So I'm discovering the downside of the CASA job. I can't discuss the case with anybody except those directly involved. And that includes posting anything about it on the blog.
All I can say is, how can people be so stupid? Sometimes I feel like shaking someone, yelling at him/her to wake up! Can't you see what you're doing is destroying yourself and everyone around you? What is your problem? Why can't you grow up and take responsibility?
OK, enough ranting. If I'm not careful I might violate my orders to keep everything private. And nothing I've said so far could be tied to any individual person or case.
On the other hand, this job is all about the kids. Boy do they need someone to look after their best interests, and I think CASA's a great idea for doing that.
I've now been asked more times than I can count why I'm a CASA. And most of the questioners seem unsatisfied with my answer. It's almost as if they can't understand doing something difficult as a volunteer even though you really don't have the time, just because you want to help. Does everyone these days only do things if they receive a direct reward or benefit? I wonder.
Burning the ol' candle at both ends lately, so of course I caught a cold. Can't talk at all. Oh yeah, that means there's no way I can sing at church tomorrow - better mention something.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Expectations
Has it always been like this, or is it a reflection of the current generation? I'm talking about expectations; those expectations we have of each other but are always disappointed. Is it any wonder that it's so hard to maintain friendships, relationships, and family unity?
What do we expect from a friend?
What do we expect from a friend?
- To be there for whatever comes along
- Non-judgemental
- Available at 2AM just to talk
- Pick up the check without keeping track of who's turn it is
- Puts you ahead of his/her own spouse, family, boy/girfriend - anybody
- Always up for whatever wild idea might pop into your head
- Always in control of him/herself so he/she can take care of you when you're not
- Total devotion
- Good cooking & housekeeping skills
- Non-judgemental
- No major mood swings - just happy & fun
- Always looks gorgeous, doesn't need makeup, and sheds the baby fat after each birth
- Likes sports as much as you do, and enjoys going to games, playing golf, or can hold her own with a basketball (but still can't beat you)
- Doesn't try to manipulate you with you-know-what
- Happy to take care of the tough and messy part of kids and leave you for the fun stuff
- Doesn't complain if you work too late or go out after work with your buddies
- Surprises you with little notes hidden in your briefcase, shows up at the airport when you return from a business trip, plans little romantic getaways without the kids now and then, keeps things interesting
- Takes care of paying the household bills, but is sure to leave you some cash to spend on your toys
- Unlimited earnings - at least 6 figures - that she gets to spend as she likes
- No more than 40 hours a week at work, and able to take a day off whenever she asks
- In addition to the yard work, he also has to do all the home repair, including plumbing and electricity, plus build furniture or something in a basement or garage workshop
- Watches little or no television - especially not sports, but if he does watch, it's a movie they both like
- Doesn't buy season tickets for sports teams, but does buy them for the symphony, opera, or ballet. And enjoys the concerts as much as she does.
- Treats her like a queen every day, worshipping at her feet. (And massaging them)
- Does at least half of the housecleaning chores, and cooks dinner half of the time. Is a great cook, but not quite as good as she.
- Pursues her favors regularly but doesn't complain when she doesn't feel like it. Even if it's been a month, or two, or ....
- Takes the kids off her hands whenever she needs a break, and doesn't hesitate to take care of the "dirty work". Takes care of the more difficult child discipline issues.
- Supports her in every family decision and never argues about finances, house rules for the children, schedules, and activities.
- Is always nice to her mother.
- Never goes out with friends after work, but happy to babysit whenever she wants a "girl's night out"
Saturday, April 16, 2005
David Lee
David Lee came into the world after Chrismas in 1962. He was the fourth child of Max, a schoolteacher, and Lori, a stay-at-home-mom. The family was struggling to get by on Max's meager teacher's salary, and David's parents feared he would strain the family beyond the breaking point.
But there was no breaking point, and David quickly integrated into the family. He was a busy, inquisitive, rambunctious child who as a toddler spent plenty of time in that glorified child cage dubbed "playpen". Because when he was outside of the playpen, there seemed to be no limit to the trouble he could get into.
A station wagon became a requirement for the family of six, including a third rear-facing seat the children referred to as the "way back". It was in this family vehicle that the first major vacation trip took place, a camping adventure with the used station wagon pulling a small pop-up camper. David's assigned seat was that "way back" seat, and the other siblings spent most of the trip arguing and negotiating whose turn it was to ride with him back there.
Despite his active nature, David was a chubby child. Most of the family believed that was primarily due to his need to keep up with his big brother in all things, including the volume of food consumption. David became so focused on food equity, he began to be called the "food sheriff" by his siblings. He closely monitored how many treats were consumed by his siblings, and was the family's self-appointed arbiter of fair distribution of treats.
Not an especially good student, David had some difficulty focusing in the classroom, a frequent topic for discussion in parent-teacher conferences at school. But he was adventurous, and showed a strong desire to try just about every activity. By high school, David participated in every available sport, played trumpet in the band, sang bass in choir and show choir, was active in scouting, his church youth group and choir, worked with his father on summer construction projects, and flipped burgers at McDonald's.
There was nothing that could deter David or get him down. He did everything with enthusiasm and joy, almost as if he was in a hurry to have as many experiences in as possible. And this enthusiasm did seem to pay off, as David was part of a State Championship with his High School football team, won an individual championship in a state weighlifting competition, was chosen MVP for Field Events on his Track team, and was elected the national Moderator for the church's denominational youth organization. He grew to 6'4" and about 285lbs in football shape, and was physically the strongest person I knew. He was for some time called "Destructo" because he had a knack for accidentally breaking things. Like a large bolt he broke when tightening it with a wrench, helping his father on a bridge repair project.
David went on to the church-affiliated Ashland College, where his parents and sisters also attended (and all but Lori graduated). In college, he played football and was selected as the student host for a visit by then-president Ronald Reagan and the First Lady. While in college, he continued his involvement in as many activities as possible, and enjoyed the entire experience.
At college he met Tracy, and told others before he'd even secured the first date that he knew she was the girl for him. He succeeded in that endeavor, and he and Tracy married before graduation. He gave up football to do construction and other work to keep his new family afloat as the two of them finished their coursework.
After college graduation, he and his bride moved in with Max and Lori briefly while they each began their job searches. It wasn't long before he landed a job as a manufacturer's sales rep for a nearby recreational vehicle manufacturer. As the entry-level "kid", he was given the least productive territory for the company; the NorthEast US.
David worked hard, bringing his usual enthusiasm to his job, and was soon the top salesman in his division. He was his usual friendly, enthusiastic, and honest self, and his customers learned they could count on him to take care of their needs. Once his orders were accounting for over half of the plant's production, other salepeople began complaining of the unfairness that David, the junior salesman, was allowed to keep the best territory for the company; which was, ahem, the NorthEast US.
David and Tracy started a family with their first daughter, Kara, and built a new home not far from Max and Lori. David and Max built the home together, using plans David had taken and modified from some home plans he liked. He continued to find activities to enjoy, from staying active in the church to joining a local gun club to shoot clays and targets.
His planning, scheming, and ideas turned to business. He partnered with Max to purchase a motor home that would be rented just enough each year to pay for it so the entire family could enjoy using it for vacation and camping trips. A plan he spearheaded with Max and big brother to purchase the remaining acreage in their housing development and launch a homebuilding company ended when the seller rejected the offer. Another plan with big brother to open an RV dealership continued as an ongoing discussion, at least until that fateful October day.
David's personality was outgoing, friendly, and fun-loving. He loved to laugh and was a good storyteller. He was open and friendly with everyone, and was never seen to be rude or dismissive of anyone. He had an easygoing faith, which he could share with others without being preachy or judgemental. He loved children, and they loved him back. When young children were around, David joined in their play. And despite his hulking presence and reputation for breaking things, he was gentle with the children even though they loved being lifted, tossed, spun, and carried around by their giant friend. (When his sister became engaged and married to another "David", everyone began referring to David Lee as "Little Dave". Guess which David was physically smaller.)
In the days and weeks leading up to that Halloween in 1989, David was very busy taking care of personal matters. Virtually all of his family and friends living away from his hometown received telephone calls from David those two or three days before Halloween. He called not to deliver any special information, but just to say hello and catch up. His elder brother received a call as well, and briefly pondered after it ended how is was very different from the typical call from little brother. The conversation was missing the usual exhuberant litany of the latest of David's plans, schemes, and ideas. Instead, it was just a conversation about life in general, how anyone could die at any time, and how he had just finished tying up all of his loose ends. He said, "I can die tomorrow, and my family will be in great shape". Then the conversation sort of ran out of steam, and there was an unprecedented silent lull, as if David was pondering whether to say something else. But he didn't, and the call ended with a tentative agreement to talk again over the weekend.
He had just finished paying off all his outstanding debts, bought a new life insurance policy and put a cancellation letter in the mail for the old one, completed the finishing touches on his new home, and generally taken care of every detail. He was happy, proud, and relaxed.
David was 26 on the evening before Halloween, when he was on his way home from work to have dinner with his parents, wife, and daughter. It was Max's birthday celebration. As the 6:00 dinnertime passed, those awaiting him at his home began to be concerned. Yes, David was known to often show up late, but never this late.
David had been driving home for dinner, running a little late and perhaps in a bit of a hurry. As he approached the intersection on the country road only a couple of miles from home, he must not have seen the other car speeding toward him from the crossroad to the left. Possibly the trees, still hanging on to their colorful fall foliage, blocked his view of the oncoming danger.
The Mexican immigrant driving the other car, who had stopped at the bar after work at a local factory and had a few too many, was on his way home as well. He was in more than a hurry, traveling an estimated 80mph in the 50mph zone. The stop sign at the cross-road didn't give him a second's pause, and he impacted the driver's door of David's car as it crossed his path through the intersection.
The phone rang at David's house. The waiting family was told that David had been in an accident, and had been transported to the local hospital. The family arrived to find he was already gone. He had probably been killed instantly in the crash from massive head trauma.
The community came out in force both to pay respects to the family during funeral home visitation, and in a standing-room-only crowd at his weekday funeral in his home church. A sudden storm dropped sleet and rain during his graveside memorial, then cleared and the sun peeked through the clouds as the mourners walked to their cars. It seemed as though God himself was weeping, then comforting everyone left behind with a glimpse of the sun's rays. His employer, co-workers, and clients sent huge bouquets. People from all over sent heartfelt cards and letters. A scholarship fund was created in his name. And since that letter did not reach the life insurance company until after the accident, his family collected on that policy, in addition to the newly purchased policy and his employer's policy.
Most of his co-workers were not church-going sorts. But those who know say that a half-dozen of them not only became enthusiastic Christians, but went beyond to become pastors, missionaries, and serve in other major roles for their churches. All influenced significantly by their friend and co-worker, not through words so much as example.
A few months after the accident, David's son, David Lee, was born. Today, everyone who knew his father remarks on how closely young David Lee resembles his father at the same age.
My little brother has been gone many years now, but I still think of him often. It sounds crazy, and probably is, but sometimes when I'm driving somewhere in my car I'll feel like he's close by. I turn off the radio and have a conversation with him, just like we used to during his brief adult years. And I could almost swear that I hear him talking to me. Crazy or not, such conversations bring me peace.
I don't worry about him, because I'm sure he's quite well and was just recently reunited with his mother. But I do still miss his friendship, his enthusiasm for life, his positive attitude, and his constant ideas, plans and schemes. My life's goal is to try to be just a little more like him in being accepting of others despite their flaws, always finding the positives in difficult situations, and staying optimistic and enthusiastic in everything I do.
But there was no breaking point, and David quickly integrated into the family. He was a busy, inquisitive, rambunctious child who as a toddler spent plenty of time in that glorified child cage dubbed "playpen". Because when he was outside of the playpen, there seemed to be no limit to the trouble he could get into.
A station wagon became a requirement for the family of six, including a third rear-facing seat the children referred to as the "way back". It was in this family vehicle that the first major vacation trip took place, a camping adventure with the used station wagon pulling a small pop-up camper. David's assigned seat was that "way back" seat, and the other siblings spent most of the trip arguing and negotiating whose turn it was to ride with him back there.
Despite his active nature, David was a chubby child. Most of the family believed that was primarily due to his need to keep up with his big brother in all things, including the volume of food consumption. David became so focused on food equity, he began to be called the "food sheriff" by his siblings. He closely monitored how many treats were consumed by his siblings, and was the family's self-appointed arbiter of fair distribution of treats.
Not an especially good student, David had some difficulty focusing in the classroom, a frequent topic for discussion in parent-teacher conferences at school. But he was adventurous, and showed a strong desire to try just about every activity. By high school, David participated in every available sport, played trumpet in the band, sang bass in choir and show choir, was active in scouting, his church youth group and choir, worked with his father on summer construction projects, and flipped burgers at McDonald's.
There was nothing that could deter David or get him down. He did everything with enthusiasm and joy, almost as if he was in a hurry to have as many experiences in as possible. And this enthusiasm did seem to pay off, as David was part of a State Championship with his High School football team, won an individual championship in a state weighlifting competition, was chosen MVP for Field Events on his Track team, and was elected the national Moderator for the church's denominational youth organization. He grew to 6'4" and about 285lbs in football shape, and was physically the strongest person I knew. He was for some time called "Destructo" because he had a knack for accidentally breaking things. Like a large bolt he broke when tightening it with a wrench, helping his father on a bridge repair project.
