All the Wrong Reasons

Today I decided to write about a subject that covers so many bad marital decisions I happen to have had either direct or indirect knowledge of over the years. Most stories are quite sad, but it occurred to me that they might be useful as a cautionary tale for anyone who might not be married or are thinking about getting married someday soon.

Story One: The thief.
There was a retired teacher who tragically lost his wife to cancer. As he worked through the grief and loneliness of his loss, an attractive young woman came into his life. She seemed enamored of him and understanding of the grief he was experiencing. She made him feel young again. After a brief courtship, they married.
Unfortunately, only a couple of months after the wedding our retiree returned home from a trip to the store to find his new bride gone, along with all of his household valuables. To his disbelief, he also soon discovered that his bank accounts were emptied and his CD's and other liquid investments had been cashed in.
His retirement savings were decimated by a young woman who preyed on his grief and loneliness. There should be serious prison time for anyone who would do this to someone.

Story Two: The Loyal Wife.
There actually have been several versions of this story that I've witnessed over time. What they all have in common is this: Guy and girl date, maybe in high school or college or both. Guy likes girl OK, but isn't really interested in a permanent relationship. Girl, however, is focused on making guy her husband.
He tries to get away from time to time, believing he has broken off the relationship. But somehow he always seems to find that she is back. Maybe he feels guilt for "stringing her along" all that time. Maybe he just wants to spare her feelings. But in a weak moment, he finds himself agreeing to marry her. In some cases it's a shotgun wedding, where she succeeds in making a baby with him to seal the deal. Or perhaps there's an abortion that makes him feel terribly guilty and obligated to try making things right by marrying her.
Interestingly, this situation doesn't always end badly. But it often does. When the couple remains together, I often wonder whether he continues to resent her or has learned to accept and love her somehow.

Story Three: Blind Sided
Strangely, every case I've encountered with this scenario seems to happen to the man. Not that men don't step out on their wives, and I certainly have known of those circumstances, but only the men seem to be totally and completely blind-sided by the unexpected end to his marriage.
I've actually seen some cases of women running away with young guys they met on the internet. In the situations I've known based on the poor cuckold's stories, she in each case has planned her escape for months or even a year with her spouse clueless that there's anything at all out of the ordinary going on. She plans everything so well that she's taken almost everything he has through the legal system to her new life with the young stud before her grieving and depressed spouse even has time to consult his own lawyer. The saddest part of these stories is when the wayward wife builds a new house for herself and her young plaything, buys him a new sportscar, and hauls her ex back into court demanding more money to replace all she spent. And the courts, morally blind as they are today, even give her custody of the children despite the destructive behavior with her shack-up.

Story Four: The Shotgun
This remains common, although not as common as it was in previous generations because the stigma of illegitimacy and availability of abortion have greatly reduced it's practice. But there are plenty of examples that probably everyone has some contact with. Shotguns are not necessarily doomed, but do seem to have an extremely high divorce rate. The sad fact is that young kids are encouraged by the permissive society, especially through movies and television, to become sexually active at a young age. Because in the movies such behavior is never depicted to have consequences. The biggest victims are the children.

Story Five: The Military
Members of the military too often marry for the wrong reasons. They can acquire better housing and benefits from the military if they are married. And nobody wants to go off to war without a girl back home to care about whether he comes back. Who can face the "Dear John" letter sitting in the Green Zone in Baghdad, so if there's a wife back home it just seems safer.
Soldiers end up making horrible snap decisions to marry women who are crazy, unfaithful, needy, nags, and all sorts of undesirable things just because time is short.

Story Six: The Party Girl (or Guy)
What happens when a party girl marries a stay-at-home guy (or vice-versa)? Nothing good. The guy finds the girl attractive who seems so full of life and fun, who seems to know everybody and has such great social skills. But he's never been much for parties, and finds the nightclub scene a drag. It's no surprise when he finds himself dumped shortly after his wife discovers he's this boring homebody who doesn't want to go clubbing with her every night because he has a challenging job and needs his sleep or just isn't into the scene. So she just resumes her previous single life habits, much to his consternation, and before long she finds a new party animal guy and divorces her boring husband, bragging to her friends about how much money she took from him in the process.

Story Seven: Great Expectations
Here's the biggest mistake made by couples entering into marriage. Great expectations. She expects him to be a high wage earner who still has time to help out with housework, raise the kids, take her to dinner every week, do little projects around the house and in his workshop, court her every night just like he did when they were dating, etc.
He just wants a woman at home to help him recover from the hard day at work and not bother him with her petty housework and child behavior problems. He wants to go out with his buddies now and the without getting read the riot act from the wife. He wants to be able to watch the NFL game on Sunday afternoon without having his wife sulking in the next room because he didn't want to take her to the arts fair.
So many marriages could be saved if only both parties could recognize and plan for how their partnership will work before they walk down the aisle. Both have to recognize they have to share in the household chores, but also share in the fun and games. And they must figure out how to give each some of what they want and like without making the other feel slighted.

Not that I'm some sort of expert or anything.