So I'm discovering the downside of the CASA job. I can't discuss the case with anybody except those directly involved. And that includes posting anything about it on the blog.
All I can say is, how can people be so stupid? Sometimes I feel like shaking someone, yelling at him/her to wake up! Can't you see what you're doing is destroying yourself and everyone around you? What is your problem? Why can't you grow up and take responsibility?
OK, enough ranting. If I'm not careful I might violate my orders to keep everything private. And nothing I've said so far could be tied to any individual person or case.
On the other hand, this job is all about the kids. Boy do they need someone to look after their best interests, and I think CASA's a great idea for doing that.
I've now been asked more times than I can count why I'm a CASA. And most of the questioners seem unsatisfied with my answer. It's almost as if they can't understand doing something difficult as a volunteer even though you really don't have the time, just because you want to help. Does everyone these days only do things if they receive a direct reward or benefit? I wonder.
Burning the ol' candle at both ends lately, so of course I caught a cold. Can't talk at all. Oh yeah, that means there's no way I can sing at church tomorrow - better mention something.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Expectations
Has it always been like this, or is it a reflection of the current generation? I'm talking about expectations; those expectations we have of each other but are always disappointed. Is it any wonder that it's so hard to maintain friendships, relationships, and family unity?
What do we expect from a friend?
What do we expect from a friend?
- To be there for whatever comes along
- Non-judgemental
- Available at 2AM just to talk
- Pick up the check without keeping track of who's turn it is
- Puts you ahead of his/her own spouse, family, boy/girfriend - anybody
- Always up for whatever wild idea might pop into your head
- Always in control of him/herself so he/she can take care of you when you're not
- Total devotion
- Good cooking & housekeeping skills
- Non-judgemental
- No major mood swings - just happy & fun
- Always looks gorgeous, doesn't need makeup, and sheds the baby fat after each birth
- Likes sports as much as you do, and enjoys going to games, playing golf, or can hold her own with a basketball (but still can't beat you)
- Doesn't try to manipulate you with you-know-what
- Happy to take care of the tough and messy part of kids and leave you for the fun stuff
- Doesn't complain if you work too late or go out after work with your buddies
- Surprises you with little notes hidden in your briefcase, shows up at the airport when you return from a business trip, plans little romantic getaways without the kids now and then, keeps things interesting
- Takes care of paying the household bills, but is sure to leave you some cash to spend on your toys
- Unlimited earnings - at least 6 figures - that she gets to spend as she likes
- No more than 40 hours a week at work, and able to take a day off whenever she asks
- In addition to the yard work, he also has to do all the home repair, including plumbing and electricity, plus build furniture or something in a basement or garage workshop
- Watches little or no television - especially not sports, but if he does watch, it's a movie they both like
- Doesn't buy season tickets for sports teams, but does buy them for the symphony, opera, or ballet. And enjoys the concerts as much as she does.
- Treats her like a queen every day, worshipping at her feet. (And massaging them)
- Does at least half of the housecleaning chores, and cooks dinner half of the time. Is a great cook, but not quite as good as she.
- Pursues her favors regularly but doesn't complain when she doesn't feel like it. Even if it's been a month, or two, or ....
- Takes the kids off her hands whenever she needs a break, and doesn't hesitate to take care of the "dirty work". Takes care of the more difficult child discipline issues.
- Supports her in every family decision and never argues about finances, house rules for the children, schedules, and activities.
- Is always nice to her mother.
- Never goes out with friends after work, but happy to babysit whenever she wants a "girl's night out"
Saturday, April 16, 2005
David Lee
David Lee came into the world after Chrismas in 1962. He was the fourth child of Max, a schoolteacher, and Lori, a stay-at-home-mom. The family was struggling to get by on Max's meager teacher's salary, and David's parents feared he would strain the family beyond the breaking point.
But there was no breaking point, and David quickly integrated into the family. He was a busy, inquisitive, rambunctious child who as a toddler spent plenty of time in that glorified child cage dubbed "playpen". Because when he was outside of the playpen, there seemed to be no limit to the trouble he could get into.
A station wagon became a requirement for the family of six, including a third rear-facing seat the children referred to as the "way back". It was in this family vehicle that the first major vacation trip took place, a camping adventure with the used station wagon pulling a small pop-up camper. David's assigned seat was that "way back" seat, and the other siblings spent most of the trip arguing and negotiating whose turn it was to ride with him back there.
Despite his active nature, David was a chubby child. Most of the family believed that was primarily due to his need to keep up with his big brother in all things, including the volume of food consumption. David became so focused on food equity, he began to be called the "food sheriff" by his siblings. He closely monitored how many treats were consumed by his siblings, and was the family's self-appointed arbiter of fair distribution of treats.
Not an especially good student, David had some difficulty focusing in the classroom, a frequent topic for discussion in parent-teacher conferences at school. But he was adventurous, and showed a strong desire to try just about every activity. By high school, David participated in every available sport, played trumpet in the band, sang bass in choir and show choir, was active in scouting, his church youth group and choir, worked with his father on summer construction projects, and flipped burgers at McDonald's.
There was nothing that could deter David or get him down. He did everything with enthusiasm and joy, almost as if he was in a hurry to have as many experiences in as possible. And this enthusiasm did seem to pay off, as David was part of a State Championship with his High School football team, won an individual championship in a state weighlifting competition, was chosen MVP for Field Events on his Track team, and was elected the national Moderator for the church's denominational youth organization. He grew to 6'4" and about 285lbs in football shape, and was physically the strongest person I knew. He was for some time called "Destructo" because he had a knack for accidentally breaking things. Like a large bolt he broke when tightening it with a wrench, helping his father on a bridge repair project.
David went on to the church-affiliated Ashland College, where his parents and sisters also attended (and all but Lori graduated). In college, he played football and was selected as the student host for a visit by then-president Ronald Reagan and the First Lady. While in college, he continued his involvement in as many activities as possible, and enjoyed the entire experience.