David went on to the church-affiliated Ashland College, where his parents and sisters also attended (and all but Lori graduated). In college, he played football and was selected as the student host for a visit by then-president Ronald Reagan and the First Lady. While in college, he continued his involvement in as many activities as possible, and enjoyed the entire experience.
At college he met Tracy, and told others before he'd even secured the first date that he knew she was the girl for him. He succeeded in that endeavor, and he and Tracy married before graduation. He gave up football to do construction and other work to keep his new family afloat as the two of them finished their coursework.
After college graduation, he and his bride moved in with Max and Lori briefly while they each began their job searches. It wasn't long before he landed a job as a manufacturer's sales rep for a nearby recreational vehicle manufacturer. As the entry-level "kid", he was given the least productive territory for the company; the NorthEast US.
David worked hard, bringing his usual enthusiasm to his job, and was soon the top salesman in his division. He was his usual friendly, enthusiastic, and honest self, and his customers learned they could count on him to take care of their needs. Once his orders were accounting for over half of the plant's production, other salepeople began complaining of the unfairness that David, the junior salesman, was allowed to keep the best territory for the company; which was, ahem, the NorthEast US.
David and Tracy started a family with their first daughter, Kara, and built a new home not far from Max and Lori. David and Max built the home together, using plans David had taken and modified from some home plans he liked. He continued to find activities to enjoy, from staying active in the church to joining a local gun club to shoot clays and targets.
His planning, scheming, and ideas turned to business. He partnered with Max to purchase a motor home that would be rented just enough each year to pay for it so the entire family could enjoy using it for vacation and camping trips. A plan he spearheaded with Max and big brother to purchase the remaining acreage in their housing development and launch a homebuilding company ended when the seller rejected the offer. Another plan with big brother to open an RV dealership continued as an ongoing discussion, at least until that fateful October day.
David's personality was outgoing, friendly, and fun-loving. He loved to laugh and was a good storyteller. He was open and friendly with everyone, and was never seen to be rude or dismissive of anyone. He had an easygoing faith, which he could share with others without being preachy or judgemental. He loved children, and they loved him back. When young children were around, David joined in their play. And despite his hulking presence and reputation for breaking things, he was gentle with the children even though they loved being lifted, tossed, spun, and carried around by their giant friend. (When his sister became engaged and married to another "David", everyone began referring to David Lee as "Little Dave". Guess which David was physically smaller.)
In the days and weeks leading up to that Halloween in 1989, David was very busy taking care of personal matters. Virtually all of his family and friends living away from his hometown received telephone calls from David those two or three days before Halloween. He called not to deliver any special information, but just to say hello and catch up. His elder brother received a call as well, and briefly pondered after it ended how is was very different from the typical call from little brother. The conversation was missing the usual exhuberant litany of the latest of David's plans, schemes, and ideas. Instead, it was just a conversation about life in general, how anyone could die at any time, and how he had just finished tying up all of his loose ends. He said, "I can die tomorrow, and my family will be in great shape". Then the conversation sort of ran out of steam, and there was an unprecedented silent lull, as if David was pondering whether to say something else. But he didn't, and the call ended with a tentative agreement to talk again over the weekend.
He had just finished paying off all his outstanding debts, bought a new life insurance policy and put a cancellation letter in the mail for the old one, completed the finishing touches on his new home, and generally taken care of every detail. He was happy, proud, and relaxed.
David was 26 on the evening before Halloween, when he was on his way home from work to have dinner with his parents, wife, and daughter. It was Max's birthday celebration. As the 6:00 dinnertime passed, those awaiting him at his home began to be concerned. Yes, David was known to often show up late, but never this late.
David had been driving home for dinner, running a little late and perhaps in a bit of a hurry. As he approached the intersection on the country road only a couple of miles from home, he must not have seen the other car speeding toward him from the crossroad to the left. Possibly the trees, still hanging on to their colorful fall foliage, blocked his view of the oncoming danger.
The Mexican immigrant driving the other car, who had stopped at the bar after work at a local factory and had a few too many, was on his way home as well. He was in more than a hurry, traveling an estimated 80mph in the 50mph zone. The stop sign at the cross-road didn't give him a second's pause, and he impacted the driver's door of David's car as it crossed his path through the intersection.
The phone rang at David's house. The waiting family was told that David had been in an accident, and had been transported to the local hospital. The family arrived to find he was already gone. He had probably been killed instantly in the crash from massive head trauma.
The community came out in force both to pay respects to the family during funeral home visitation, and in a standing-room-only crowd at his weekday funeral in his home church. A sudden storm dropped sleet and rain during his graveside memorial, then cleared and the sun peeked through the clouds as the mourners walked to their cars. It seemed as though God himself was weeping, then comforting everyone left behind with a glimpse of the sun's rays. His employer, co-workers, and clients sent huge bouquets. People from all over sent heartfelt cards and letters. A scholarship fund was created in his name. And since that letter did not reach the life insurance company until after the accident, his family collected on that policy, in addition to the newly purchased policy and his employer's policy.
Most of his co-workers were not church-going sorts. But those who know say that a half-dozen of them not only became enthusiastic Christians, but went beyond to become pastors, missionaries, and serve in other major roles for their churches. All influenced significantly by their friend and co-worker, not through words so much as example.
A few months after the accident, David's son, David Lee, was born. Today, everyone who knew his father remarks on how closely young David Lee resembles his father at the same age.
My little brother has been gone many years now, but I still think of him often. It sounds crazy, and probably is, but sometimes when I'm driving somewhere in my car I'll feel like he's close by. I turn off the radio and have a conversation with him, just like we used to during his brief adult years. And I could almost swear that I hear him talking to me. Crazy or not, such conversations bring me peace.
I don't worry about him, because I'm sure he's quite well and was just recently reunited with his mother. But I do still miss his friendship, his enthusiasm for life, his positive attitude, and his constant ideas, plans and schemes. My life's goal is to try to be just a little more like him in being accepting of others despite their flaws, always finding the positives in difficult situations, and staying optimistic and enthusiastic in everything I do.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Stupid Surveys
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: "We're $21 billion in size and we have been operating for a long time ..."
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? My whiteboard on the wall next to my desk
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Dune DVD (Sci-Fi Channel Version)
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 8:30pm
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? "Lucky One" by Amy Grant.
7. When did you last step outside? At 6:00 when I came back to the office.
8. What were you doing? coming back and walking in from the car?
9. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? a blog.
10. What are you wearing? SAS black shoes, khaki pants, blue checked shirt.
11. Did you dream last night? Always.
12. When did you last laugh? Hmm. I guess when I briefly saw a funny video on TV (AFV). Yesterday?
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Bulletin Board, Whiteboard, that's pretty much it. I know, I need to do better decorating my office. But that's for girls.
14. Seen anything weird lately? A small pickup truck upside-down in the ditch last weekend.
15. What do you think of this quiz? Waste of time. B@&#$&'s!
16. What is the last film you saw? in theatres, Robots in Florida I think. Disappointing.
17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what are some things you would buy? New home absolutely first. Car, but nothing terribly flashy, just comfortable. Something just for fun - maybe an airplane?
18. Tell me something about you that I don't know: I've played "spin the bottle" with really hot ladies on a beach on the Baltic Sea. (Don't tell anybody, it's a secret)
19. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Appoint myself dictator of the world. Slap down the bad, raise up the good, and proclaim to everybody else the edict that they get along with each other from now on "or else!".
20. Do you like to dance? When I was young and buff. No way now.
21. George Bush... The President. Like some policies and dislike others. Better than either Gore or Kerry, but far from my ideal pres. Gets a bad rap from ignorant people.
22. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Sarah.
23. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Nicholas - already did that.
24. Would you ever consider living abroad? Maybe temporarily. Depends on the country. Most countries outside the US are awful, nasty, grubby places.
25. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Ha Ha, got you good, didn't I?
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? My whiteboard on the wall next to my desk
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Dune DVD (Sci-Fi Channel Version)
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 8:30pm
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? "Lucky One" by Amy Grant.
7. When did you last step outside? At 6:00 when I came back to the office.
8. What were you doing? coming back and walking in from the car?
9. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? a blog.
10. What are you wearing? SAS black shoes, khaki pants, blue checked shirt.
11. Did you dream last night? Always.
12. When did you last laugh? Hmm. I guess when I briefly saw a funny video on TV (AFV). Yesterday?
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Bulletin Board, Whiteboard, that's pretty much it. I know, I need to do better decorating my office. But that's for girls.
14. Seen anything weird lately? A small pickup truck upside-down in the ditch last weekend.
15. What do you think of this quiz? Waste of time. B@&#$&'s!
16. What is the last film you saw? in theatres, Robots in Florida I think. Disappointing.
17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what are some things you would buy? New home absolutely first. Car, but nothing terribly flashy, just comfortable. Something just for fun - maybe an airplane?
18. Tell me something about you that I don't know: I've played "spin the bottle" with really hot ladies on a beach on the Baltic Sea. (Don't tell anybody, it's a secret)
19. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Appoint myself dictator of the world. Slap down the bad, raise up the good, and proclaim to everybody else the edict that they get along with each other from now on "or else!".
20. Do you like to dance? When I was young and buff. No way now.
21. George Bush... The President. Like some policies and dislike others. Better than either Gore or Kerry, but far from my ideal pres. Gets a bad rap from ignorant people.
22. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Sarah.
23. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Nicholas - already did that.
24. Would you ever consider living abroad? Maybe temporarily. Depends on the country. Most countries outside the US are awful, nasty, grubby places.
25. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Ha Ha, got you good, didn't I?
Tales from the Twilight Zone
When I took Chris to Florida for Spring Break a couple of weeks ago, part of our adventure was a day at Epcot (Disney). The entire day felt like deja vu, as I looked over faces in the crowd.
There must have been, hmm, at least a dozen faces in the crowd that looked eerily familiar. Not like I think I may have seen that person before, but like I should really know that person. But no amount of brain-racking could produce the memory of where I might have met each individual.
For example, there was a young teenage girl in line right in front of us at the Norway attraction, Maelstrom. As we made our way through the 20-minute wait, then shared the same boat, I kept racking my brain trying to figure out where I had seen her before. I came up empty. Her features, her walk, even her voice were so familiar I felt like I'd known her since she was a toddler. I briefly considered diplomatically asking her where she was from to try to get a clue, but decided against it because it might make her paranoid.
But she wasn't the only one that day that I saw and really thought, "I should know that person". One theory I've developed is that through all my travels I've seen thousands of people. And I'm one of those people who remembers faces, but I'm terrible with names. I've been in pretty much every major city in North America, in fact, the only US States I haven't visited are Alaska, Idaho, and Vermont. So, maybe since I've seen and met so many people all over the country over the years that I just can't remember everybody.
Then I consider another event that occurred in the Pittsburgh airport a few years ago. I was on the way somewhere, with a connection through Pittsburgh. Probably US Airways, since it's their hub. Anyway, when I walked up to my departure gate, I immediately noticed a woman there that looked very familiar. Not just "I've seen her before" familiar, but "I used to know her very well" familiar. Let me stress this point - I thought I knew her Very Well, as in Intimately, sometime in the past.
As I began trying to dredge up a memory of who she might be or how I knew her, I noticed she was looking back at me very intently. We spent the next 10 minutes playing a casual game of looking at each other but pretending not to, until she got up and strode directly over to where I was seated.
She began with, "I beg your pardon, but I just had the strongest feeling that I know you from somewhere". I responded that I had the same feeling. We discussed it for awhile, each trying to figure out where or when we may have met. But neither of us could figure it out. We tried out where we've each lived, where we went to College, even what sort of work we did, but nothing clicked. We both went on to our eventual destinations, and that was the end of it. But I still think back to that encounter from time to time and try again to figure out why we both would have such a strong feeling that we knew each other, when it seems impossible.
Like I said, welcome to the Twilight Zone. Between this sort of stuff, my unique other spooky experiences, and other prescient events, it's why Nick calls me "creepy" sometimes. But I don't think it's creepy at all, and there very well could be a very logical explanation for everything. I just haven't figured out what that explanation is just yet.
There must have been, hmm, at least a dozen faces in the crowd that looked eerily familiar. Not like I think I may have seen that person before, but like I should really know that person. But no amount of brain-racking could produce the memory of where I might have met each individual.
For example, there was a young teenage girl in line right in front of us at the Norway attraction, Maelstrom. As we made our way through the 20-minute wait, then shared the same boat, I kept racking my brain trying to figure out where I had seen her before. I came up empty. Her features, her walk, even her voice were so familiar I felt like I'd known her since she was a toddler. I briefly considered diplomatically asking her where she was from to try to get a clue, but decided against it because it might make her paranoid.
But she wasn't the only one that day that I saw and really thought, "I should know that person". One theory I've developed is that through all my travels I've seen thousands of people. And I'm one of those people who remembers faces, but I'm terrible with names. I've been in pretty much every major city in North America, in fact, the only US States I haven't visited are Alaska, Idaho, and Vermont. So, maybe since I've seen and met so many people all over the country over the years that I just can't remember everybody.
Then I consider another event that occurred in the Pittsburgh airport a few years ago. I was on the way somewhere, with a connection through Pittsburgh. Probably US Airways, since it's their hub. Anyway, when I walked up to my departure gate, I immediately noticed a woman there that looked very familiar. Not just "I've seen her before" familiar, but "I used to know her very well" familiar. Let me stress this point - I thought I knew her Very Well, as in Intimately, sometime in the past.
As I began trying to dredge up a memory of who she might be or how I knew her, I noticed she was looking back at me very intently. We spent the next 10 minutes playing a casual game of looking at each other but pretending not to, until she got up and strode directly over to where I was seated.
