was kept by the adoptive parents. Where Frank may be today, or whether he still lives, remains a mystery.
Lori grew up on a small farm in Columbia Station, Ohio, and was a teen before her younger brother, James, was born. She was tall with dark brown hair, blue eyes, and fair skin that was easily covered in freckles. In Junior High school, she was walking between classes one day, when a baseball caught her full in the mouth as she rounded a corner. The result was a bridge for her upper front teeth that she wore for the rest of her life.
Ashland College was a small liberal-arts school that was not too far from her Columbia Station home, and she enrolled in their Home Economics program. It was at Ashland that she met Max, who happened to sit next to her in choir. They married while both were still in school, and moved into a cramped married student apartment on campus. Ten months later, Lori gave birth to her first child, Daniel, and dropped out of school. In the meantime, Max took a job loading boxcars on the third shift for a local manufacturing company while attending classes during the day.
Lori was a singer, with a pleasant alto voice, but she preferred singing in choirs or small groups over solo singing. She also proved an excellent actress, landing the lead in the Ashland College production of "A Man Named Peter", where she received great reviews and was recognized as the best actress of the year for the drama club. Telling the story about how she landed the part, she described being placed in the scene for her audition reading. To rattle the auditioners, the director had the prop telephone ring as each girl read her lines. She was somewhat flustered by the unexpected interruption, and her realistic response to the situation was just what they were looking for in the character.
After Max's graduation, they moved to nearby Ohio City, where Max had his first job as a high school teacher, basketball coach, and bus driver. Shortly after arriving in Ohio City, Lori gave birth to their second child, Julie. After only two years in Ohio City, a job opened up near Max's home town of Nappannee, Indiana, and they packed up their family to move to Goshen, Indiana.
In Goshen, they rented a home in a working-class neighborhood while Max worked as Principal, eighth-grade teacher, and basketball coach for an Amish school in the county. Shortly after settling into their new home in Goshen, Lori gave birth to child number three, Jill. The occasion of Dan's 5th birthday brought the family dog, a collie puppie christened "Sam".
Max supplemented his meager teacher's income with summer jobs at a local mobile home factory, later joining a local builder in constructing custom homes. Many summers, Max earned more in the three-month break than he received over the 9 month teaching contract. This allowed them to purchase a modest home in Goshen's growing west side on a spacious 1-acre lot. Max also landed a job with the Goshen schools, teaching 6th grade, for a more lucrative, if still meager, contract than the Amish school.
When she learned that a fourth child was on the way, Lori was distraught. Money was tight, Max was busy between teaching, coaching, and the constant part-time factory and construction jobs needed to keep the family afloat. Complicating the scenario was Max's need to complete a Master's degree, which was then required by the state for teachers to maintain their certifications. Max had to spend two summers in Bloomington to obtain the Master's in Education while Lori scraped by at home with their four young children.
Lori's father died unexpectedly of heart failure while being treated for back pain. He had been experiencing chronic back pain for most of the year, which may have been symptomatic of his cardiac problems which went unrecognized and untreated. Her mother, Catherine, sold their property (they had moved to the Chicago area), and moved in with Lori and Max, where she began helping to care for the children.
Max completed his degree, and friction grew between the similarly strong-willed Mother-in-Law and Son-in-Law, until the solution was reached that moved Catherine into a small rental home just down the street. Catherine worked full-time for a few years before retiring, but stayed close with the family until her passing.
While the children were young, Lori kept busy with parenting, keeping up with a large half-acre garden, canning fruits and vegetables, and enduring the menagerie of a dog (Sam), cat (Cat), Dan's rabbits (up to over 100 at one point), and even Chickens. The variety of pets and other animals created many funny stories and great childhood experiences. The neighborhood had many other children close in age to the family, and her home became the popular gathering place for kids from the neighborhood and later schools and church.
Lori was the ultimate mother, able to keep her children (relatively) well-behaved completely without the threat or use of corporal punishment. Her approach was always gentle and loving, and if she ever said anything she later came to regret, nobody in the family remembers it. For example, if two siblings were fighting, her method was never to take sides, but to order the two to go somewhere private and resolve their differences. The private place of choice was often a bedroom closet, where the two feuding siblings would sit across from each other and eventually burst out laughing, the dispute quickly forgotten.
If the day had been particularly trying or the children rambunctious, Lori would bring out the "quiet candles". This signaled to everyone in the family (including Dad) that Mom has had a rough day, and just wants a quiet evening meal. I remain amazed to this day how well that worked, and some special memories are of those quiet dinners lit only by a couple of candles.