At college he met Tracy, and told others before he'd even secured the first date that he knew she was the girl for him. He succeeded in that endeavor, and he and Tracy married before graduation. He gave up football to do construction and other work to keep his new family afloat as the two of them finished their coursework.
After college graduation, he and his bride moved in with Max and Lori briefly while they each began their job searches. It wasn't long before he landed a job as a manufacturer's sales rep for a nearby recreational vehicle manufacturer. As the entry-level "kid", he was given the least productive territory for the company; the NorthEast US.
David worked hard, bringing his usual enthusiasm to his job, and was soon the top salesman in his division. He was his usual friendly, enthusiastic, and honest self, and his customers learned they could count on him to take care of their needs. Once his orders were accounting for over half of the plant's production, other salepeople began complaining of the unfairness that David, the junior salesman, was allowed to keep the best territory for the company; which was, ahem, the NorthEast US.
David and Tracy started a family with their first daughter, Kara, and built a new home not far from Max and Lori. David and Max built the home together, using plans David had taken and modified from some home plans he liked. He continued to find activities to enjoy, from staying active in the church to joining a local gun club to shoot clays and targets.
His planning, scheming, and ideas turned to business. He partnered with Max to purchase a motor home that would be rented just enough each year to pay for it so the entire family could enjoy using it for vacation and camping trips. A plan he spearheaded with Max and big brother to purchase the remaining acreage in their housing development and launch a homebuilding company ended when the seller rejected the offer. Another plan with big brother to open an RV dealership continued as an ongoing discussion, at least until that fateful October day.
David's personality was outgoing, friendly, and fun-loving. He loved to laugh and was a good storyteller. He was open and friendly with everyone, and was never seen to be rude or dismissive of anyone. He had an easygoing faith, which he could share with others without being preachy or judgemental. He loved children, and they loved him back. When young children were around, David joined in their play. And despite his hulking presence and reputation for breaking things, he was gentle with the children even though they loved being lifted, tossed, spun, and carried around by their giant friend. (When his sister became engaged and married to another "David", everyone began referring to David Lee as "Little Dave". Guess which David was physically smaller.)
In the days and weeks leading up to that Halloween in 1989, David was very busy taking care of personal matters. Virtually all of his family and friends living away from his hometown received telephone calls from David those two or three days before Halloween. He called not to deliver any special information, but just to say hello and catch up. His elder brother received a call as well, and briefly pondered after it ended how is was very different from the typical call from little brother. The conversation was missing the usual exhuberant litany of the latest of David's plans, schemes, and ideas. Instead, it was just a conversation about life in general, how anyone could die at any time, and how he had just finished tying up all of his loose ends. He said, "I can die tomorrow, and my family will be in great shape". Then the conversation sort of ran out of steam, and there was an unprecedented silent lull, as if David was pondering whether to say something else. But he didn't, and the call ended with a tentative agreement to talk again over the weekend.
He had just finished paying off all his outstanding debts, bought a new life insurance policy and put a cancellation letter in the mail for the old one, completed the finishing touches on his new home, and generally taken care of every detail. He was happy, proud, and relaxed.
David was 26 on the evening before Halloween, when he was on his way home from work to have dinner with his parents, wife, and daughter. It was Max's birthday celebration. As the 6:00 dinnertime passed, those awaiting him at his home began to be concerned. Yes, David was known to often show up late, but never this late.
David had been driving home for dinner, running a little late and perhaps in a bit of a hurry. As he approached the intersection on the country road only a couple of miles from home, he must not have seen the other car speeding toward him from the crossroad to the left. Possibly the trees, still hanging on to their colorful fall foliage, blocked his view of the oncoming danger.
The Mexican immigrant driving the other car, who had stopped at the bar after work at a local factory and had a few too many, was on his way home as well. He was in more than a hurry, traveling an estimated 80mph in the 50mph zone. The stop sign at the cross-road didn't give him a second's pause, and he impacted the driver's door of David's car as it crossed his path through the intersection.
The phone rang at David's house. The waiting family was told that David had been in an accident, and had been transported to the local hospital. The family arrived to find he was already gone. He had probably been killed instantly in the crash from massive head trauma.
The community came out in force both to pay respects to the family during funeral home visitation, and in a standing-room-only crowd at his weekday funeral in his home church. A sudden storm dropped sleet and rain during his graveside memorial, then cleared and the sun peeked through the clouds as the mourners walked to their cars. It seemed as though God himself was weeping, then comforting everyone left behind with a glimpse of the sun's rays. His employer, co-workers, and clients sent huge bouquets. People from all over sent heartfelt cards and letters. A scholarship fund was created in his name. And since that letter did not reach the life insurance company until after the accident, his family collected on that policy, in addition to the newly purchased policy and his employer's policy.
Most of his co-workers were not church-going sorts. But those who know say that a half-dozen of them not only became enthusiastic Christians, but went beyond to become pastors, missionaries, and serve in other major roles for their churches. All influenced significantly by their friend and co-worker, not through words so much as example.
A few months after the accident, David's son, David Lee, was born. Today, everyone who knew his father remarks on how closely young David Lee resembles his father at the same age.
My little brother has been gone many years now, but I still think of him often. It sounds crazy, and probably is, but sometimes when I'm driving somewhere in my car I'll feel like he's close by. I turn off the radio and have a conversation with him, just like we used to during his brief adult years. And I could almost swear that I hear him talking to me. Crazy or not, such conversations bring me peace.
I don't worry about him, because I'm sure he's quite well and was just recently reunited with his mother. But I do still miss his friendship, his enthusiasm for life, his positive attitude, and his constant ideas, plans and schemes. My life's goal is to try to be just a little more like him in being accepting of others despite their flaws, always finding the positives in difficult situations, and staying optimistic and enthusiastic in everything I do.
But there was no breaking point, and David quickly integrated into the family. He was a busy, inquisitive, rambunctious child who as a toddler spent plenty of time in that glorified child cage dubbed "playpen". Because when he was outside of the playpen, there seemed to be no limit to the trouble he could get into.