She began with, "I beg your pardon, but I just had the strongest feeling that I know you from somewhere". I responded that I had the same feeling. We discussed it for awhile, each trying to figure out where or when we may have met. But neither of us could figure it out. We tried out where we've each lived, where we went to College, even what sort of work we did, but nothing clicked. We both went on to our eventual destinations, and that was the end of it. But I still think back to that encounter from time to time and try again to figure out why we both would have such a strong feeling that we knew each other, when it seems impossible.
Like I said, welcome to the Twilight Zone. Between this sort of stuff, my unique other spooky experiences, and other prescient events, it's why Nick calls me "creepy" sometimes. But I don't think it's creepy at all, and there very well could be a very logical explanation for everything. I just haven't figured out what that explanation is just yet.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Conflict
Everywhere we go, there seem to be people fighting with each other. Conflict is a fact of life, whether on a national and international scale or between two individuals. I've been sort of studying conflict on my own recently, trying to understand the dynamics of what causes them to start, why they continue, and why they are so difficult to resolve.
The answer came from Tim this weekend, when I was having a serious talk with him about getting along with his mother. He made a very simple but profound statement, "I refuse to let her win".
That's it. It is so very simple. Conflict comes from pride and the human desire for control and dominance. Have you ever been in an argument with someone about something, and later after thinking about the issue more thoroughly figured out that the other person was right? Let me predict something: Rather than going back to that person and apologizing or at least admitting to them that they were right, you either refuse to discuss it further or continue to fight for your losing position. I've done it.
What's worse than being proven wrong, and having someone rub it in your face by saying, "I told you so"? Even then, don't we often rationalize that even though some unique circumstance made us wrong in that particular case, but our principle argument was still valid?
Or on the world stage, what's the biggest and most intractable conflict? I'd say the middle east conflicts, and by extension our terrorism problem, which can all be traced in some fashion to Israel. The extremes on the Palestinian side still hold the objective of pushing Israel into the sea. On the Israeli side, the opposite extreme wants to expel all of the Palestinians and once and for all claim the country of Israel as the promised land for the children of Israel.
Why can't they compromise and carve out a separate independent state for the Palestinians and live side by side in peace? Because too many on each side believe that such a solution means that the other side "won". Simple human pride mixed with a twisted theology driven by a minority of radical religious leaders. Even if the political leaders on both sides were successful in making such an agreement, would it end terrorism? No. The "true believers" will reject the treaty and probably step up their bombings in a desparate attempt to overturn things. They would probably assassinate the leaders responsible in the process. Remember Anwar Sadat?
Somewhere I heard once that the only way to end war is to win. Based on the history I've studied so far, it seems right. How many wars in the past have been resolved through the two warring parties sitting down and negotiating peace? Korea, maybe? I'm not sure that one worked out all that well. Does one or the other party always have to win, or can we be civilized enough to compromise and work things out? I'd say if one party in the conflict is somebody like Hitler, there is no alternative but to defeat him thoroughly. Or could it be said that all of our modern wars only occurred only because there was no alternative but absolute victory?
Whether between a parent and teen or two opposing political forces, can conflicts be resolved? Sometimes, but unfortunately most often, no. In each case, the best chance for reconciliation would seem to be the influence of an impartial and wise third party, who can arbitrate the dispute and help find a way for both sides to "win".
Personally, I've reached the stage of generally putting aside any personal pride to avoid conflict as much as possible. Maybe that's not such a productive approach either, but I'm honestly sick of fighting and watching others fight. It disgusts me that so many people abandon friendships and family members because of a stupid spat over something trivial. It's just no longer worth the effort. Sort of a passive-aggressive approach, I suppose, especially when I know I'm just walking away from conflict most of the time and making the one trying to start a fight with me angrier than before. I've learned to walk away from a fight (of course I'm not talking about a physical fight, but a verbal/emotional one). Because even if I win, I lose. Even if I'm right, there's no satisfaction to be gained in proving it at the expense of alienating the other person.
Makes me tired just thinking about it. Why can't we all just hear what others have to say, think about it carefully, then either agree or respectfully disagree and move on? Wouldn't the world be a much better place? Just like it takes two to tangle, it takes the same two to work it out.
Can I do so within my family? We'll see, but I'm not sure I pass the "wisdom" test. Who could do so for the middle east? Condi and GW? I suppose they're giving it their best shot, but we'll see.
The answer came from Tim this weekend, when I was having a serious talk with him about getting along with his mother. He made a very simple but profound statement, "I refuse to let her win".
That's it. It is so very simple. Conflict comes from pride and the human desire for control and dominance. Have you ever been in an argument with someone about something, and later after thinking about the issue more thoroughly figured out that the other person was right? Let me predict something: Rather than going back to that person and apologizing or at least admitting to them that they were right, you either refuse to discuss it further or continue to fight for your losing position. I've done it.
What's worse than being proven wrong, and having someone rub it in your face by saying, "I told you so"? Even then, don't we often rationalize that even though some unique circumstance made us wrong in that particular case, but our principle argument was still valid?
Or on the world stage, what's the biggest and most intractable conflict? I'd say the middle east conflicts, and by extension our terrorism problem, which can all be traced in some fashion to Israel. The extremes on the Palestinian side still hold the objective of pushing Israel into the sea. On the Israeli side, the opposite extreme wants to expel all of the Palestinians and once and for all claim the country of Israel as the promised land for the children of Israel.
Why can't they compromise and carve out a separate independent state for the Palestinians and live side by side in peace? Because too many on each side believe that such a solution means that the other side "won". Simple human pride mixed with a twisted theology driven by a minority of radical religious leaders. Even if the political leaders on both sides were successful in making such an agreement, would it end terrorism? No. The "true believers" will reject the treaty and probably step up their bombings in a desparate attempt to overturn things. They would probably assassinate the leaders responsible in the process. Remember Anwar Sadat?
Somewhere I heard once that the only way to end war is to win. Based on the history I've studied so far, it seems right. How many wars in the past have been resolved through the two warring parties sitting down and negotiating peace? Korea, maybe? I'm not sure that one worked out all that well. Does one or the other party always have to win, or can we be civilized enough to compromise and work things out? I'd say if one party in the conflict is somebody like Hitler, there is no alternative but to defeat him thoroughly. Or could it be said that all of our modern wars only occurred only because there was no alternative but absolute victory?
Whether between a parent and teen or two opposing political forces, can conflicts be resolved? Sometimes, but unfortunately most often, no. In each case, the best chance for reconciliation would seem to be the influence of an impartial and wise third party, who can arbitrate the dispute and help find a way for both sides to "win".
Personally, I've reached the stage of generally putting aside any personal pride to avoid conflict as much as possible. Maybe that's not such a productive approach either, but I'm honestly sick of fighting and watching others fight. It disgusts me that so many people abandon friendships and family members because of a stupid spat over something trivial. It's just no longer worth the effort. Sort of a passive-aggressive approach, I suppose, especially when I know I'm just walking away from conflict most of the time and making the one trying to start a fight with me angrier than before. I've learned to walk away from a fight (of course I'm not talking about a physical fight, but a verbal/emotional one). Because even if I win, I lose. Even if I'm right, there's no satisfaction to be gained in proving it at the expense of alienating the other person.
Makes me tired just thinking about it. Why can't we all just hear what others have to say, think about it carefully, then either agree or respectfully disagree and move on? Wouldn't the world be a much better place? Just like it takes two to tangle, it takes the same two to work it out.
Can I do so within my family? We'll see, but I'm not sure I pass the "wisdom" test. Who could do so for the middle east? Condi and GW? I suppose they're giving it their best shot, but we'll see.
Friday, April 08, 2005
HealthCare Revisited
Due to some interesting discussions lately, I'm inspired to post another healthcare thing. It kind of started with the statement,
"the American government's health care system is disgusting and vile. A country should take care of it's people better than that." - Penny from Canada
It's given me pause to think about the whole issue once again.
The key message above includes the assumption that it's the natural duty of a government to "take care of its people". It goes to the heart of what our country's all about, and the whole question of just what do we expect from our government. Canada's like most of Europe in that they are unabashed socialists. And of course, socialists believe the government's very reason for existence is to take care of its people. In general, the Americans that believe that are Democrats. For some, the government is just a benevolent entity that has unlimited resources to take care of its citizens. For others, it's the means of leveling out society so that nobody gets to be rich and nobody is allowed to be poor, because they believe in taking from those who have money and giving it to those who don't, whether they deserve it or not.
Aside from the politics, what about the American healthcare system? Is it the best in the world or "disgusting and vile"? Given the fact of my many years in HR consulting, which includes setting up Benefit Plans and Employee Enrollments for many companies, I think that gives me some license to pontificate on the subject.
American healthcare is the best in the world for those with the means to access it fully. Hands down. Anyone with unlimited resources or a great health insurance plan can get the best care on the planet. The problem exists for those who don't have either.
And it's not fair to say the government isn't trying to help. Penny in Canada may have never heard of Medicare or Medicaid, but everybody in America surely knows about these programs. Medicare covers our elderly, while Medicaid covers the poor and indigent. And as far as I have observed, both programs are addressing the needs of both groups, for the most part. Yes, you can start the prescription drug argument and be right, but our poor and elderly are overall well cared-for.
So who's falling through the cracks? Basically everyone else who's not rich but not poor, under 65, and not covered by an employer-sponsored health plan. The number of people in this category is increasing dramatically, and I'm one of them.
The average lower-to-middle-class family that isn't covered by an employer is effectively shut out of health coverage.
Here's why:
1. They can't afford COBRA. COBRA's required by law, and must be offered to employees who leave their company for up to 18 months. By then, they should be eligible for benefits with their new employer, even with pre-existing conditions. Sounds like a good idea, right? Yes, in fact it initially worked very well. But it doesn't work anymore because the premiums have effectively shut most working people out. My specific example - when I left my employer, the COBRA rate for covering my family was about $1,000 per month. How many people on average incomes can afford that? Actual costs for covering a typical family hover right around that range - the company I'm currently consulting with has a self-insured medical program with a rider for catastrophic costs, which they're budgeting very close to that $1,000 per month for every employee who signs up for the plan. Next year it could easily rise to $1,200.
2. Pre-Existing Conditions. Have a bit of asthma? A little overweight? Blood pressure a little above average? Ever had surgery for anything? Sorry, you're too high a risk for private insurers. They won't insure you at any price.
3. Choice. At current premium costs, even if they could access insurance and scrape together enough to keep current, it's such a high cost that people choose to roll the dice and go without.
But does this mean those people are denied care if they need it? Perhaps if they're too far behind on payments to their physician, he may turn them away unless they catch up on their unpaid bills. But generally, if someone requires emergency treatment for a life-threatening illness or injury, they will receive it. They also will be held liable for all of the related bills from Doctors, Hospitals, Medicines, Equipment, Ambulance Services, etc.
So what happens to the uninsured if they have a catastrophic illness or injury? They go bankrupt. Then at least the patient will qualify for Medicaid. Guess what that means. Right, the differerence gets passed on to everyone else in higher premiums. Medicare's already in the red, and Medicaid is bankrupting most states right now. And employer premiums continue to rise between 10 and 30 percent annually.
Sounds bad? It is bad. But what can be done?
Some say the government should step in and make sure everyone is covered. Institute socialized medicine. Eliminate evil private insurers that won't insure anyone but the healthiest and arbitrarily deny or delay needed treatments and surgeries. Expand Medicare to cover every citizen. It's Bill & Hillary's national health plan. Opponents say it will stifle innovation, lead to rationed care, and decimate the quality of care. Which is true, but to what degree is difficult to predict.
My ideas, which I outlined in an earlier blog, are these:
Let employers continue to purchase insurance privately as they do now; in fact, make sure they are incented to do so. Because the more people are insured through private plans, the less burden on the public plans.
Open government-sponsored clinics for the uninsured that charge whatever the patient is able to pay. In rural areas, the government could provide subsidies to help defray the costs.
Expand health savings accounts that let people put aside pre-tax dollars to use for medical expenses as they see fit. It's a great program already that should be expanded, but it's not the only solution.
Tort reform, of course. There still needs to be legal redress for true malpractice, but the junk lawsuits are ruining it for those who have legitimate claims.
Create a federally-sponsored insurance program for everyone that isn't already covered through a private plan with premiums indexed to income. I'd replace Medicaid with this sort of program. It would essentially be a gigantic group open to everyone in the country who needs coverage, but nobody gets it for free. There would be a premium directly tied to the individual family's income. If it's only $10 per month for a family in extreme poverty, so be it. Maybe it's up to $1,000 a month for those who can afford it but got turned down by the private insurers. And there can be different plan options, with lower or higher premiums based on the level of deductible or type of coverage elected, just like private plans offer today.
It's still socialized medicine? Yes, but it's socialized medicine with choice. People could still choose to remain uninsured, but they're rolling the dice on possible bankruptcy if they are hit with a catastrophic illness or injury down the road. And although I can't run numbers on what it would cost, I have to believe the total cost would be less than the current system.
Unfortunately, I can't make it happen, and there aren't any politicians who want to stay in office with the courage to champion the idea. Too many lobbyists paying them too much money will make sure the status quo stays in place.
"the American government's health care system is disgusting and vile. A country should take care of it's people better than that." - Penny from Canada
It's given me pause to think about the whole issue once again.
