My Candidate's Speech

The speech I need to hear from the presidential candidates would go something like this.

[Intro]

The first question people ask of a presidential candidate is, "Why do you want to be President?"

My answer is this: in any other time, I would never consider applying for the job. I like what I do in the private sector, and would rather stay there than take a relatively low-paying, thankless job that requires full attention 24/7, the responsibility for making difficult decisions that can affect millions on a daily basis, and being hated by half the world seemingly just for holding the title with either an 'R' or a 'D' next to your name.

But over the last 3 years I've seen my country go through a shockingly rapid decline because we chose to hand power to a bunch of naieve and irresponsible adolescents. It's past time for the adults to come back home and clean up after our home has been trashed.

You've heard the old story about the teenage kids who manage to convince their parents to take a nice vacation and leave them at home alone for awhile. "We can handle it", they said. "We promise we'll be responsible and take good care of the house for you while your gone".

So the parents go on the vacation, even with that uneasy feeling they just might be making a decision they will come to regret. And sure enough, Mom and Dad come back home unexpectedly to find their home trashed. The kids threw a huge party, and the gangs of teens that showed up looted everything of value and destroyed everything else in your beautiful property.

So the parents do what any parent would do. They try to use the experience to teach their children a lesson about responsibility. In the meantime, they get to work cleaning up and recovering from the disastrous losses that happened when their naieve children invited people to their party who didn't have good intentions and ended up looting everything.

I am asking the adults of the United States to join with me to clean up the mess created by the adolescent goverment we put in charge over the past few years. I am asking that you help me teach those adolescents the lessons they need to learn, such as

There's no such thing as free healthcare. You can't pass a massive new government-controlled medical plan designed to move us to a mythological "univeral" healthcare program without having it bankrupt the country.

The economy doesn't grow by punishing job creators with high taxes and threats of high taxes combined with oppressive government regulation.

Energy independence doesn't happen by shutting down all untapped sources of domestic energy reserves while promoting expensive government boondoggles and pipe dreams euphemistically called "clean, renewable energy".

Effective foreign policy and National Security are not achieved through the force of any president's personality.

I can promise one thing above all others. That I will be honest with you. And this basic honest truth is that I can't clean up this mess by myself. You all need to join me. We all need to work together to help America remember how great we once were, and how we can become even greater as soon as we realize those things that make us great.

First and foremost, we all must participate and contribute to the success of our country. We literally can't afford to continue the trend where more folks of able bodies and minds sit at home collecting government checks funded by the labor of the rest of us supplemented by loans from China.

We must move our social safety net closer to those most in need instead of administered by high-paid bureaucrats ruling from the comfort of their Washington stone and marble palaces.

When government gets involved in helping the poor and sick among us, shouldn't the goal be to help them become self-sufficient and healthy? It seems that government agencies are incentivized to keep their clients on the rolls rather than getting them off the rolls. Why not change all of our social programs to reward success by defining success as reducing the number of sick and needy that must be served?

In my experience, people with good jobs don't need public assistance. So why can't government focus on helping everyone find a good job instead of handing out homes and food and medical care to create and maintain a huge and growing dependent class?

Tax rates don't have to go up to solve the budget crisis. When people get good jobs, we won't need to spend as much taxpayer money taking care of them. When those same people get good jobs, they not only no longer need government assistance, they become taxpayers themselves. Government should spend no more than is required and tax no more than is required. Government must spend only what it brings in. These are not difficult ideas for anybody, except apparently so many who live within the beltway.

I'm a supporter of all Americans. My constituency as president isn't designed to favor big business over labor unions, trial lawyers over physicians and drug companies, blacks or latinos or asians over whites, women over men, or any group over any other group. Such political games are horribly devisive and must stop.

My administration will be a friend to all Americans, period. I don't care what economic level, race, creed, or association - every American citizen is a friend of my administration. That doesn't mean everybody gets whatever they want - in fact, pretty much everybody will find they no longer can get benefits for their special interest group that elevates them at the expense of anybody else.

All policy is about lifting all Americans and what's best for America. Nobody gets special priviledges. Crony Capitalism will go into the history books. Equal opportunity and a color-blind society without preferences to anyone will be the rule of the day. Integrity, honesty, fairness, and civility will be a quality of America at which the world will marvel.

This vision for the re-emergence of the America we all know and believe in will not happen because I'm elected President. Instead, it will happen because each and every citizen buys into the ideals of America. We all do our part, we all strive to pull ourselves up and give others a hand up along the way.

All of us men can and must take responsibility for ourselves and our families. No more making our girlfriends pregnant and walking away to leave our families to be cared for by the government. Women can and must take the same responsibilty by never choosing to have sex with men with whom they would not have children. When we both make those marriage promises to each other, "till death do us part", we have the integrity to consider that a promise worth keeping, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health", instead of casting each other aside the moment we spot a little greener patch of grass somewhere.

Liberal or conservative, we all want the same thing in the end - a better life for ourselves and our families. Join me and let's work together to solve our problems and I guarantee we will all find that better life.