Character Flaw

Time to face facts. I have a major character flaw.

The flaw is hiding from conflict. I hate conflict and avoid it at all costs. If I see the storm brewing I run away when I should stand and fight. When important problems desperately need to be solved, I procrastinate and hope they will disappear on their own.

There are conversations I should be having. Firm statements of my position I should be making. Probing and direct questions I should be asking. Ultimatums I should be declaring.

But I won't. Maybe because I've tried before and failed miserably. Maybe because of my tendency to freeze and forget everything I know about the English language when I'm under stress. Maybe because I really don't want to find out the true answers to my questions.

I've always admired people who are direct but somehow never mean. There have been a small number of people I've met in my life who radiate self-confidence and as such seem to be able to address any issue in a calm and reasonable fashion without procrastination and without giving offense. I wonder if that's a skill I could learn, or if there's anyone who would or could teach me.

In the meantime I just keep kicking myself over cowardly ignoring the elephant in the room, unable to even point and say, "Umm, excuse me, but does anybody else see that elephant over there?"