The key message above includes the assumption that it's the natural duty of a government to "take care of its people". It goes to the heart of what our country's all about, and the whole question of just what do we expect from our government. Canada's like most of Europe in that they are unabashed socialists. And of course, socialists believe the government's very reason for existence is to take care of its people. In general, the Americans that believe that are Democrats. For some, the government is just a benevolent entity that has unlimited resources to take care of its citizens. For others, it's the means of leveling out society so that nobody gets to be rich and nobody is allowed to be poor, because they believe in taking from those who have money and giving it to those who don't, whether they deserve it or not.
Aside from the politics, what about the American healthcare system? Is it the best in the world or "disgusting and vile"? Given the fact of my many years in HR consulting, which includes setting up Benefit Plans and Employee Enrollments for many companies, I think that gives me some license to pontificate on the subject.
American healthcare is the best in the world for those with the means to access it fully. Hands down. Anyone with unlimited resources or a great health insurance plan can get the best care on the planet. The problem exists for those who don't have either.
And it's not fair to say the government isn't trying to help. Penny in Canada may have never heard of Medicare or Medicaid, but everybody in America surely knows about these programs. Medicare covers our elderly, while Medicaid covers the poor and indigent. And as far as I have observed, both programs are addressing the needs of both groups, for the most part. Yes, you can start the prescription drug argument and be right, but our poor and elderly are overall well cared-for.
So who's falling through the cracks? Basically everyone else who's not rich but not poor, under 65, and not covered by an employer-sponsored health plan. The number of people in this category is increasing dramatically, and I'm one of them.
The average lower-to-middle-class family that isn't covered by an employer is effectively shut out of health coverage.
Here's why:
1. They can't afford COBRA. COBRA's required by law, and must be offered to employees who leave their company for up to 18 months. By then, they should be eligible for benefits with their new employer, even with pre-existing conditions. Sounds like a good idea, right? Yes, in fact it initially worked very well. But it doesn't work anymore because the premiums have effectively shut most working people out. My specific example - when I left my employer, the COBRA rate for covering my family was about $1,000 per month. How many people on average incomes can afford that? Actual costs for covering a typical family hover right around that range - the company I'm currently consulting with has a self-insured medical program with a rider for catastrophic costs, which they're budgeting very close to that $1,000 per month for every employee who signs up for the plan. Next year it could easily rise to $1,200.
2. Pre-Existing Conditions. Have a bit of asthma? A little overweight? Blood pressure a little above average? Ever had surgery for anything? Sorry, you're too high a risk for private insurers. They won't insure you at any price.
3. Choice. At current premium costs, even if they could access insurance and scrape together enough to keep current, it's such a high cost that people choose to roll the dice and go without.
But does this mean those people are denied care if they need it? Perhaps if they're too far behind on payments to their physician, he may turn them away unless they catch up on their unpaid bills. But generally, if someone requires emergency treatment for a life-threatening illness or injury, they will receive it. They also will be held liable for all of the related bills from Doctors, Hospitals, Medicines, Equipment, Ambulance Services, etc.
So what happens to the uninsured if they have a catastrophic illness or injury? They go bankrupt. Then at least the patient will qualify for Medicaid. Guess what that means. Right, the differerence gets passed on to everyone else in higher premiums. Medicare's already in the red, and Medicaid is bankrupting most states right now. And employer premiums continue to rise between 10 and 30 percent annually.
Sounds bad? It is bad. But what can be done?
Some say the government should step in and make sure everyone is covered. Institute socialized medicine. Eliminate evil private insurers that won't insure anyone but the healthiest and arbitrarily deny or delay needed treatments and surgeries. Expand Medicare to cover every citizen. It's Bill & Hillary's national health plan. Opponents say it will stifle innovation, lead to rationed care, and decimate the quality of care. Which is true, but to what degree is difficult to predict.
My ideas, which I outlined in an earlier blog, are these:
Let employers continue to purchase insurance privately as they do now; in fact, make sure they are incented to do so. Because the more people are insured through private plans, the less burden on the public plans.
Open government-sponsored clinics for the uninsured that charge whatever the patient is able to pay. In rural areas, the government could provide subsidies to help defray the costs.
Expand health savings accounts that let people put aside pre-tax dollars to use for medical expenses as they see fit. It's a great program already that should be expanded, but it's not the only solution.
Tort reform, of course. There still needs to be legal redress for true malpractice, but the junk lawsuits are ruining it for those who have legitimate claims.
Create a federally-sponsored insurance program for everyone that isn't already covered through a private plan with premiums indexed to income. I'd replace Medicaid with this sort of program. It would essentially be a gigantic group open to everyone in the country who needs coverage, but nobody gets it for free. There would be a premium directly tied to the individual family's income. If it's only $10 per month for a family in extreme poverty, so be it. Maybe it's up to $1,000 a month for those who can afford it but got turned down by the private insurers. And there can be different plan options, with lower or higher premiums based on the level of deductible or type of coverage elected, just like private plans offer today.
It's still socialized medicine? Yes, but it's socialized medicine with choice. People could still choose to remain uninsured, but they're rolling the dice on possible bankruptcy if they are hit with a catastrophic illness or injury down the road. And although I can't run numbers on what it would cost, I have to believe the total cost would be less than the current system.
Unfortunately, I can't make it happen, and there aren't any politicians who want to stay in office with the courage to champion the idea. Too many lobbyists paying them too much money will make sure the status quo stays in place.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Too Busy
Why take time I don't have to update my blog? I can't seem to figure it out, but here I am.
My calendar is jammed well into May, and indications are it will continue through the summer. Great for the bank account, but it raises big questions about where I go from here from a business standpoint.
Do I officially put the web business on the back burner or get serious about finding somebody to work for me? My main contact at the computer repair shop I've been partnering with for that sort of stuff for my clients left, and I just discovered they're abandoning the partnership. Just as well, as I was beginning to discover that their services weren't of the highest quality. Basically my contact there was the best they had, and now that he's gone they would be a liability to me anyway. Unfortunately, that means I've got a computer at the office I have to get fixed on my own when I get back in town. Wish I could bribe Nick to come home & take care of it. I really don't have time for that stuff, but have to keep the customers happy.
If I don't work on building the other facets of my business, I'll get stuck out here on the road again, which is a major reason I left the old company to begin with. It's kind of an interesting dilemma; I enjoy the work, and most of the time sort of like traveling around the country and meeting the variety of people I encounter. On the other hand, when I travel too much, I get lonely and miserable and feel guilty about neglecting the boys. Well, I guess now it's pretty much down to only 1 boy I'll be neglecting, but he counts too.
If anybody knows a smart, internet-savvy person who is or has the potential to be a decent salesperson, please send him or her my way. I'm convinced the right person could earn big bucks, as I'm prepared to offer a generous commission plan.
I hear it's beautiful outside - must get out there before the sun sets to check it out.
My calendar is jammed well into May, and indications are it will continue through the summer. Great for the bank account, but it raises big questions about where I go from here from a business standpoint.
Do I officially put the web business on the back burner or get serious about finding somebody to work for me? My main contact at the computer repair shop I've been partnering with for that sort of stuff for my clients left, and I just discovered they're abandoning the partnership. Just as well, as I was beginning to discover that their services weren't of the highest quality. Basically my contact there was the best they had, and now that he's gone they would be a liability to me anyway. Unfortunately, that means I've got a computer at the office I have to get fixed on my own when I get back in town. Wish I could bribe Nick to come home & take care of it. I really don't have time for that stuff, but have to keep the customers happy.
If I don't work on building the other facets of my business, I'll get stuck out here on the road again, which is a major reason I left the old company to begin with. It's kind of an interesting dilemma; I enjoy the work, and most of the time sort of like traveling around the country and meeting the variety of people I encounter. On the other hand, when I travel too much, I get lonely and miserable and feel guilty about neglecting the boys. Well, I guess now it's pretty much down to only 1 boy I'll be neglecting, but he counts too.
If anybody knows a smart, internet-savvy person who is or has the potential to be a decent salesperson, please send him or her my way. I'm convinced the right person could earn big bucks, as I'm prepared to offer a generous commission plan.
I hear it's beautiful outside - must get out there before the sun sets to check it out.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
The Light at the end of the Tunnel
Today was the nicest day I've had in a very long time. Sometimes I don't realize how badly things have been going until they get better and I look back. Well, this is a day where, almost miraculously, things turned the corner, the light appeared at the end of the tunnel, or choose your own cliched analogy.
After an Autumn of hope but some stress over the slow business progress, the winter came. The stress of uncertainty over the success or failure of the business intensified, I began accepting out-of-town consulting assignments from my former employer, and my family were at each other's throats like never before.
High stress was due to constant bickering at home, the eldest off at college making it clear he had no desire to return home, even for a visit, the "great flood" from the upstairs bathroom, our inability to get Health Insurance at any price, the sullen, angry, and absolute rebelliousness of son #2, and my absolute inability to do anything about any of it.
But today was different. Everyone was in good spirits, nobody fought, and we were even able to have a little bit of fun this weekend as a family.
Why? The change in the weather was certainly a factor. After a dismal and dreary winter and spring, we finally got a day that was sunny, warm, and pleasant. But that can't be the only reason. We also were attending Masses to commemorate John Paul II, which seems to have effected everyone in some way. But that effect isn't easy to define, other than the signs from the rest of the family that show their respect and concern.
For my part, I got the call Saturday afternoon asking me to sing for the Saturday evening Mass at St. B's, which they wanted to make special in remembrance of the Pope. Initially, I just was mildly honored to be asked, but there was a very special atmosphere in that Mass that didn't really come from the presider, the musicians, or the congregation. In fact, there wasn't that much said about John Paul II at the Mass, but nonetheless the hushed and prayerful attitude of the very large turnout told its own story of the significance of the day.
Our a capella rendition of Ave Verum Corpus turned out to be a very good choice, I think. It was surpising to each of us that we were able to put the quintet together so quickly and pull off the moderately challenging piece as if we'd been rehearsing for weeks. Knowing it sounds kooky to most people, I have to feel like we had a little divine assistance with that performance.
As the end of that Mass approached, we were singing an hymn, and I suddenly found myself getting choked up. Even telling myself that there was no reason to be emotional, I still felt deeply in a way very similar to the emotions present at my brother's and mother's funerals.
Interesting that I didn't start out this blog with the intent of writing a tribute to the Pope, but somehow that's how it turned out. My conclusion is that I'm thankful for whatever helped restore harmony to my family, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to have Karol Wojtyla as probably the greatest Pope of the modern era.
Now I hope the family harmony continues.
After an Autumn of hope but some stress over the slow business progress, the winter came. The stress of uncertainty over the success or failure of the business intensified, I began accepting out-of-town consulting assignments from my former employer, and my family were at each other's throats like never before.
High stress was due to constant bickering at home, the eldest off at college making it clear he had no desire to return home, even for a visit, the "great flood" from the upstairs bathroom, our inability to get Health Insurance at any price, the sullen, angry, and absolute rebelliousness of son #2, and my absolute inability to do anything about any of it.
But today was different. Everyone was in good spirits, nobody fought, and we were even able to have a little bit of fun this weekend as a family.
Why? The change in the weather was certainly a factor. After a dismal and dreary winter and spring, we finally got a day that was sunny, warm, and pleasant. But that can't be the only reason. We also were attending Masses to commemorate John Paul II, which seems to have effected everyone in some way. But that effect isn't easy to define, other than the signs from the rest of the family that show their respect and concern.
For my part, I got the call Saturday afternoon asking me to sing for the Saturday evening Mass at St. B's, which they wanted to make special in remembrance of the Pope. Initially, I just was mildly honored to be asked, but there was a very special atmosphere in that Mass that didn't really come from the presider, the musicians, or the congregation. In fact, there wasn't that much said about John Paul II at the Mass, but nonetheless the hushed and prayerful attitude of the very large turnout told its own story of the significance of the day.
Our a capella rendition of Ave Verum Corpus turned out to be a very good choice, I think. It was surpising to each of us that we were able to put the quintet together so quickly and pull off the moderately challenging piece as if we'd been rehearsing for weeks. Knowing it sounds kooky to most people, I have to feel like we had a little divine assistance with that performance.
As the end of that Mass approached, we were singing an hymn, and I suddenly found myself getting choked up. Even telling myself that there was no reason to be emotional, I still felt deeply in a way very similar to the emotions present at my brother's and mother's funerals.
Interesting that I didn't start out this blog with the intent of writing a tribute to the Pope, but somehow that's how it turned out. My conclusion is that I'm thankful for whatever helped restore harmony to my family, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to have Karol Wojtyla as probably the greatest Pope of the modern era.
Now I hope the family harmony continues.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Who Wants to Live Like That?
"I wouldn't want to live like that".
The most common comment I hear from people who seem to support the tragic court orders withholding hydration and nutrition (food & water) from Terri Schiavo.
Is it really true what the media is reporting, that 70% of Americans think the government should butt out and let Terri die in peace? Is it really true that 70% of Americans think it's OK to starve someone to death if they are living a life most of us would find of low quality?
I've heard outrageous rhetoric from both sides of the issue. One side suggests the original cause of Terri's condition was brought on directly through abuse by her husband, and there are all sorts of evil motives behind his fight to keep her parents away and starve her to death. On the other side are claims that Terri feels no pain, is somehow happy to be in her final hours, and that a feeding tube represents some sort of artificial life support.
As I always try to do in every issue, I've bypassed all the hype and spin to get to the basic facts of the case. Only by thinking about what we know for sure can we make a reasoned decision about how we feel about whether we're killing Terri by starving her to death or merely letting her die by removing medical treatment.