There was always music in the house, and singing was a normal part of everyday life because of Lori. It was even used as a teaching tool, and I still remember the little jingle she made up to teach us our telephone number. When the children reached the teen years, the house was often full of young people on a Sunday afternoon, with 3 or 4 guitarists leading everyone singing (mostly) songs of faith, playing games like "rhythm", and generally having a great time. The family also teamed up with Max's sister Mary's family to do a number of performances for churches and nursing homes.
Lori and Max were sure to keep the family involved in the church, and faith was the most consistent and important aspect of family life. The entire family stayed active with church activities, and all six family members participated in the church choir. The kids also were active in and served in leadership positions for the church youth program; David was elected the National Youth Moderator for the Brethren denomination as a high school senior.
When David entered school, Lori began working full-time. She had previously tried some part-time and temporary jobs, such as substitute teaching, but it was too difficult to be away from her four young children until all were of school age. Eventually, Lori was able to take full-time employment, and worked in primarily clerical positions throughout her working life. Lori never sought a "career", but simply viewed her jobs as means to provide more income to the household. She never allowed any job to interfere with important family events and needs; when Jill gave birth to a grandchild, Lori asked for some time off to help with the new baby. Her employer initially told her they would not authorize the time off. Lori told them she was sorry, but if they would not approve the time off, she would be forced to resign. The employer gave in, and Lori was there to help Jill care for her newborn.
Lori was known as an indispensible member of her department at Goshen Rubber, the company where she was employed the longest. However, even knowing her value to the company, the managers never acknowledged her with any substantial rewards, promotions, or recognition. She finally chose to retire when her supervisor, the department manager, retired himself and recommended her for his position. The company considered offering her the job, schemed to have her take the duties without an increase in pay, then finally gave it to another, less qualified candidate. Although the corporate shenanigans upset her somewhat for a brief time, she never dwelt on injustice, never complained, and just moved on.
After retirement, she worked part-time as the church secretary, but mostly just enjoyed spending time with her grandchildren as much as possible.
Lori was known by everyone as sweet, kind, and generous. She was always focused on others; anyone coming to visit could expect their favorite meal, prepared by the best home cook on the planet. She always showed care and concern for everyone, whether they were experiencing problems or tragedy in life or just needed a warm coat in the wintertime.
Lori lost her youngest son, David, who was killed by a drunk driver on the way home from work. David was 26. It happened on the day that Lori and Max were waiting for him to arrive at David's home to celebrate Max's birthday. David's passing devastated both parents, but Lori never dwelt on self-pity. Everyone was amazed, not only at her strength at such a tragic time, but at how she was encouraging and helping everyone else. Friends and relatives, coming to offer their condolences, would break down and find themselves being consoled by Lori, the very person they were hoping to comfort. She even reached out to the family of the drunk driver, sending a card with a consoling note expressing her sympathies, as he was also killed in the accident. That family was reportedly puzzled and unable to respond to such an unexpected gesture of sympathy and forgiveness from the victim's mother.
She passed away in June from complications of a variety of ailments that assaulted her recently. She had endured about 30 years of diabetes, which was taking a toll on her eyesight and circulation, especially in her legs, where she had serious wound problems and pain that limited her mobility. Two strokes, Uterine cancer, and a pelvic fracture all contributed to the weakness and pain from which she was unable to recover, finally succumbing in June when her kidneys failed.
People who never knew Lori might think she was just an ordinary woman. All of us who knew her would have to strongly disagree. What did she accomplish? Here are just a few examples:
All four children completed 4-year degrees, three at Ashland. One went on for an MBA.
Raised in strong Christian faith, all of her children remain active in the church, including musically, of course. Both daughters are pastors' wives in the Brethren denomination, the same in which she raised her family.
David's wife remarried a Brethren pastor. Max has been a part-time pastor as well since his retirement from teaching.
She leaves behind a husband, 3 children, and 11 grand-children who will always remember the positive influence she had on their lives.
She leaves behind countless people she affected, from school, church, and the workplace, who all learned about love, compassion, and unselfishness from her gentle nature.
In these days of feminist values of selfishness and greed, we need far more examples like Lori to remind us of what is really important in life.
Goodbye Mom. It's taken me this long just to be able to accept your passing. My only hope and prayer is that I can be just half the person you were. I'm sorry I wasn't able to be with you more, especially in your last year. I wish I would have made sure my boys spent more time with you as they were growing - there's so much more they would have learned from you.
Rest in peace, Mom.
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