Transitions

Watching the next generation enter adulthood makes me recall my own entry into independence. As college degrees are earned, that interim stage between dependent childhood and independent adulthood is breached with an entire world of possibilities ahead.

This post started out as a recap of my own experience and lessons learned from the perspective of so many years later (I won't say how many). But I decided there was some rather personal and possibly sensitive information there, so I've changed tack to focus on general pearls of wisdom for this time of life.

Around the time of my college graduation, I participated in some sort of study involving a survey designed to measure mental and emotional stress. I laughed about it, because in my case I had so many stressors piled up in one year that I should have been a drooling nutcase in a straightjacket and padded room.

On to those pearls -

On careers: One of the most critical decisions we make is our career path. Some new graduates feel they deserve a great job right out of college, but are being completely unrealistic. Others jump at the first job offer out of fear there won't be any others.

There's a fine line between managing your own destiny and allowing it to manage you. It is certainly much easier to walk through an open door than to try beating down a locked door. That dream job is almost never there for a newly minted graduate, and even those who think they've landed it are often disappointed soon after they sign on. It's better to look carefully at the open doors and knock on the closed and locked doors until you find the one that best fits your goals.

From the perspective of my life stage, I've discovered that a career is important, but well down the list of the important things in life. A great career does not equal a great life; in fact, the two are more often incompatible. A career is a means to an end, not the main focus of life. The best anyone can hope for is a career that supports a reasonably decent lifestyle with enough free time to focus on what's really important - God, family, friends.

On Marriage: It's interesting that so many people choose college graduation as also the time to marry. It seems natural to do so, because school is over and a paying job is finally here. And for many, I'm sure it is the appropriate time to make that commitment.

But here's another thought: Life up to this point has been a preparation for independent adulthood. You haven't really been on your own yet - even with the independence of the college years, you've still had to depend on Mom and Dad and the University to help you through.

The end of college means that from here on, you will be responsible for paying your own bills. You have to make decisions about what things you can and cannot afford, where you will live, what you will eat, your faith affiliations, and everything else. Mom and Dad aren't going to be there to bail you out if you're short on cash and the rent or electric bill are due. Given this fairly big adjustment, is it wise or fair to throw a spouse into the mix?

As you adjust to your life as an independent adult and begin to establish yourself in a career, you will change. Not in terms of your basic personality and temperment, but in your goals and outlook. In the three to five years after entering the workforce, you will find yourself taking those last steps toward the adult individual you will become.

Is it better to ask your new spouse, who will also be experiencing the same transitions for him or herself, to ride that bumpy road with you? Or is it better to remain single for awhile and settle into your life's path before you ask another to join you?

These times can be both exciting and frightening. Let the fear temper the excitement and make sure you make your decisions with a clear and informed purpose. Don't let your dreams die, but keep them alive by doing something every day that gets you one step closer to realizing them.

And I know you'll be just fine.