The facts: Terri is profoundly brain-damaged, but does not require any special medical treatment to keep her alive. There are conflicting stories about whether she receives nutrition via feeding tube because she's incapable of ingesting food and water, or whether the feeding tube is merely for convenience of her caregivers, as feeding her normally would be similar to feeding an infant.
Also being argued is whether or how much Terri is able to feel, interact, understand, etc. There seem to be plenty of opinions ranging from those who say she is awake, aware, and even responds to others by smiling and grunting, to those who try to suggest she is "brain dead". Where is the line exactly drawn where anyone could be declared "brain dead"? I certainly don't know, but more importantly, who gets to decide?
So, the courts have ruled that Terri must die. The interpretation of the law as I understand it is that her husband, as her legal guardian, has the right to make that decision on her behalf. Her death is to occur by the simple removal of food and water until she dies of dehydration and/or malnutrition.
Is this where our society has arrived? Are we now prepared to starve people to death based on our own feelings about whether their quality of life matches our own standards? How does this case effect what might happen to our grandparents, our parents, ourselves?
The description of Terri's functional level I recently heard was that of about a 10-month-old infant. That certainly doesn't sound "brain dead" to me. How many Alzheimers patients are in nursing homes everywhere who could also be described as functioning at the level of a 10-month-old infant? Is their quality of life any better or worse? Should we starve them to death as well?
How many family members, whether spouses or children, might be tempted to use the Terri Schiavo precedent to kill their disabled loved one? How easy could it be to simply go tell the judge that "Dad told me not to let him live like that, so I am requesting that we remove his nutritional treatments so he can die in peace". After all, if Dad doesn't die soon, the nursing home is going to get all of his estate and his living children won't get their inheritance. Is that OK with everyone?
Thinking about Christopher Reeve. He really shouldn't have survived his accident, then nobody expected him to live nearly as long as he did. Without the unbelievably expensive yet innovative medical care, along with his own very strong desire to live, he proved that life finds a way. Wouldn't most people in his condition also say, "I wouldn't want to live like that"? Should Christopher Reeve been allowed to die by removing his respirator?
Where does it end? Should we just euthanize cancer patients, people with disabilities, Down's Syndrome, amputees, paraplegics, quadriplegics, schizophrenics, obsessive-compulsives, depressed people? What is "quality of life"? Who has it and who doesn't? Most of all, who gets to decide?
I think we've crossed a line that we may never again be able to re-cross. And I'm very frightened and depressed.
WAIT! I didn't mean I don't want to live like this. Please don't kill me!
The most common comment I hear from people who seem to support the tragic court orders withholding hydration and nutrition (food & water) from Terri Schiavo.
Is it really true what the media is reporting, that 70% of Americans think the government should butt out and let Terri die in peace? Is it really true that 70% of Americans think it's OK to starve someone to death if they are living a life most of us would find of low quality?
I've heard outrageous rhetoric from both sides of the issue. One side suggests the original cause of Terri's condition was brought on directly through abuse by her husband, and there are all sorts of evil motives behind his fight to keep her parents away and starve her to death. On the other side are claims that Terri feels no pain, is somehow happy to be in her final hours, and that a feeding tube represents some sort of artificial life support.
As I always try to do in every issue, I've bypassed all the hype and spin to get to the basic facts of the case. Only by thinking about what we know for sure can we make a reasoned decision about how we feel about whether we're killing Terri by starving her to death or merely letting her die by removing medical treatment.
The facts: Terri is profoundly brain-damaged, but does not require any special medical treatment to keep her alive. There are conflicting stories about whether she receives nutrition via feeding tube because she's incapable of ingesting food and water, or whether the feeding tube is merely for convenience of her caregivers, as feeding her normally would be similar to feeding an infant.
Also being argued is whether or how much Terri is able to feel, interact, understand, etc. There seem to be plenty of opinions ranging from those who say she is awake, aware, and even responds to others by smiling and grunting, to those who try to suggest she is "brain dead". Where is the line exactly drawn where anyone could be declared "brain dead"? I certainly don't know, but more importantly, who gets to decide?
So, the courts have ruled that Terri must die. The interpretation of the law as I understand it is that her husband, as her legal guardian, has the right to make that decision on her behalf. Her death is to occur by the simple removal of food and water until she dies of dehydration and/or malnutrition.
Is this where our society has arrived? Are we now prepared to starve people to death based on our own feelings about whether their quality of life matches our own standards? How does this case effect what might happen to our grandparents, our parents, ourselves?
The description of Terri's functional level I recently heard was that of about a 10-month-old infant. That certainly doesn't sound "brain dead" to me. How many Alzheimers patients are in nursing homes everywhere who could also be described as functioning at the level of a 10-month-old infant? Is their quality of life any better or worse? Should we starve them to death as well?
How many family members, whether spouses or children, might be tempted to use the Terri Schiavo precedent to kill their disabled loved one? How easy could it be to simply go tell the judge that "Dad told me not to let him live like that, so I am requesting that we remove his nutritional treatments so he can die in peace". After all, if Dad doesn't die soon, the nursing home is going to get all of his estate and his living children won't get their inheritance. Is that OK with everyone?
Thinking about Christopher Reeve. He really shouldn't have survived his accident, then nobody expected him to live nearly as long as he did. Without the unbelievably expensive yet innovative medical care, along with his own very strong desire to live, he proved that life finds a way. Wouldn't most people in his condition also say, "I wouldn't want to live like that"? Should Christopher Reeve been allowed to die by removing his respirator?
Where does it end? Should we just euthanize cancer patients, people with disabilities, Down's Syndrome, amputees, paraplegics, quadriplegics, schizophrenics, obsessive-compulsives, depressed people? What is "quality of life"? Who has it and who doesn't? Most of all, who gets to decide?
I think we've crossed a line that we may never again be able to re-cross. And I'm very frightened and depressed.
WAIT! I didn't mean I don't want to live like this. Please don't kill me!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Spring Break
Here it is, my Spring Break Post! I'm looking forward to some warm weather, relaxation, and time with extended family.
So as promised, to follow up on my pet peeves, I'll turn to the positive side and post my favorite things. These are the best things I've experienced in my life, many of which will never happen again. I know a lot of this dates me, but so what. Maybe new, enen better things will happen in the future. But some memories are so good I'm sad that they'll always just remain memories while being happy they happened in the first place.
Favorite Things/Memories:
So as promised, to follow up on my pet peeves, I'll turn to the positive side and post my favorite things. These are the best things I've experienced in my life, many of which will never happen again. I know a lot of this dates me, but so what. Maybe new, enen better things will happen in the future. But some memories are so good I'm sad that they'll always just remain memories while being happy they happened in the first place.
Favorite Things/Memories:
- shooting baskets
- snorkeling in Hawaii
- Singing in front of a huge crowd of Russians who were loving it
- The whole performing tour of Russia, Latvia, and Poland
- Dress Rehearsals for Musicals & Operas at College
- 2AM Breakfasts with friends at Sambo's (Think Denny's in 1977)
- Disco in the 70's (go ahead and make fun, it was a blast)
- Seeing almost the entire US and a big chunk of Canada
- Taking young sons to minor league baseball games in S. Carolina
- Finding "the zone" and going off for 26 points in HS JV basketball game
- Beating Frat boy teams in basketball with the "Concert Choir" team
- Watching Larry Bird & the Celtics in his prime, almost courtside during playoffs against Atlanta
- Playing with the Trombone Choir
- Traveling all over the place performing with University Singers
- Signing autographs
- Seeing Texas Rangers vs. NY Yankees at brand new stadium, 3 rows above the Yankees dugout
- Driving through the countryside with my favorite tunes on the radio and a sweet girl tucked under my arm
- Tobogganing in Michigan with all my friends
- Trip to Cedar Point Amusement Park after all-night party with friends
- Meeting and talking with Red Skelton before a show
- Hanging out with Atlanta Rhythm Section band after a concert
- Singing a song that touches the audience - seeing emotions and tears out there as I sing
- Nailing a performance and feeling the audience's reaction
- Family Florida trips
- Pancaking DB's in football
- Dancing (sorry, you'll never see me do that again!)
- Dancing at the Disco in Poznan, Poland
- Touring Buenos Aires, staying at the Intercontinental
- Sledding with a gang of friends
- Singing "O Canada" and "The Star-Spangled Banner" under a spotlight at center ice for the Komets hockey team
- Late-night recording sessions
- Sitting around a living room with lots of friends singing and playing games
- Going to NCAA basketball tournament
- Colts games
- Soccer tournaments with Nick
- Getting to every football game this past Fall and watching Tim's team get to Final 4
- Ball State Men's volleyball vs. Ohio State in '77
- Singing for weddings
- Meeting Red Skelton, Bob Hope, Don Shula, McKenzie Phillips, Wierd Al Yankovic, England Dan & John Ford Coley, Harry Chapin, Donnie & Marie Osmond, Maureen McGovern, Mario Andretti, Robert Ballard, Kenny Rogers, Crystal Gayle, Daryl Hall & John Oates, David Lee Roth, Eddie Van Halen, Merle Haggard, and others that slip my mind right now.
- Ice Cream
- Walking on the beach (any beach)
- Evening alone with my girl, fire in the fireplace, and Chicago on the stereo
- Steaks on the grill
- Manhattan Transfer in concert
- Taping singing performances for television
- Family vacations at Lake Tippecanoe
- Sailing, boating, skiing
- Trips to Gatlinburg, Tennessee
- Seeing Nick as the Prince in Cinderella
- Fishing and not caring whether I catch anything
- Living at the Monastery
- Playing with my toddlers
- Watching kids grow up
There are plenty more, but that's enough for now.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Lists
If you want to hear my "other story" (see previous post), wait awhile, I'll get to it eventually.
After a very long and busy work week, I feel like making a list. This list is of my pet peeves.
Here goes, in no particular order:
After a very long and busy work week, I feel like making a list. This list is of my pet peeves.
Here goes, in no particular order:
- People on the interstate doing 90 in their big Mercedes, coming up so close they almost tap my bumper and flash their lights to try to intimidate me into driving off the interstate, because there's a string of about 20 big rigs in the right lane.
- The idiots trying to go around everyone by driving up the shoulder in a construction zone, and end up being the cause of the chain-reaction that brings the entire traffic stream to a dead stop.
- Women applying perfume or strong-scented cremes and lotions nearby in a closed space like an airplane. Then they get to watch me throw up.
- While we're on women, women who feel the need to apply their makeup in public, even at the table in a restaurant. Talk about losing an appetite.
- Parents who let their small children get their own food with no supervision at buffets. Kids that need help, drop things, handle the food with their hands, and sneeze and cough all over the buffet.
- Parents of wild children who refuse to lift a finger to quiet, calm, or otherwise try to keep them from driving everyone else in the public place nuts.
- More parents - that let their kids run wild through the neighborhood after school and don't even show up to feed them dinner, parents who don't care whether their kids succeed, abusive, neglectful, inattentive, just so many bad parents it makes me sad.
- Customer service from the telephone company, airlines, BMV, stores, restaurants; Wait, I finally got it! There is no such thing as customer service! No wonder I've been unhappy about it all these years.
- Politicians who lie; believing the end justifies the means.
- Reporters who perpetuate politicians' lies. Because they are aligned with the same political party line. Forget "unbiased journalism", it almost doesn't exist anymore.
- Planned obsolescence.
- Dropped cellular calls. Even when your signal strength is max.
- Friends who aren't really.
- Customers who will lie and cheat to save a couple of bucks.
- The uber-righteous
- Athiest anti-religion activists
- The ACLU. Wouldn't it be nice if they actually fought for what their name says instead of denying others their rights?
- Hatred
- People who base their life's philosophy on emotion, abandoning reason and practicality
- Smokers in a non-smoking area
- Smokers creating a gauntlet outside the building you need to enter
- Mullets and Dreadlocks
- Hip-Hop and Rap
- High gas prices
- Drug Dealers
- Drunk Drivers
- Health Insurance Companies
- Apostate denominations, churches, pastors, priests
- Hurtful and untruthful name-calling, used either to prop up a losing argument or make oneself feel better at the expense of another
- Unfettered Profanity
- Judge George Greer, who just sentenced Terry Schiavo to death by starvation and told the US Congress to get lost.
Maybe my next list should be positive, like favorite things.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Decide for Yourself
Read my story and decide for yourself how you would interpret what happened.
I've already got my own interpretation, because after all, I am the one who had the experience. This is one of two such experiences I have had in my lifetime, the second of which I will publish sometime later.
It was the spring of 1975. I was 17, and looking forward to my high school graduation. My family had recently moved into a brand new home built by my father with some help from my brother and me. I thought it was a terrific home, with plenty of space and a bedroom of my own.
On Sunday morning, I was lying in my bed asleep. I found myself awake, but at first a little disoriented. Instead of opening my eyes to see the normal view of my bedroom, I was looking down at my own body lying in the bed. I immediately realized that I had died, but was not in the least upset or concerned about that fact. It was a sort of bemused detachment, observing the lifeless body on the bed and knowing it was mine, but not feeling any particular distress about that realization.
It wasn't very long at all, no more than a few seconds, when I felt an inviting presence from a growing light behind me. It seemed to be coming through the top corner of my bedroom at the opposite corner from the bed.
But it wasn't just a light. There was a presence inside the light. So far, the presence had no form or name, but the welcoming message was clear, inviting me to move into the light. Strangely, although the light was a brilliant white light, brighter than any light I had ever experienced, it did not hurt my eyes to look into, nor did it seem to emanate heat.