A station wagon became a requirement for the family of six, including a third rear-facing seat the children referred to as the "way back". It was in this family vehicle that the first major vacation trip took place, a camping adventure with the used station wagon pulling a small pop-up camper. David's assigned seat was that "way back" seat, and the other siblings spent most of the trip arguing and negotiating whose turn it was to ride with him back there.
Despite his active nature, David was a chubby child. Most of the family believed that was primarily due to his need to keep up with his big brother in all things, including the volume of food consumption. David became so focused on food equity, he began to be called the "food sheriff" by his siblings. He closely monitored how many treats were consumed by his siblings, and was the family's self-appointed arbiter of fair distribution of treats.
Not an especially good student, David had some difficulty focusing in the classroom, a frequent topic for discussion in parent-teacher conferences at school. But he was adventurous, and showed a strong desire to try just about every activity. By high school, David participated in every available sport, played trumpet in the band, sang bass in choir and show choir, was active in scouting, his church youth group and choir, worked with his father on summer construction projects, and flipped burgers at McDonald's.
There was nothing that could deter David or get him down. He did everything with enthusiasm and joy, almost as if he was in a hurry to have as many experiences in as possible. And this enthusiasm did seem to pay off, as David was part of a State Championship with his High School football team, won an individual championship in a state weighlifting competition, was chosen MVP for Field Events on his Track team, and was elected the national Moderator for the church's denominational youth organization. He grew to 6'4" and about 285lbs in football shape, and was physically the strongest person I knew. He was for some time called "Destructo" because he had a knack for accidentally breaking things. Like a large bolt he broke when tightening it with a wrench, helping his father on a bridge repair project.
David went on to the church-affiliated Ashland College, where his parents and sisters also attended (and all but Lori graduated). In college, he played football and was selected as the student host for a visit by then-president Ronald Reagan and the First Lady. While in college, he continued his involvement in as many activities as possible, and enjoyed the entire experience.
At college he met Tracy, and told others before he'd even secured the first date that he knew she was the girl for him. He succeeded in that endeavor, and he and Tracy married before graduation. He gave up football to do construction and other work to keep his new family afloat as the two of them finished their coursework.
After college graduation, he and his bride moved in with Max and Lori briefly while they each began their job searches. It wasn't long before he landed a job as a manufacturer's sales rep for a nearby recreational vehicle manufacturer. As the entry-level "kid", he was given the least productive territory for the company; the NorthEast US.
David worked hard, bringing his usual enthusiasm to his job, and was soon the top salesman in his division. He was his usual friendly, enthusiastic, and honest self, and his customers learned they could count on him to take care of their needs. Once his orders were accounting for over half of the plant's production, other salepeople began complaining of the unfairness that David, the junior salesman, was allowed to keep the best territory for the company; which was, ahem, the NorthEast US.
David and Tracy started a family with their first daughter, Kara, and built a new home not far from Max and Lori. David and Max built the home together, using plans David had taken and modified from some home plans he liked. He continued to find activities to enjoy, from staying active in the church to joining a local gun club to shoot clays and targets.
His planning, scheming, and ideas turned to business. He partnered with Max to purchase a motor home that would be rented just enough each year to pay for it so the entire family could enjoy using it for vacation and camping trips. A plan he spearheaded with Max and big brother to purchase the remaining acreage in their housing development and launch a homebuilding company ended when the seller rejected the offer. Another plan with big brother to open an RV dealership continued as an ongoing discussion, at least until that fateful October day.
David's personality was outgoing, friendly, and fun-loving. He loved to laugh and was a good storyteller. He was open and friendly with everyone, and was never seen to be rude or dismissive of anyone. He had an easygoing faith, which he could share with others without being preachy or judgemental. He loved children, and they loved him back. When young children were around, David joined in their play. And despite his hulking presence and reputation for breaking things, he was gentle with the children even though they loved being lifted, tossed, spun, and carried around by their giant friend. (When his sister became engaged and married to another "David", everyone began referring to David Lee as "Little Dave". Guess which David was physically smaller.)
In the days and weeks leading up to that Halloween in 1989, David was very busy taking care of personal matters. Virtually all of his family and friends living away from his hometown received telephone calls from David those two or three days before Halloween. He called not to deliver any special information, but just to say hello and catch up. His elder brother received a call as well, and briefly pondered after it ended how is was very different from the typical call from little brother. The conversation was missing the usual exhuberant litany of the latest of David's plans, schemes, and ideas. Instead, it was just a conversation about life in general, how anyone could die at any time, and how he had just finished tying up all of his loose ends. He said, "I can die tomorrow, and my family will be in great shape". Then the conversation sort of ran out of steam, and there was an unprecedented silent lull, as if David was pondering whether to say something else. But he didn't, and the call ended with a tentative agreement to talk again over the weekend.
He had just finished paying off all his outstanding debts, bought a new life insurance policy and put a cancellation letter in the mail for the old one, completed the finishing touches on his new home, and generally taken care of every detail. He was happy, proud, and relaxed.
David was 26 on the evening before Halloween, when he was on his way home from work to have dinner with his parents, wife, and daughter. It was Max's birthday celebration. As the 6:00 dinnertime passed, those awaiting him at his home began to be concerned. Yes, David was known to often show up late, but never this late.
David had been driving home for dinner, running a little late and perhaps in a bit of a hurry. As he approached the intersection on the country road only a couple of miles from home, he must not have seen the other car speeding toward him from the crossroad to the left. Possibly the trees, still hanging on to their colorful fall foliage, blocked his view of the oncoming danger.
The Mexican immigrant driving the other car, who had stopped at the bar after work at a local factory and had a few too many, was on his way home as well. He was in more than a hurry, traveling an estimated 80mph in the 50mph zone. The stop sign at the cross-road didn't give him a second's pause, and he impacted the driver's door of David's car as it crossed his path through the intersection.
The phone rang at David's house. The waiting family was told that David had been in an accident, and had been transported to the local hospital. The family arrived to find he was already gone. He had probably been killed instantly in the crash from massive head trauma.
