I Apologize

I am so sorry. I've been blind, but now I see the light. I hereby declare that the days of my disrespect for the tenets of the theology of Political Correctness have ended.

I have much to apologize for, so let's get started:

I'm sorry for:

Supporting the Iraq War. I now understand that war is never justified. Only United Nations led "Peacekeeping" missions are an acceptable use of military force, and even then they should not be allowed to carry weapons. So I now understand that 9/11 was a justifiable reaction from oppressed Muslims, and if we just stop being the bullies of the world they will be our friends.

Respecting and Supporting the President. I'm sorry that I have been so blind as to miss that Bush is the most vile, evil President in the History of this country. Why, he's killing and torturing innocent people all over the world to enrich Halliburton. And he's starving and denying healthcare to millions of Americans. Sorry for not believing all of this simply because I haven't seen any evidence; I must trust the word of the priests of PC from now on. Impeach Bush Now!

Thinking the Gay lifestyle is immoral. How dare I apply Christian principles to judge anyone else's behavior. How outrageous for me to suggest that many in the Gay community are predators who lure young teens and impressionable college students into their "cause" by preying on their vulnerability and search for personal identity. How outrageous were my criticisms of those who have been knowingly spreading AIDS to multiple partners as if it were some sort of initiation.

Being a White Male Christian and Catholic. I am ashamed to be a member of the race and religion that has brutally suppressed so many people on this planet over the centuries. How could I live with myself to be associated with such repressive, judgemental, oppressive, polluting, and insensitive groups. We should all be rounded up and executed or imprisoned.

Being Rich. Until now, I never thought of myself as rich. I have a modest house in the country, drive a 7-year-old SUV, and my wife drives an 11-year-old minivan. But according to those who know, I'm unfairly wealthy. It's so unfair that I work all these hours to earn money when others who don't work only get the 50 percent of my earnings that the government took to redistribute to them. I now understand that I'm not paying my fair share. I deserve to be driven into bankruptcy for my insensitivity and unwillingness to share more of my money with those more deserving of it than me.

Underpaying Taxes. How could I have been so callous as to express frustration with the fact that the government takes nearly half of everything I earn in taxes. I didn't understand that the government is much better qualified to spend my money than I. It's the American Way to freely give up half my earnings to the government so they can give it to others who are more deserving.

Opposing Abortion. I'm a man. How can a man possibly understand the issue of abortion? I should butt out and leave the decisions up to women, who are the only ones qualified to make such decisions. What a horrible person I've been to be outraged and call "barbaric" the current practice of killing a full-term infant right before delivery by sticking a syringe into it's cranium and extracting the brain matter so the dead baby can then be fully delivered and disposed of. I've been so judgemental in believing that it might be immoral to kill an unborn baby just because one got pregnant by accident. So I now understand that it's none of my business, and it's wrong for me to judge any woman for a decision she makes about her own body.

Opposing Illegal Immigration. How racist of me to believe it unfair to legal immigrants that we allow millions of people to sneak into the country from Mexico. How stingy to suggest that the massive influx of illegals is bankrupting our social and healthcare services, making life worse for legal taxpaying citizens. How misguided my belief that all manner of criminals, gang members, drug runners, and maybe even terrorists could be sneaking across the border along with the poor people just looking for a better life for themselves and their families.

So you see, I understand now, and have bowed to the altar of Political Correctness. Anyone care to join me?