But inside the light was the most loving, caring, consoling, welcoming presence beyond anything I could have imagined. The nonverbal invitiation was clearly encouraging me to pass from my room, my home, and the earthly plane to whatever dimension the light inhabited. This was no dream, as everything around me was completely real, in vivid color, and I was fully awake and alert.
Just as I began to move toward the light, in a way that might seem like floating but seemed much freer, I spotted my mother walking toward my room in the hallway. I was momentarily bemused by how easily I could see her through the walls and the door. As she approached, wearing her customary blue housecoat and slippers, I heard her say or maybe think, "I have to get Dan up."
Immediately I told (who, the presence, the light, God?), "I can't go, my Mom's coming". But, then again, I didn't really "say" it, I just sort of expressed it in some non-verbal manner that I knew was perfectly understood. "He" openly accepted my desire to return, and in less than a blink of the eye, I was sitting up in my bed as my mother lightly knocked and opened my bedroom door. "Time to get up, Dan", she said. I replied, "I just had the most amazing dream!". She just smiled and told me to get ready for Church.
Getting out of bed, I felt the most incredible euphoria, as if all of my problems, worries, aches and pains, and everything else had been taken away. I enthusiastically showered, had breakfast, and went to Church. At Church, I had a feeling that they all meant well but were missing the point in some way. On the other hand, I couldn't exactly explain what point it was that they were missing, but I did have this lingering feeling that all the questions of God, the Universe, my Life's purpose, and other things all had really very simple answers. For some reason, I just seemed to have a mental block that wouldn't let me access those answers, other than the those basic things I now knew; That there is order to the Universe, death is most definitely not the end of life, and an indescribable love and peace await me on the other side.
I remember trying to share this experience with members of my family. Reactions ranged from dismissive ("It's just a dream") to patronizing ("That's nice") to negative ("Stop being creepy"). So I didn't really share the story very much after that.
In fact, I hadn't thought about it much for a long time until earlier this year, when I had another, very vivid dream. This time it wasn't about me, but my mother.
But that's another story.
I've already got my own interpretation, because after all, I am the one who had the experience. This is one of two such experiences I have had in my lifetime, the second of which I will publish sometime later.
It was the spring of 1975. I was 17, and looking forward to my high school graduation. My family had recently moved into a brand new home built by my father with some help from my brother and me. I thought it was a terrific home, with plenty of space and a bedroom of my own.
On Sunday morning, I was lying in my bed asleep. I found myself awake, but at first a little disoriented. Instead of opening my eyes to see the normal view of my bedroom, I was looking down at my own body lying in the bed. I immediately realized that I had died, but was not in the least upset or concerned about that fact. It was a sort of bemused detachment, observing the lifeless body on the bed and knowing it was mine, but not feeling any particular distress about that realization.
It wasn't very long at all, no more than a few seconds, when I felt an inviting presence from a growing light behind me. It seemed to be coming through the top corner of my bedroom at the opposite corner from the bed.
But it wasn't just a light. There was a presence inside the light. So far, the presence had no form or name, but the welcoming message was clear, inviting me to move into the light. Strangely, although the light was a brilliant white light, brighter than any light I had ever experienced, it did not hurt my eyes to look into, nor did it seem to emanate heat.
But inside the light was the most loving, caring, consoling, welcoming presence beyond anything I could have imagined. The nonverbal invitiation was clearly encouraging me to pass from my room, my home, and the earthly plane to whatever dimension the light inhabited. This was no dream, as everything around me was completely real, in vivid color, and I was fully awake and alert.
Just as I began to move toward the light, in a way that might seem like floating but seemed much freer, I spotted my mother walking toward my room in the hallway. I was momentarily bemused by how easily I could see her through the walls and the door. As she approached, wearing her customary blue housecoat and slippers, I heard her say or maybe think, "I have to get Dan up."
Immediately I told (who, the presence, the light, God?), "I can't go, my Mom's coming". But, then again, I didn't really "say" it, I just sort of expressed it in some non-verbal manner that I knew was perfectly understood. "He" openly accepted my desire to return, and in less than a blink of the eye, I was sitting up in my bed as my mother lightly knocked and opened my bedroom door. "Time to get up, Dan", she said. I replied, "I just had the most amazing dream!". She just smiled and told me to get ready for Church.
Getting out of bed, I felt the most incredible euphoria, as if all of my problems, worries, aches and pains, and everything else had been taken away. I enthusiastically showered, had breakfast, and went to Church. At Church, I had a feeling that they all meant well but were missing the point in some way. On the other hand, I couldn't exactly explain what point it was that they were missing, but I did have this lingering feeling that all the questions of God, the Universe, my Life's purpose, and other things all had really very simple answers. For some reason, I just seemed to have a mental block that wouldn't let me access those answers, other than the those basic things I now knew; That there is order to the Universe, death is most definitely not the end of life, and an indescribable love and peace await me on the other side.
I remember trying to share this experience with members of my family. Reactions ranged from dismissive ("It's just a dream") to patronizing ("That's nice") to negative ("Stop being creepy"). So I didn't really share the story very much after that.
In fact, I hadn't thought about it much for a long time until earlier this year, when I had another, very vivid dream. This time it wasn't about me, but my mother.
But that's another story.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Hello Hump Day
The only week I'll be in town is half over, and I've got a lot more than half-a-week's work to do. So what am I doing blowing a few minutes on the blog? Good question.
There's not really much politically of interest going on right now, except it was sort of interesting to see the stories about the protestors at the State House during the gay marriage amendment debate. I also read an unbelievably stupid letter to the editor in the Republic this morning favoring government sponsored gay marriage. Just one example of stupidity was a claim that "Jesus never specifically spoke against homosexuality". Yes, he never spoke out about pedophilia or incest either, so does that mean we should stop our bigotry against those practices? There were a number of equally inane arguments, and the letter was so stupid I was tempted to respond with my own letter to the editor. I think I've come to my senses since then.
Finished CASA training, except for one class I'll have to make up sometime later in the spring. Have to go observe a court hearing tomorrow morning, and the swear-in ceremony is supposed to get scheduled soon. That could be interesting, given the fact that I wont be in town any weekday the rest of the month. I wonder when they'll give me a case.
I'm almost finished with my books for 2004, then I have to get caught up through February, since I've got to get my February financials filed with WSI by the end of the week. Tedium.
The meeting yesterday with a prospective client was interesting. They're in the motorcycle/scooter/atv business, and now I'm wanting one. I didn't know that the big motorcycle makers have left the under-500cc market. This guy's working to replace that market with his imports, which sounds like a great opportunity. This might be a fun web project to work on.
I've really got to get busy finding an IMC. The business is poised to really take off, and just needs somebody paying attention to it full-time. I've got to keep the money coming in by doing the independent consulting until there's a big enough client base to let me get back to just focusing on the web part.
Can't find my November AMEX statement. How irritating. But I also need to get some invoices out the door and get to the bank to make a deposit, so I'll let that cheer me up.
There's not really much politically of interest going on right now, except it was sort of interesting to see the stories about the protestors at the State House during the gay marriage amendment debate. I also read an unbelievably stupid letter to the editor in the Republic this morning favoring government sponsored gay marriage. Just one example of stupidity was a claim that "Jesus never specifically spoke against homosexuality". Yes, he never spoke out about pedophilia or incest either, so does that mean we should stop our bigotry against those practices? There were a number of equally inane arguments, and the letter was so stupid I was tempted to respond with my own letter to the editor. I think I've come to my senses since then.
Finished CASA training, except for one class I'll have to make up sometime later in the spring. Have to go observe a court hearing tomorrow morning, and the swear-in ceremony is supposed to get scheduled soon. That could be interesting, given the fact that I wont be in town any weekday the rest of the month. I wonder when they'll give me a case.
I'm almost finished with my books for 2004, then I have to get caught up through February, since I've got to get my February financials filed with WSI by the end of the week. Tedium.
The meeting yesterday with a prospective client was interesting. They're in the motorcycle/scooter/atv business, and now I'm wanting one. I didn't know that the big motorcycle makers have left the under-500cc market. This guy's working to replace that market with his imports, which sounds like a great opportunity. This might be a fun web project to work on.
I've really got to get busy finding an IMC. The business is poised to really take off, and just needs somebody paying attention to it full-time. I've got to keep the money coming in by doing the independent consulting until there's a big enough client base to let me get back to just focusing on the web part.
Can't find my November AMEX statement. How irritating. But I also need to get some invoices out the door and get to the bank to make a deposit, so I'll let that cheer me up.
Monday, March 07, 2005
About Nothing
Today's update is really about nothing much. I had a long weekend trying to get my business financials up to date. Talk about learning a lesson - I'm going to keep up monthly from now on, because recreating almost a year's worth of transactions in Quickbooks is a nightmare.
Finished CASA training today, and did pretty well on the final exam even though I've missed 3 sessions. Looks like I'll be able to make up one of the sessions on Wednesday, plus I've got to visit a court hearing Thursday morning. They want to swear us in next Tuesday, when I'm scheduled to be in Chicago. Maybe I could make the trip home in the afternoon and drive back on Wednesday, but I hope by some miracle they change the swearing-in date to something I can make. But then again, the only weekday I'll be in town the rest of this month is, what, Good Friday I think.
Gotta go to the dentist, because one of my old crowns popped off at lunchtime. That's uncomfortable, but fortunately not painful. I think it was coming loose for awhile there, because I was feeling something strange in that general area of the mouth the last week or so. I'm just glad I'm not out of town this week, having to wait a whole week to get back home and in to the dentist to get it re-cemented.
Interesting that now we have the FAFSA's in, the colleges are sending us letters asking us to prove it. The small net income from last year, that is. They must be incredulous about the precipitous drop in income over last year. At least there's one positive to starting a new business that barely made expenses the first year. Maybe both Nick and Tim will get full rides next year. Yeah, and I'll probably win the lottery.
Oh well, this year's shaping up to be much better, so I should just enjoy the better college aid programs while I can.
Lately I'm feeling kind of disappointed in the boys. Both of the two older ones are especially disappointing me lately. For some reason all I've seen from both of them lately is incredible self-absorption, lack of any attempt to try to understand or comply with the simplest of their parents' requests, near total disrespect, and no apparent ability to take responsibility for themselves.
It's my fault, I guess. Somehow I've failed to instill the most basic values and life skills in the boys. My fear is that they're going to continue to be self-absorbed, dependent, rude, and inconsiderate. My failure is most likely due to my absence during most of their development years. They don't respect either parent, rebelling against their mother's strict correction and just ignoring me. It's totally wrecked my mood today.
On the other hand, I think this might be very common for young people their age. Let's hope so. If nothing else, I hope someday to hear from them at least that they understand what we were trying to do even though they rebelled against it.
Well, time to wrap up another 12-hour workday. Gotta find something for dinner that will work with the dental problem.
Finished CASA training today, and did pretty well on the final exam even though I've missed 3 sessions. Looks like I'll be able to make up one of the sessions on Wednesday, plus I've got to visit a court hearing Thursday morning. They want to swear us in next Tuesday, when I'm scheduled to be in Chicago. Maybe I could make the trip home in the afternoon and drive back on Wednesday, but I hope by some miracle they change the swearing-in date to something I can make. But then again, the only weekday I'll be in town the rest of this month is, what, Good Friday I think.
Gotta go to the dentist, because one of my old crowns popped off at lunchtime. That's uncomfortable, but fortunately not painful. I think it was coming loose for awhile there, because I was feeling something strange in that general area of the mouth the last week or so. I'm just glad I'm not out of town this week, having to wait a whole week to get back home and in to the dentist to get it re-cemented.
Interesting that now we have the FAFSA's in, the colleges are sending us letters asking us to prove it. The small net income from last year, that is. They must be incredulous about the precipitous drop in income over last year. At least there's one positive to starting a new business that barely made expenses the first year. Maybe both Nick and Tim will get full rides next year. Yeah, and I'll probably win the lottery.
Oh well, this year's shaping up to be much better, so I should just enjoy the better college aid programs while I can.
Lately I'm feeling kind of disappointed in the boys. Both of the two older ones are especially disappointing me lately. For some reason all I've seen from both of them lately is incredible self-absorption, lack of any attempt to try to understand or comply with the simplest of their parents' requests, near total disrespect, and no apparent ability to take responsibility for themselves.
It's my fault, I guess. Somehow I've failed to instill the most basic values and life skills in the boys. My fear is that they're going to continue to be self-absorbed, dependent, rude, and inconsiderate. My failure is most likely due to my absence during most of their development years. They don't respect either parent, rebelling against their mother's strict correction and just ignoring me. It's totally wrecked my mood today.
On the other hand, I think this might be very common for young people their age. Let's hope so. If nothing else, I hope someday to hear from them at least that they understand what we were trying to do even though they rebelled against it.
Well, time to wrap up another 12-hour workday. Gotta find something for dinner that will work with the dental problem.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Disingenuous
Disingenuous: Insincere, Untruthful, Hypocritical, Deceitful, Devious, Dishonest.
What a great word. Why do I lean mostly Republican in my political opinions? Because Democrats are, by and large, disingenuous. I can't stand being misled, manipulated, and deceived. And whenever I look at the statements of leading Republicans and Democrats on issues of the day, the most common thread I find is that Republicans are disingenuous much less often than Democrats.