The community came out in force both to pay respects to the family during funeral home visitation, and in a standing-room-only crowd at his weekday funeral in his home church. A sudden storm dropped sleet and rain during his graveside memorial, then cleared and the sun peeked through the clouds as the mourners walked to their cars. It seemed as though God himself was weeping, then comforting everyone left behind with a glimpse of the sun's rays. His employer, co-workers, and clients sent huge bouquets. People from all over sent heartfelt cards and letters. A scholarship fund was created in his name. And since that letter did not reach the life insurance company until after the accident, his family collected on that policy, in addition to the newly purchased policy and his employer's policy.
Most of his co-workers were not church-going sorts. But those who know say that a half-dozen of them not only became enthusiastic Christians, but went beyond to become pastors, missionaries, and serve in other major roles for their churches. All influenced significantly by their friend and co-worker, not through words so much as example.
A few months after the accident, David's son, David Lee, was born. Today, everyone who knew his father remarks on how closely young David Lee resembles his father at the same age.
My little brother has been gone many years now, but I still think of him often. It sounds crazy, and probably is, but sometimes when I'm driving somewhere in my car I'll feel like he's close by. I turn off the radio and have a conversation with him, just like we used to during his brief adult years. And I could almost swear that I hear him talking to me. Crazy or not, such conversations bring me peace.
I don't worry about him, because I'm sure he's quite well and was just recently reunited with his mother. But I do still miss his friendship, his enthusiasm for life, his positive attitude, and his constant ideas, plans and schemes. My life's goal is to try to be just a little more like him in being accepting of others despite their flaws, always finding the positives in difficult situations, and staying optimistic and enthusiastic in everything I do.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Stupid Surveys
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: "We're $21 billion in size and we have been operating for a long time ..."
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? My whiteboard on the wall next to my desk
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Dune DVD (Sci-Fi Channel Version)
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 8:30pm
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? "Lucky One" by Amy Grant.
7. When did you last step outside? At 6:00 when I came back to the office.
8. What were you doing? coming back and walking in from the car?
9. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? a blog.
10. What are you wearing? SAS black shoes, khaki pants, blue checked shirt.
11. Did you dream last night? Always.
12. When did you last laugh? Hmm. I guess when I briefly saw a funny video on TV (AFV). Yesterday?
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Bulletin Board, Whiteboard, that's pretty much it. I know, I need to do better decorating my office. But that's for girls.
14. Seen anything weird lately? A small pickup truck upside-down in the ditch last weekend.
15. What do you think of this quiz? Waste of time. B@&#$&'s!
16. What is the last film you saw? in theatres, Robots in Florida I think. Disappointing.
17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what are some things you would buy? New home absolutely first. Car, but nothing terribly flashy, just comfortable. Something just for fun - maybe an airplane?
18. Tell me something about you that I don't know: I've played "spin the bottle" with really hot ladies on a beach on the Baltic Sea. (Don't tell anybody, it's a secret)
19. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Appoint myself dictator of the world. Slap down the bad, raise up the good, and proclaim to everybody else the edict that they get along with each other from now on "or else!".
20. Do you like to dance? When I was young and buff. No way now.
21. George Bush... The President. Like some policies and dislike others. Better than either Gore or Kerry, but far from my ideal pres. Gets a bad rap from ignorant people.
22. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Sarah.
23. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Nicholas - already did that.
24. Would you ever consider living abroad? Maybe temporarily. Depends on the country. Most countries outside the US are awful, nasty, grubby places.
25. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Ha Ha, got you good, didn't I?
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? My whiteboard on the wall next to my desk
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Dune DVD (Sci-Fi Channel Version)
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 8:30pm
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? "Lucky One" by Amy Grant.
7. When did you last step outside? At 6:00 when I came back to the office.
8. What were you doing? coming back and walking in from the car?
9. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? a blog.
10. What are you wearing? SAS black shoes, khaki pants, blue checked shirt.
11. Did you dream last night? Always.
12. When did you last laugh? Hmm. I guess when I briefly saw a funny video on TV (AFV). Yesterday?
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Bulletin Board, Whiteboard, that's pretty much it. I know, I need to do better decorating my office. But that's for girls.
14. Seen anything weird lately? A small pickup truck upside-down in the ditch last weekend.
15. What do you think of this quiz? Waste of time. B@&#$&'s!
16. What is the last film you saw? in theatres, Robots in Florida I think. Disappointing.
17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what are some things you would buy? New home absolutely first. Car, but nothing terribly flashy, just comfortable. Something just for fun - maybe an airplane?
18. Tell me something about you that I don't know: I've played "spin the bottle" with really hot ladies on a beach on the Baltic Sea. (Don't tell anybody, it's a secret)
19. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Appoint myself dictator of the world. Slap down the bad, raise up the good, and proclaim to everybody else the edict that they get along with each other from now on "or else!".
20. Do you like to dance? When I was young and buff. No way now.
21. George Bush... The President. Like some policies and dislike others. Better than either Gore or Kerry, but far from my ideal pres. Gets a bad rap from ignorant people.
22. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Sarah.
23. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Nicholas - already did that.
24. Would you ever consider living abroad? Maybe temporarily. Depends on the country. Most countries outside the US are awful, nasty, grubby places.
25. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Ha Ha, got you good, didn't I?
Tales from the Twilight Zone
When I took Chris to Florida for Spring Break a couple of weeks ago, part of our adventure was a day at Epcot (Disney). The entire day felt like deja vu, as I looked over faces in the crowd.
There must have been, hmm, at least a dozen faces in the crowd that looked eerily familiar. Not like I think I may have seen that person before, but like I should really know that person. But no amount of brain-racking could produce the memory of where I might have met each individual.
For example, there was a young teenage girl in line right in front of us at the Norway attraction, Maelstrom. As we made our way through the 20-minute wait, then shared the same boat, I kept racking my brain trying to figure out where I had seen her before. I came up empty. Her features, her walk, even her voice were so familiar I felt like I'd known her since she was a toddler. I briefly considered diplomatically asking her where she was from to try to get a clue, but decided against it because it might make her paranoid.
