Introspection

Who said, "Tough times require tough people"?

Did anybody say that, or did I just make it up? Regardless, it seems appropriate to my current circumstances.

I can feel victimized and blame others for how they disappoint me. How they take advantage of me. How they discard my opinions and feelings out of hand. How they disrespect me. How I'm only important to them when I have something they want.

Or I can stand up and fight back.

Why is that so difficult for me? I've been giving that a lot of thought lately, and right now my conclusion is this:

It's extremely difficult for me to stand firm and fight others because I don't want to hurt them. And in the cases I'm facing today, the truth hurts like a pound of kidney stones. (That's my frame of reference as the most painful experience I've had in my life to date)

Some might suggest that they don't seem to care that what they are doing is hurting me, so why should I worry so much about hurting them? I suppose the answer is because I know firsthand how it feels to be mistreated, and don't want to cause anybody else to suffer that from me.

But I'm not really talking about "mistreating" anyone at all, but simply taking a firm stand that I should have done a long time ago. That action is certain to make those I stand firm against angry. But just maybe, if I do it the right way, it will also demand respect. On the other hand, it could also result in absolute isolation and alienation for me.

All I know is I can't continue being a doormat. I've been able to avoid it, ignore it, push it aside in the past, but now there's a giant elephant standing on my figurative mat and I have to use every ounce of strength to push it off, so i can pick myself off the ground and walk ahead.

Here goes ...