Democrat friends will say, "What about the lies that got us into the Iraq war?". They have all been brainwashed into believing that the administration invented WMD they knew weren't there to get us into the war. Here's my first example; Democrat leaders who want so desperately to unseat GW Bush did all they could to imply and say outright that Bush "misled", "lied", and "overstated" the threat of Saddam. There's exhibit number 1: The administration, along with virtually everyone else in the world, believed that Saddam had WMD. Believing something that later turns out to be incorrect does not make one a liar. That Saddam does not seem to have been a direct consipirator with 9/11 does not mean he was not a collaborator and financier of terrorism.
Need some more examples? Let's take the Social Security Reform proposal. If Democrats were united against a private investment option for younger workers based on some identifiable practical or moral argument, we would have heard it by now. Instead, all we get is stuff about the "dangerous scheme", "cutting benefits by up to 40%", "enriching Wall Street millionaires", and "destroying the safety net for seniors". All together now - Disingenuous!
A quick exercise with my calculator tells me that any working person earning an average of $50K per year over a 40-year working life will have well over $120K in their personal account when they retire. The plan Bush introduced would put that money into an annuity that would supplement the Social Security income they also receive. It doesn't make anybody rich, but it's not a bad supplement.
Why do Democrats oppose this so vociferously? They won't tell anybody the real reasons, because the real reasons are: 1) It takes part of the Social Security surplus out of the budget that they're used to spending on other things, 2) It takes more power away from them and gives it to the people, which hurts their re-election chances, and 3) There is no way they will let Bush succeed in anything on his agenda, even or especially if it's a good idea.
How about one more example - Judicial Appointments. They seem prepared to block all of Bush's judges by threatening filibusters whenever they're brought to the floor for a vote. Why won't they let Bush nominate any judges? They say it's because they are too "radical" and "right-wing". Labels that are not only insulting to the highly qualified men and women they are blocking, but highly disingenouous.
What are the real reasons? 1) They know Roe v. Wade was a constitutionally indefensible decision by an activist liberal court that might get overturned in a court that actually believes in fulfilling its constitutional duty. 2) They want to block any judicial appointments until they get one of their own in office, who will appoint a gaggle of Ginsbergs to finish the job of shredding the constitution in legislating for liberal causes from the bench. And, or course, 3) Just to make it as hard as possible for Bush to get anything done.
In our own state, where the Democrats lost control of the legislature in last year's election, the Democrats walked out to stop debate and passage of scores of bills. Some of the bills may be good and some bad, but rather than stand their ground and tell everyone why they oppose certain legislative initiatives, they choose to walk out and deny a quorum. One of the bills is a very simple requirement that voters show legally issued identification (Driver's license or equivalent) before they be allowed to cast their vote. Why do they say they oppose the idea? Because it amounts to a "poll tax"; that it's too difficult for some poor people to acquire a government-issued ID or even bring their birth certificate along to the polling place. Baloney. What's their real reason for opposition? Dead people and felons and other fraudulent voters have been keeping their candidates employed for decades, and will probably lose if there's an actual requirement that they be legitimate voters.
The word for today - Children, can you say "Disingenuous"? Very good!
What a great word. Why do I lean mostly Republican in my political opinions? Because Democrats are, by and large, disingenuous. I can't stand being misled, manipulated, and deceived. And whenever I look at the statements of leading Republicans and Democrats on issues of the day, the most common thread I find is that Republicans are disingenuous much less often than Democrats.
Democrat friends will say, "What about the lies that got us into the Iraq war?". They have all been brainwashed into believing that the administration invented WMD they knew weren't there to get us into the war. Here's my first example; Democrat leaders who want so desperately to unseat GW Bush did all they could to imply and say outright that Bush "misled", "lied", and "overstated" the threat of Saddam. There's exhibit number 1: The administration, along with virtually everyone else in the world, believed that Saddam had WMD. Believing something that later turns out to be incorrect does not make one a liar. That Saddam does not seem to have been a direct consipirator with 9/11 does not mean he was not a collaborator and financier of terrorism.
Need some more examples? Let's take the Social Security Reform proposal. If Democrats were united against a private investment option for younger workers based on some identifiable practical or moral argument, we would have heard it by now. Instead, all we get is stuff about the "dangerous scheme", "cutting benefits by up to 40%", "enriching Wall Street millionaires", and "destroying the safety net for seniors". All together now - Disingenuous!
A quick exercise with my calculator tells me that any working person earning an average of $50K per year over a 40-year working life will have well over $120K in their personal account when they retire. The plan Bush introduced would put that money into an annuity that would supplement the Social Security income they also receive. It doesn't make anybody rich, but it's not a bad supplement.
Why do Democrats oppose this so vociferously? They won't tell anybody the real reasons, because the real reasons are: 1) It takes part of the Social Security surplus out of the budget that they're used to spending on other things, 2) It takes more power away from them and gives it to the people, which hurts their re-election chances, and 3) There is no way they will let Bush succeed in anything on his agenda, even or especially if it's a good idea.
How about one more example - Judicial Appointments. They seem prepared to block all of Bush's judges by threatening filibusters whenever they're brought to the floor for a vote. Why won't they let Bush nominate any judges? They say it's because they are too "radical" and "right-wing". Labels that are not only insulting to the highly qualified men and women they are blocking, but highly disingenouous.
What are the real reasons? 1) They know Roe v. Wade was a constitutionally indefensible decision by an activist liberal court that might get overturned in a court that actually believes in fulfilling its constitutional duty. 2) They want to block any judicial appointments until they get one of their own in office, who will appoint a gaggle of Ginsbergs to finish the job of shredding the constitution in legislating for liberal causes from the bench. And, or course, 3) Just to make it as hard as possible for Bush to get anything done.
In our own state, where the Democrats lost control of the legislature in last year's election, the Democrats walked out to stop debate and passage of scores of bills. Some of the bills may be good and some bad, but rather than stand their ground and tell everyone why they oppose certain legislative initiatives, they choose to walk out and deny a quorum. One of the bills is a very simple requirement that voters show legally issued identification (Driver's license or equivalent) before they be allowed to cast their vote. Why do they say they oppose the idea? Because it amounts to a "poll tax"; that it's too difficult for some poor people to acquire a government-issued ID or even bring their birth certificate along to the polling place. Baloney. What's their real reason for opposition? Dead people and felons and other fraudulent voters have been keeping their candidates employed for decades, and will probably lose if there's an actual requirement that they be legitimate voters.
The word for today - Children, can you say "Disingenuous"? Very good!
Approaching Normal
That bug (flu most likely) was pretty much the worst I've had in a few years. Adding to the misery was an inability to just take a day off to rest. The best I could do was take off early the first day (5 O'Clock) and spend lunch breaks with my feet up in the hotel room. Finally, I'm approaching normal with just a nagging cough that refuses to go away.
Was happy to have Nick home at least for the weekend, even though he made it abundantly clear to all of us how much he hated it. Depressing, because it feels like hating home = hating us (me). I know it's partly the house, which we moved into his Junior Year in HS, so it's not really home. I much preferred the house in town myself, but the country seems to make Claudia happy. And partly the isolation, being way out in the country and away from friends. But we all did our best to make him feel welcome. Guess we failed.
I was only home for the weekend, so I tried to make room to spend as much time with my eldest as possible, and am happy to have at least had that time. Back out the door first thing Monday morning, catching the CASA class before heading back to Chi-Town.
Things are really picking up on the business front. I came back from Chicago to 3 checks in the mailbox. That's exciting, but it also means there are hours and hours of work that must be done that I have no idea how I'll be able to do it all. I really need some help, but it's a little too early to go out and hire someone. The definition of the rock and hard place.
Speaking of which, time to stop messing around in blogger and get to work.
Was happy to have Nick home at least for the weekend, even though he made it abundantly clear to all of us how much he hated it. Depressing, because it feels like hating home = hating us (me). I know it's partly the house, which we moved into his Junior Year in HS, so it's not really home. I much preferred the house in town myself, but the country seems to make Claudia happy. And partly the isolation, being way out in the country and away from friends. But we all did our best to make him feel welcome. Guess we failed.
I was only home for the weekend, so I tried to make room to spend as much time with my eldest as possible, and am happy to have at least had that time. Back out the door first thing Monday morning, catching the CASA class before heading back to Chi-Town.
Things are really picking up on the business front. I came back from Chicago to 3 checks in the mailbox. That's exciting, but it also means there are hours and hours of work that must be done that I have no idea how I'll be able to do it all. I really need some help, but it's a little too early to go out and hire someone. The definition of the rock and hard place.
Speaking of which, time to stop messing around in blogger and get to work.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Oh No I'm Sick
I can't believe it. Whatever it is, it seems to have started with Tim, moved on to Chris, and now I have it. My day started out OK, just a little tired and creaky feeling in the morning. But as the day has progressed, I have been feeling worse and worse, until right now I feel like a truck ran over me.
Time to go home. On the way I'll stop and get whatever looks like it might work for my symptoms. I'm so ticked, as I've really been staying away from all the flus and other stuff that went around all winter. Now I get hammered. Plus, I'm supposed to head back to Chicago right after my morning class tomorrow. Well, we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
I used to wonder which of my sons would be married first, or which was most likely to make me a grandpa first. For a long time, I expected it would be Tim, who has pretty much always had the girls hanging around and never lacked for female companionship.
But now I'm changing my prediction to Nick. But you say that Nick doesn't even have a prospective girlfriend right now? True, but he seems pretty focused (dare I suggest consumed) with finding one. I could be off base, but it seems like Nick's at the stage where he's actively seeking "the one". Tim's nowhere near that mindset. Therefore my prediction - Nick will stumble across his dream girl before 2005 is over, and will marry her shortly after graduation.
Of course, now that I've made the prediction, Nick will probably read my blog and be motivated to prove me wrong, just blowing up the whole thing altogether. Even so, I'll stick with it at least until I find evidence that makes me change my mind.
Trying to have a little fun in the midst of misery helps just a little.
Time to go home. On the way I'll stop and get whatever looks like it might work for my symptoms. I'm so ticked, as I've really been staying away from all the flus and other stuff that went around all winter. Now I get hammered. Plus, I'm supposed to head back to Chicago right after my morning class tomorrow. Well, we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
I used to wonder which of my sons would be married first, or which was most likely to make me a grandpa first. For a long time, I expected it would be Tim, who has pretty much always had the girls hanging around and never lacked for female companionship.
But now I'm changing my prediction to Nick. But you say that Nick doesn't even have a prospective girlfriend right now? True, but he seems pretty focused (dare I suggest consumed) with finding one. I could be off base, but it seems like Nick's at the stage where he's actively seeking "the one". Tim's nowhere near that mindset. Therefore my prediction - Nick will stumble across his dream girl before 2005 is over, and will marry her shortly after graduation.
Of course, now that I've made the prediction, Nick will probably read my blog and be motivated to prove me wrong, just blowing up the whole thing altogether. Even so, I'll stick with it at least until I find evidence that makes me change my mind.
Trying to have a little fun in the midst of misery helps just a little.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Racial Ramblings
I haven't been able to blog for awhile, between an outrageous schedule and lacking a connection to the net in the evenings for a week. For some reason, probably all the stuff we're getting right now on "Black History Month", it's brought forward lots of thoughts about the whole race issue. If you are sensitive and pc, you might want to stop reading now, because I've decided to be completely honest in the following analysis.
The popular societal trends and attitudes these days say that we western-european-caucasian-whitebread folks should feel guilt about our forefathers' treatment of the black race. Affirmative Action is a racial preference program that noone should dare question lest they be labeled "racists". It has even been suggested that those who don't support the so-called "reparations" movement are also racist bigots. That one suggests that we all should contribute toward today's equivalent of "40 acres and a mule" that was suggested by a Union General after the Civil War to help slaves start their new lives in freedom. Today's equivalent of 40 acres and a mule is actually quite a lot of money; if 40 acres is worth $10k/acre on the low end and today's mule might be a Ford Pickup truck, we're looking at reparations being about $450,000.
What is today's status of this problem of race in our country? Are blacks still discriminated against in the workplace? Yes, there are probably lots of instances you could find if you looked hard enough where a qualified black person was denied a job because of their skin color. However, if you looked harder, you would also find the same denial to Asians, Hispanics, most definitely Middle-Easterners, women, homosexuals, smokers, fat people, people who look just like a hated relative of the hiring manager, I could go on and on.
There's lots of talk about diversity and tolerance, suggesting that all those red-necks who don't agree with giving preferential treatment to blacks and homosexuals are no better than the KKK. Somehow anyone who objects to preferential treatment for any group is full of "intolerance, bigotry, and hatred". Allow me to suggest it is those who use those labels to define people that disagree with them are the only ones guilty of those attitudes.
What forms my opinions on the subject is a mixture of my own education and experience. First of all, I honestly do not hate anybody, and do not expect that I ever will. In my lifetime, when I have found individuals that are unpleasant to be around, I have simply politely separated myself from them. Of the few individuals I can think of who fell into that category, none were black.
Some of the most friendly, outgoing, genuinely likeable people I have known and been friends with have been black. Strictly on a racial factor, I have personally liked far more of the blacks I have met than Asians or Hispanics. In fact, if I were in charge of hiring for a technical position today, I would find it much easier to hire a qualified black than an Asian, because I have found it much more difficult to develop friendly relationships with Asians. But here begins my experiential reasoning for my opinions. In the case of my black friends, I noticed an unmistakeable trend: They were all shunned by their racial peers as "acting white", "uncle Toms", and were social outcasts among those in the closed racial circles.