But she wasn't the only one that day that I saw and really thought, "I should know that person". One theory I've developed is that through all my travels I've seen thousands of people. And I'm one of those people who remembers faces, but I'm terrible with names. I've been in pretty much every major city in North America, in fact, the only US States I haven't visited are Alaska, Idaho, and Vermont. So, maybe since I've seen and met so many people all over the country over the years that I just can't remember everybody.
Then I consider another event that occurred in the Pittsburgh airport a few years ago. I was on the way somewhere, with a connection through Pittsburgh. Probably US Airways, since it's their hub. Anyway, when I walked up to my departure gate, I immediately noticed a woman there that looked very familiar. Not just "I've seen her before" familiar, but "I used to know her very well" familiar. Let me stress this point - I thought I knew her Very Well, as in Intimately, sometime in the past.
As I began trying to dredge up a memory of who she might be or how I knew her, I noticed she was looking back at me very intently. We spent the next 10 minutes playing a casual game of looking at each other but pretending not to, until she got up and strode directly over to where I was seated.
She began with, "I beg your pardon, but I just had the strongest feeling that I know you from somewhere". I responded that I had the same feeling. We discussed it for awhile, each trying to figure out where or when we may have met. But neither of us could figure it out. We tried out where we've each lived, where we went to College, even what sort of work we did, but nothing clicked. We both went on to our eventual destinations, and that was the end of it. But I still think back to that encounter from time to time and try again to figure out why we both would have such a strong feeling that we knew each other, when it seems impossible.
Like I said, welcome to the Twilight Zone. Between this sort of stuff, my unique other spooky experiences, and other prescient events, it's why Nick calls me "creepy" sometimes. But I don't think it's creepy at all, and there very well could be a very logical explanation for everything. I just haven't figured out what that explanation is just yet.
There must have been, hmm, at least a dozen faces in the crowd that looked eerily familiar. Not like I think I may have seen that person before, but like I should really know that person. But no amount of brain-racking could produce the memory of where I might have met each individual.
For example, there was a young teenage girl in line right in front of us at the Norway attraction, Maelstrom. As we made our way through the 20-minute wait, then shared the same boat, I kept racking my brain trying to figure out where I had seen her before. I came up empty. Her features, her walk, even her voice were so familiar I felt like I'd known her since she was a toddler. I briefly considered diplomatically asking her where she was from to try to get a clue, but decided against it because it might make her paranoid.
But she wasn't the only one that day that I saw and really thought, "I should know that person". One theory I've developed is that through all my travels I've seen thousands of people. And I'm one of those people who remembers faces, but I'm terrible with names. I've been in pretty much every major city in North America, in fact, the only US States I haven't visited are Alaska, Idaho, and Vermont. So, maybe since I've seen and met so many people all over the country over the years that I just can't remember everybody.
Then I consider another event that occurred in the Pittsburgh airport a few years ago. I was on the way somewhere, with a connection through Pittsburgh. Probably US Airways, since it's their hub. Anyway, when I walked up to my departure gate, I immediately noticed a woman there that looked very familiar. Not just "I've seen her before" familiar, but "I used to know her very well" familiar. Let me stress this point - I thought I knew her Very Well, as in Intimately, sometime in the past.
As I began trying to dredge up a memory of who she might be or how I knew her, I noticed she was looking back at me very intently. We spent the next 10 minutes playing a casual game of looking at each other but pretending not to, until she got up and strode directly over to where I was seated.
She began with, "I beg your pardon, but I just had the strongest feeling that I know you from somewhere". I responded that I had the same feeling. We discussed it for awhile, each trying to figure out where or when we may have met. But neither of us could figure it out. We tried out where we've each lived, where we went to College, even what sort of work we did, but nothing clicked. We both went on to our eventual destinations, and that was the end of it. But I still think back to that encounter from time to time and try again to figure out why we both would have such a strong feeling that we knew each other, when it seems impossible.
Like I said, welcome to the Twilight Zone. Between this sort of stuff, my unique other spooky experiences, and other prescient events, it's why Nick calls me "creepy" sometimes. But I don't think it's creepy at all, and there very well could be a very logical explanation for everything. I just haven't figured out what that explanation is just yet.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Conflict
Everywhere we go, there seem to be people fighting with each other. Conflict is a fact of life, whether on a national and international scale or between two individuals. I've been sort of studying conflict on my own recently, trying to understand the dynamics of what causes them to start, why they continue, and why they are so difficult to resolve.
The answer came from Tim this weekend, when I was having a serious talk with him about getting along with his mother. He made a very simple but profound statement, "I refuse to let her win".
That's it. It is so very simple. Conflict comes from pride and the human desire for control and dominance. Have you ever been in an argument with someone about something, and later after thinking about the issue more thoroughly figured out that the other person was right? Let me predict something: Rather than going back to that person and apologizing or at least admitting to them that they were right, you either refuse to discuss it further or continue to fight for your losing position. I've done it.
What's worse than being proven wrong, and having someone rub it in your face by saying, "I told you so"? Even then, don't we often rationalize that even though some unique circumstance made us wrong in that particular case, but our principle argument was still valid?
Or on the world stage, what's the biggest and most intractable conflict? I'd say the middle east conflicts, and by extension our terrorism problem, which can all be traced in some fashion to Israel. The extremes on the Palestinian side still hold the objective of pushing Israel into the sea. On the Israeli side, the opposite extreme wants to expel all of the Palestinians and once and for all claim the country of Israel as the promised land for the children of Israel.
Why can't they compromise and carve out a separate independent state for the Palestinians and live side by side in peace? Because too many on each side believe that such a solution means that the other side "won". Simple human pride mixed with a twisted theology driven by a minority of radical religious leaders. Even if the political leaders on both sides were successful in making such an agreement, would it end terrorism? No. The "true believers" will reject the treaty and probably step up their bombings in a desparate attempt to overturn things. They would probably assassinate the leaders responsible in the process. Remember Anwar Sadat?
Somewhere I heard once that the only way to end war is to win. Based on the history I've studied so far, it seems right. How many wars in the past have been resolved through the two warring parties sitting down and negotiating peace? Korea, maybe? I'm not sure that one worked out all that well. Does one or the other party always have to win, or can we be civilized enough to compromise and work things out? I'd say if one party in the conflict is somebody like Hitler, there is no alternative but to defeat him thoroughly. Or could it be said that all of our modern wars only occurred only because there was no alternative but absolute victory?
Whether between a parent and teen or two opposing political forces, can conflicts be resolved? Sometimes, but unfortunately most often, no. In each case, the best chance for reconciliation would seem to be the influence of an impartial and wise third party, who can arbitrate the dispute and help find a way for both sides to "win".
Personally, I've reached the stage of generally putting aside any personal pride to avoid conflict as much as possible. Maybe that's not such a productive approach either, but I'm honestly sick of fighting and watching others fight. It disgusts me that so many people abandon friendships and family members because of a stupid spat over something trivial. It's just no longer worth the effort. Sort of a passive-aggressive approach, I suppose, especially when I know I'm just walking away from conflict most of the time and making the one trying to start a fight with me angrier than before. I've learned to walk away from a fight (of course I'm not talking about a physical fight, but a verbal/emotional one). Because even if I win, I lose. Even if I'm right, there's no satisfaction to be gained in proving it at the expense of alienating the other person.
Makes me tired just thinking about it. Why can't we all just hear what others have to say, think about it carefully, then either agree or respectfully disagree and move on? Wouldn't the world be a much better place? Just like it takes two to tangle, it takes the same two to work it out.
Can I do so within my family? We'll see, but I'm not sure I pass the "wisdom" test. Who could do so for the middle east? Condi and GW? I suppose they're giving it their best shot, but we'll see.
The answer came from Tim this weekend, when I was having a serious talk with him about getting along with his mother. He made a very simple but profound statement, "I refuse to let her win".
That's it. It is so very simple. Conflict comes from pride and the human desire for control and dominance. Have you ever been in an argument with someone about something, and later after thinking about the issue more thoroughly figured out that the other person was right? Let me predict something: Rather than going back to that person and apologizing or at least admitting to them that they were right, you either refuse to discuss it further or continue to fight for your losing position. I've done it.
What's worse than being proven wrong, and having someone rub it in your face by saying, "I told you so"? Even then, don't we often rationalize that even though some unique circumstance made us wrong in that particular case, but our principle argument was still valid?
Or on the world stage, what's the biggest and most intractable conflict? I'd say the middle east conflicts, and by extension our terrorism problem, which can all be traced in some fashion to Israel. The extremes on the Palestinian side still hold the objective of pushing Israel into the sea. On the Israeli side, the opposite extreme wants to expel all of the Palestinians and once and for all claim the country of Israel as the promised land for the children of Israel.
Why can't they compromise and carve out a separate independent state for the Palestinians and live side by side in peace? Because too many on each side believe that such a solution means that the other side "won". Simple human pride mixed with a twisted theology driven by a minority of radical religious leaders. Even if the political leaders on both sides were successful in making such an agreement, would it end terrorism? No. The "true believers" will reject the treaty and probably step up their bombings in a desparate attempt to overturn things. They would probably assassinate the leaders responsible in the process. Remember Anwar Sadat?
Somewhere I heard once that the only way to end war is to win. Based on the history I've studied so far, it seems right. How many wars in the past have been resolved through the two warring parties sitting down and negotiating peace? Korea, maybe? I'm not sure that one worked out all that well. Does one or the other party always have to win, or can we be civilized enough to compromise and work things out? I'd say if one party in the conflict is somebody like Hitler, there is no alternative but to defeat him thoroughly. Or could it be said that all of our modern wars only occurred only because there was no alternative but absolute victory?
Whether between a parent and teen or two opposing political forces, can conflicts be resolved? Sometimes, but unfortunately most often, no. In each case, the best chance for reconciliation would seem to be the influence of an impartial and wise third party, who can arbitrate the dispute and help find a way for both sides to "win".
Personally, I've reached the stage of generally putting aside any personal pride to avoid conflict as much as possible. Maybe that's not such a productive approach either, but I'm honestly sick of fighting and watching others fight. It disgusts me that so many people abandon friendships and family members because of a stupid spat over something trivial. It's just no longer worth the effort. Sort of a passive-aggressive approach, I suppose, especially when I know I'm just walking away from conflict most of the time and making the one trying to start a fight with me angrier than before. I've learned to walk away from a fight (of course I'm not talking about a physical fight, but a verbal/emotional one). Because even if I win, I lose. Even if I'm right, there's no satisfaction to be gained in proving it at the expense of alienating the other person.
Makes me tired just thinking about it. Why can't we all just hear what others have to say, think about it carefully, then either agree or respectfully disagree and move on? Wouldn't the world be a much better place? Just like it takes two to tangle, it takes the same two to work it out.
Can I do so within my family? We'll see, but I'm not sure I pass the "wisdom" test. Who could do so for the middle east? Condi and GW? I suppose they're giving it their best shot, but we'll see.
Friday, April 08, 2005
HealthCare Revisited
Due to some interesting discussions lately, I'm inspired to post another healthcare thing. It kind of started with the statement,
"the American government's health care system is disgusting and vile. A country should take care of it's people better than that." - Penny from Canada
It's given me pause to think about the whole issue once again.
The key message above includes the assumption that it's the natural duty of a government to "take care of its people". It goes to the heart of what our country's all about, and the whole question of just what do we expect from our government. Canada's like most of Europe in that they are unabashed socialists. And of course, socialists believe the government's very reason for existence is to take care of its people. In general, the Americans that believe that are Democrats. For some, the government is just a benevolent entity that has unlimited resources to take care of its citizens. For others, it's the means of leveling out society so that nobody gets to be rich and nobody is allowed to be poor, because they believe in taking from those who have money and giving it to those who don't, whether they deserve it or not.
Aside from the politics, what about the American healthcare system? Is it the best in the world or "disgusting and vile"? Given the fact of my many years in HR consulting, which includes setting up Benefit Plans and Employee Enrollments for many companies, I think that gives me some license to pontificate on the subject.