My first experiences with this phenomenon were when I was a student at Ball State. My black friends were outcasts from the larger group of blacks on campus, who largely kept to themselves, and regarded my friends as some sort of traitors. It's difficult to relate to a group of people who form relationships only with people of their own race and regard everyone else as untrustworthy. On top of that, the campus fraternity members literally branded themselves and their pledges ran around campus at night wearing only shorts and chains.
Living in South Carolina for six years, where black people were in the majority, substantially added to that experience. The schools were dismal failures in academic achievement, so those who could afford it generally sent their children to private and parochial schools. Interestingly, studies were done on this poor performance, which uncovered several contributing factors that the local people had known for some time.
The high schools in particular had ongoing gang issues. Any black student who aspired to do well in school was socially rejected by his/her peers, and might even be at risk of beatings by the school gangs for "acting white". Many black students who took their studies seriously went to elaborate lengths to hide their good grades from others, and would slide into the black slang (called "ebonics" by some) when in the presence of their peers. It was incredibly difficult for a black child to excel in school in South Carolina because of the extremely negative culture.
Other studies on Affirmative Action have found that the preferential spots reserved for blacks almost always go to affluent black students. Again, to cite my own observations when I attended graduate school at the University of South Carolina, government programs simply do not work. Here's what I saw at USC:
People in South Carolina were rather upset that their own students (of all races) were unable to get into the more highly sought degree programs in their own state university. According to USC, high school graduates of the state mostly did not meet the minimum requirements for acceptance into those degree programs. Most of the students in those programs came from out of state or out of the country.
Then there was my own graduate program. I was in the MBA program at USC that was structured for working people. As I recall, approximately 25 percent of our entering class in the program were black. When I graduated, there were only two left (not 2 percent, 2 students!). Understandably, there is a lot of attrition from a program like that. It's intense and very difficult to keep up with studies in a Master's program where you meet in 4-hour evening sessions 2-3 times per week, then all day Saturday every third week. And all sorts of people had to drop out, take some time off, or failed for a variety of reasons. But on a percentage basis, the attrition of the black students in particular was shocking.
I saw a similar situation develop when I went to school for my computer degree. There was a fairly large contingent of black people who began the computer program, but almost none completed it successfully. A particular incident I had direct knowledge of was a black female student who noticed that all the employees in the computer lab were white. So she went to the school administration and demanded she be hired to work in the lab or she would bring a discrimination lawsuit against the school. She was hired, and was terribly unqualified for the job. Whenever I had a shift immediately following hers, it always took me at least the first hour of my shift to clean up her "messes", which ranged from huge backlogs in turnaround of student projects to one time when she actually "crashed" the system. As much as I would like to be able to say that there were black people at that school who would have been qualified to work for that computer lab, there absolutely was not a single one. It was a small school, and I knew pretty much everyone, and helped many with their projects. I knew who was competent and who was not. Sadly, they were not.
One interesting fact, also from my experience in the educational system, was that race alone was not the determining factor of success in technical programs. I knew some black students from Africa and the Caribbean who were extremely successful. It was the American-born black students who were incapable of succeeding in the technical coursework.
On a personal basis, we had a black family next door to us for our last couple of years in South Carolina. The father was in the Army (there's a large base in Columbia), and was a genuinely great guy. His son and mine (Tim) played together almost every day, and were inseparable. However, the mother of the family was standoffish, and we saw her very little.
One day, the two boys apparently had a spat over a toy. According to Claudia, the neighbor boy's mother was terribly upset and accused our son of a racial motive for taking his toys and coming home after the boys had their argument. This floored us, as the boys were only about 4 or 5 years old, and were great friends. Disputes over toys is quite normal at that age, and of course this one was already forgotten and the boys playing together as if nothing had happened. But the whole racial preconceptions seemed to be so deeply ingrained in the mother that her first reaction was that the argument was somehow a racial issue.
There are some, especially Bill Cosby, who are crusading to get black families stronger and more focused on morality and education. I'm in total agreement with him and others like him. Blacks will not escape their plight by forcing the rest of us to give them their 40 acres and a mule, but by keeping their families together and rubbing out the whole culture of alienation.
Given my age, I believe there have been great strides in educational opportunity and achievement. I sincerely hope that black students are succeeding in many technical programs in much better numbers, and that the negative cultural messages are beginning to be overcome.
The popular societal trends and attitudes these days say that we western-european-caucasian-whitebread folks should feel guilt about our forefathers' treatment of the black race. Affirmative Action is a racial preference program that noone should dare question lest they be labeled "racists". It has even been suggested that those who don't support the so-called "reparations" movement are also racist bigots. That one suggests that we all should contribute toward today's equivalent of "40 acres and a mule" that was suggested by a Union General after the Civil War to help slaves start their new lives in freedom. Today's equivalent of 40 acres and a mule is actually quite a lot of money; if 40 acres is worth $10k/acre on the low end and today's mule might be a Ford Pickup truck, we're looking at reparations being about $450,000.
What is today's status of this problem of race in our country? Are blacks still discriminated against in the workplace? Yes, there are probably lots of instances you could find if you looked hard enough where a qualified black person was denied a job because of their skin color. However, if you looked harder, you would also find the same denial to Asians, Hispanics, most definitely Middle-Easterners, women, homosexuals, smokers, fat people, people who look just like a hated relative of the hiring manager, I could go on and on.
There's lots of talk about diversity and tolerance, suggesting that all those red-necks who don't agree with giving preferential treatment to blacks and homosexuals are no better than the KKK. Somehow anyone who objects to preferential treatment for any group is full of "intolerance, bigotry, and hatred". Allow me to suggest it is those who use those labels to define people that disagree with them are the only ones guilty of those attitudes.
What forms my opinions on the subject is a mixture of my own education and experience. First of all, I honestly do not hate anybody, and do not expect that I ever will. In my lifetime, when I have found individuals that are unpleasant to be around, I have simply politely separated myself from them. Of the few individuals I can think of who fell into that category, none were black.
Some of the most friendly, outgoing, genuinely likeable people I have known and been friends with have been black. Strictly on a racial factor, I have personally liked far more of the blacks I have met than Asians or Hispanics. In fact, if I were in charge of hiring for a technical position today, I would find it much easier to hire a qualified black than an Asian, because I have found it much more difficult to develop friendly relationships with Asians. But here begins my experiential reasoning for my opinions. In the case of my black friends, I noticed an unmistakeable trend: They were all shunned by their racial peers as "acting white", "uncle Toms", and were social outcasts among those in the closed racial circles.
My first experiences with this phenomenon were when I was a student at Ball State. My black friends were outcasts from the larger group of blacks on campus, who largely kept to themselves, and regarded my friends as some sort of traitors. It's difficult to relate to a group of people who form relationships only with people of their own race and regard everyone else as untrustworthy. On top of that, the campus fraternity members literally branded themselves and their pledges ran around campus at night wearing only shorts and chains.
Living in South Carolina for six years, where black people were in the majority, substantially added to that experience. The schools were dismal failures in academic achievement, so those who could afford it generally sent their children to private and parochial schools. Interestingly, studies were done on this poor performance, which uncovered several contributing factors that the local people had known for some time.
The high schools in particular had ongoing gang issues. Any black student who aspired to do well in school was socially rejected by his/her peers, and might even be at risk of beatings by the school gangs for "acting white". Many black students who took their studies seriously went to elaborate lengths to hide their good grades from others, and would slide into the black slang (called "ebonics" by some) when in the presence of their peers. It was incredibly difficult for a black child to excel in school in South Carolina because of the extremely negative culture.
Other studies on Affirmative Action have found that the preferential spots reserved for blacks almost always go to affluent black students. Again, to cite my own observations when I attended graduate school at the University of South Carolina, government programs simply do not work. Here's what I saw at USC:
People in South Carolina were rather upset that their own students (of all races) were unable to get into the more highly sought degree programs in their own state university. According to USC, high school graduates of the state mostly did not meet the minimum requirements for acceptance into those degree programs. Most of the students in those programs came from out of state or out of the country.
Then there was my own graduate program. I was in the MBA program at USC that was structured for working people. As I recall, approximately 25 percent of our entering class in the program were black. When I graduated, there were only two left (not 2 percent, 2 students!). Understandably, there is a lot of attrition from a program like that. It's intense and very difficult to keep up with studies in a Master's program where you meet in 4-hour evening sessions 2-3 times per week, then all day Saturday every third week. And all sorts of people had to drop out, take some time off, or failed for a variety of reasons. But on a percentage basis, the attrition of the black students in particular was shocking.
I saw a similar situation develop when I went to school for my computer degree. There was a fairly large contingent of black people who began the computer program, but almost none completed it successfully. A particular incident I had direct knowledge of was a black female student who noticed that all the employees in the computer lab were white. So she went to the school administration and demanded she be hired to work in the lab or she would bring a discrimination lawsuit against the school. She was hired, and was terribly unqualified for the job. Whenever I had a shift immediately following hers, it always took me at least the first hour of my shift to clean up her "messes", which ranged from huge backlogs in turnaround of student projects to one time when she actually "crashed" the system. As much as I would like to be able to say that there were black people at that school who would have been qualified to work for that computer lab, there absolutely was not a single one. It was a small school, and I knew pretty much everyone, and helped many with their projects. I knew who was competent and who was not. Sadly, they were not.
One interesting fact, also from my experience in the educational system, was that race alone was not the determining factor of success in technical programs. I knew some black students from Africa and the Caribbean who were extremely successful. It was the American-born black students who were incapable of succeeding in the technical coursework.
On a personal basis, we had a black family next door to us for our last couple of years in South Carolina. The father was in the Army (there's a large base in Columbia), and was a genuinely great guy. His son and mine (Tim) played together almost every day, and were inseparable. However, the mother of the family was standoffish, and we saw her very little.
One day, the two boys apparently had a spat over a toy. According to Claudia, the neighbor boy's mother was terribly upset and accused our son of a racial motive for taking his toys and coming home after the boys had their argument. This floored us, as the boys were only about 4 or 5 years old, and were great friends. Disputes over toys is quite normal at that age, and of course this one was already forgotten and the boys playing together as if nothing had happened. But the whole racial preconceptions seemed to be so deeply ingrained in the mother that her first reaction was that the argument was somehow a racial issue.
There are some, especially Bill Cosby, who are crusading to get black families stronger and more focused on morality and education. I'm in total agreement with him and others like him. Blacks will not escape their plight by forcing the rest of us to give them their 40 acres and a mule, but by keeping their families together and rubbing out the whole culture of alienation.
Given my age, I believe there have been great strides in educational opportunity and achievement. I sincerely hope that black students are succeeding in many technical programs in much better numbers, and that the negative cultural messages are beginning to be overcome.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
What Weekend?
The weekend is here, but I've got far too much going on to be able to enjoy it.
Got back from Chicago last night, and then got up early to get my proposal ready for the prospective web client that came to visit this morning. Although it was an encouraging meeting, I've been through many like it before. Typical story is, I get through the demos, find out specifically what they want, develop the proposal for just that, then get the standard "we'll get back to you". Hopefully this isn't one of those.
If I could just get a couple of these clients signed up now and then, I wouldn't have to go on the road so much. The attraction of the consulting thing, besides it being very easy for me to do, is that I get paid pretty well, and by the hour. None of that working into the night or getting up at 6AM to prepare and then getting no result. It's a whole lot harder to sign up a new client than to deliver services that have already been sold by somebody else. It's totally shot my confidence in having any ability to sell; I'm not sure I could sell ice water to people in ..., well you get the idea.
Ever try to get health insurance on your own? Turns out it's impossible if anybody in your family has ever had a diagnosis. Tim's the picture of health, and they won't insure him because he was once diagnosed with asthma. Claudia's fine, but had a hip replacement, so she's uninsurable. I'm overweight, also uninsurable. What a messed up system. If only I could hire one or two people in my business, then we could get group insurance, no sweat.
Gotta get started on taxes this weekend as well, since the financial aid info for the boys is due. And I've got to sing tonight on top of it all. Then back to Chicago right after class on Monday.
Here's the only bright side. There isn't any football on this weekend for me to miss, except maybe the Pro Bowl, which isn't all that exciting.
Got back from Chicago last night, and then got up early to get my proposal ready for the prospective web client that came to visit this morning. Although it was an encouraging meeting, I've been through many like it before. Typical story is, I get through the demos, find out specifically what they want, develop the proposal for just that, then get the standard "we'll get back to you". Hopefully this isn't one of those.
If I could just get a couple of these clients signed up now and then, I wouldn't have to go on the road so much. The attraction of the consulting thing, besides it being very easy for me to do, is that I get paid pretty well, and by the hour. None of that working into the night or getting up at 6AM to prepare and then getting no result. It's a whole lot harder to sign up a new client than to deliver services that have already been sold by somebody else. It's totally shot my confidence in having any ability to sell; I'm not sure I could sell ice water to people in ..., well you get the idea.
Ever try to get health insurance on your own? Turns out it's impossible if anybody in your family has ever had a diagnosis. Tim's the picture of health, and they won't insure him because he was once diagnosed with asthma. Claudia's fine, but had a hip replacement, so she's uninsurable. I'm overweight, also uninsurable. What a messed up system. If only I could hire one or two people in my business, then we could get group insurance, no sweat.
Gotta get started on taxes this weekend as well, since the financial aid info for the boys is due. And I've got to sing tonight on top of it all. Then back to Chicago right after class on Monday.
Here's the only bright side. There isn't any football on this weekend for me to miss, except maybe the Pro Bowl, which isn't all that exciting.
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