American healthcare is the best in the world for those with the means to access it fully. Hands down. Anyone with unlimited resources or a great health insurance plan can get the best care on the planet. The problem exists for those who don't have either.
And it's not fair to say the government isn't trying to help. Penny in Canada may have never heard of Medicare or Medicaid, but everybody in America surely knows about these programs. Medicare covers our elderly, while Medicaid covers the poor and indigent. And as far as I have observed, both programs are addressing the needs of both groups, for the most part. Yes, you can start the prescription drug argument and be right, but our poor and elderly are overall well cared-for.
So who's falling through the cracks? Basically everyone else who's not rich but not poor, under 65, and not covered by an employer-sponsored health plan. The number of people in this category is increasing dramatically, and I'm one of them.
The average lower-to-middle-class family that isn't covered by an employer is effectively shut out of health coverage.
Here's why:
1. They can't afford COBRA. COBRA's required by law, and must be offered to employees who leave their company for up to 18 months. By then, they should be eligible for benefits with their new employer, even with pre-existing conditions. Sounds like a good idea, right? Yes, in fact it initially worked very well. But it doesn't work anymore because the premiums have effectively shut most working people out. My specific example - when I left my employer, the COBRA rate for covering my family was about $1,000 per month. How many people on average incomes can afford that? Actual costs for covering a typical family hover right around that range - the company I'm currently consulting with has a self-insured medical program with a rider for catastrophic costs, which they're budgeting very close to that $1,000 per month for every employee who signs up for the plan. Next year it could easily rise to $1,200.
2. Pre-Existing Conditions. Have a bit of asthma? A little overweight? Blood pressure a little above average? Ever had surgery for anything? Sorry, you're too high a risk for private insurers. They won't insure you at any price.
3. Choice. At current premium costs, even if they could access insurance and scrape together enough to keep current, it's such a high cost that people choose to roll the dice and go without.
But does this mean those people are denied care if they need it? Perhaps if they're too far behind on payments to their physician, he may turn them away unless they catch up on their unpaid bills. But generally, if someone requires emergency treatment for a life-threatening illness or injury, they will receive it. They also will be held liable for all of the related bills from Doctors, Hospitals, Medicines, Equipment, Ambulance Services, etc.
So what happens to the uninsured if they have a catastrophic illness or injury? They go bankrupt. Then at least the patient will qualify for Medicaid. Guess what that means. Right, the differerence gets passed on to everyone else in higher premiums. Medicare's already in the red, and Medicaid is bankrupting most states right now. And employer premiums continue to rise between 10 and 30 percent annually.
Sounds bad? It is bad. But what can be done?
Some say the government should step in and make sure everyone is covered. Institute socialized medicine. Eliminate evil private insurers that won't insure anyone but the healthiest and arbitrarily deny or delay needed treatments and surgeries. Expand Medicare to cover every citizen. It's Bill & Hillary's national health plan. Opponents say it will stifle innovation, lead to rationed care, and decimate the quality of care. Which is true, but to what degree is difficult to predict.
My ideas, which I outlined in an earlier blog, are these:
Let employers continue to purchase insurance privately as they do now; in fact, make sure they are incented to do so. Because the more people are insured through private plans, the less burden on the public plans.
Open government-sponsored clinics for the uninsured that charge whatever the patient is able to pay. In rural areas, the government could provide subsidies to help defray the costs.
Expand health savings accounts that let people put aside pre-tax dollars to use for medical expenses as they see fit. It's a great program already that should be expanded, but it's not the only solution.
Tort reform, of course. There still needs to be legal redress for true malpractice, but the junk lawsuits are ruining it for those who have legitimate claims.
Create a federally-sponsored insurance program for everyone that isn't already covered through a private plan with premiums indexed to income. I'd replace Medicaid with this sort of program. It would essentially be a gigantic group open to everyone in the country who needs coverage, but nobody gets it for free. There would be a premium directly tied to the individual family's income. If it's only $10 per month for a family in extreme poverty, so be it. Maybe it's up to $1,000 a month for those who can afford it but got turned down by the private insurers. And there can be different plan options, with lower or higher premiums based on the level of deductible or type of coverage elected, just like private plans offer today.
It's still socialized medicine? Yes, but it's socialized medicine with choice. People could still choose to remain uninsured, but they're rolling the dice on possible bankruptcy if they are hit with a catastrophic illness or injury down the road. And although I can't run numbers on what it would cost, I have to believe the total cost would be less than the current system.
Unfortunately, I can't make it happen, and there aren't any politicians who want to stay in office with the courage to champion the idea. Too many lobbyists paying them too much money will make sure the status quo stays in place.
"the American government's health care system is disgusting and vile. A country should take care of it's people better than that." - Penny from Canada
It's given me pause to think about the whole issue once again.
The key message above includes the assumption that it's the natural duty of a government to "take care of its people". It goes to the heart of what our country's all about, and the whole question of just what do we expect from our government. Canada's like most of Europe in that they are unabashed socialists. And of course, socialists believe the government's very reason for existence is to take care of its people. In general, the Americans that believe that are Democrats. For some, the government is just a benevolent entity that has unlimited resources to take care of its citizens. For others, it's the means of leveling out society so that nobody gets to be rich and nobody is allowed to be poor, because they believe in taking from those who have money and giving it to those who don't, whether they deserve it or not.
Aside from the politics, what about the American healthcare system? Is it the best in the world or "disgusting and vile"? Given the fact of my many years in HR consulting, which includes setting up Benefit Plans and Employee Enrollments for many companies, I think that gives me some license to pontificate on the subject.
American healthcare is the best in the world for those with the means to access it fully. Hands down. Anyone with unlimited resources or a great health insurance plan can get the best care on the planet. The problem exists for those who don't have either.
And it's not fair to say the government isn't trying to help. Penny in Canada may have never heard of Medicare or Medicaid, but everybody in America surely knows about these programs. Medicare covers our elderly, while Medicaid covers the poor and indigent. And as far as I have observed, both programs are addressing the needs of both groups, for the most part. Yes, you can start the prescription drug argument and be right, but our poor and elderly are overall well cared-for.
So who's falling through the cracks? Basically everyone else who's not rich but not poor, under 65, and not covered by an employer-sponsored health plan. The number of people in this category is increasing dramatically, and I'm one of them.
The average lower-to-middle-class family that isn't covered by an employer is effectively shut out of health coverage.
Here's why:
1. They can't afford COBRA. COBRA's required by law, and must be offered to employees who leave their company for up to 18 months. By then, they should be eligible for benefits with their new employer, even with pre-existing conditions. Sounds like a good idea, right? Yes, in fact it initially worked very well. But it doesn't work anymore because the premiums have effectively shut most working people out. My specific example - when I left my employer, the COBRA rate for covering my family was about $1,000 per month. How many people on average incomes can afford that? Actual costs for covering a typical family hover right around that range - the company I'm currently consulting with has a self-insured medical program with a rider for catastrophic costs, which they're budgeting very close to that $1,000 per month for every employee who signs up for the plan. Next year it could easily rise to $1,200.
2. Pre-Existing Conditions. Have a bit of asthma? A little overweight? Blood pressure a little above average? Ever had surgery for anything? Sorry, you're too high a risk for private insurers. They won't insure you at any price.
3. Choice. At current premium costs, even if they could access insurance and scrape together enough to keep current, it's such a high cost that people choose to roll the dice and go without.
But does this mean those people are denied care if they need it? Perhaps if they're too far behind on payments to their physician, he may turn them away unless they catch up on their unpaid bills. But generally, if someone requires emergency treatment for a life-threatening illness or injury, they will receive it. They also will be held liable for all of the related bills from Doctors, Hospitals, Medicines, Equipment, Ambulance Services, etc.
So what happens to the uninsured if they have a catastrophic illness or injury? They go bankrupt. Then at least the patient will qualify for Medicaid. Guess what that means. Right, the differerence gets passed on to everyone else in higher premiums. Medicare's already in the red, and Medicaid is bankrupting most states right now. And employer premiums continue to rise between 10 and 30 percent annually.
Sounds bad? It is bad. But what can be done?
Some say the government should step in and make sure everyone is covered. Institute socialized medicine. Eliminate evil private insurers that won't insure anyone but the healthiest and arbitrarily deny or delay needed treatments and surgeries. Expand Medicare to cover every citizen. It's Bill & Hillary's national health plan. Opponents say it will stifle innovation, lead to rationed care, and decimate the quality of care. Which is true, but to what degree is difficult to predict.
My ideas, which I outlined in an earlier blog, are these:
Let employers continue to purchase insurance privately as they do now; in fact, make sure they are incented to do so. Because the more people are insured through private plans, the less burden on the public plans.
Open government-sponsored clinics for the uninsured that charge whatever the patient is able to pay. In rural areas, the government could provide subsidies to help defray the costs.
Expand health savings accounts that let people put aside pre-tax dollars to use for medical expenses as they see fit. It's a great program already that should be expanded, but it's not the only solution.
Tort reform, of course. There still needs to be legal redress for true malpractice, but the junk lawsuits are ruining it for those who have legitimate claims.
Create a federally-sponsored insurance program for everyone that isn't already covered through a private plan with premiums indexed to income. I'd replace Medicaid with this sort of program. It would essentially be a gigantic group open to everyone in the country who needs coverage, but nobody gets it for free. There would be a premium directly tied to the individual family's income. If it's only $10 per month for a family in extreme poverty, so be it. Maybe it's up to $1,000 a month for those who can afford it but got turned down by the private insurers. And there can be different plan options, with lower or higher premiums based on the level of deductible or type of coverage elected, just like private plans offer today.
It's still socialized medicine? Yes, but it's socialized medicine with choice. People could still choose to remain uninsured, but they're rolling the dice on possible bankruptcy if they are hit with a catastrophic illness or injury down the road. And although I can't run numbers on what it would cost, I have to believe the total cost would be less than the current system.
Unfortunately, I can't make it happen, and there aren't any politicians who want to stay in office with the courage to champion the idea. Too many lobbyists paying them too much money will make sure the status quo stays in place.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Too Busy
Why take time I don't have to update my blog? I can't seem to figure it out, but here I am.
My calendar is jammed well into May, and indications are it will continue through the summer. Great for the bank account, but it raises big questions about where I go from here from a business standpoint.
Do I officially put the web business on the back burner or get serious about finding somebody to work for me? My main contact at the computer repair shop I've been partnering with for that sort of stuff for my clients left, and I just discovered they're abandoning the partnership. Just as well, as I was beginning to discover that their services weren't of the highest quality. Basically my contact there was the best they had, and now that he's gone they would be a liability to me anyway. Unfortunately, that means I've got a computer at the office I have to get fixed on my own when I get back in town. Wish I could bribe Nick to come home & take care of it. I really don't have time for that stuff, but have to keep the customers happy.
If I don't work on building the other facets of my business, I'll get stuck out here on the road again, which is a major reason I left the old company to begin with. It's kind of an interesting dilemma; I enjoy the work, and most of the time sort of like traveling around the country and meeting the variety of people I encounter. On the other hand, when I travel too much, I get lonely and miserable and feel guilty about neglecting the boys. Well, I guess now it's pretty much down to only 1 boy I'll be neglecting, but he counts too.
If anybody knows a smart, internet-savvy person who is or has the potential to be a decent salesperson, please send him or her my way. I'm convinced the right person could earn big bucks, as I'm prepared to offer a generous commission plan.
I hear it's beautiful outside - must get out there before the sun sets to check it out.
My calendar is jammed well into May, and indications are it will continue through the summer. Great for the bank account, but it raises big questions about where I go from here from a business standpoint.
Do I officially put the web business on the back burner or get serious about finding somebody to work for me? My main contact at the computer repair shop I've been partnering with for that sort of stuff for my clients left, and I just discovered they're abandoning the partnership. Just as well, as I was beginning to discover that their services weren't of the highest quality. Basically my contact there was the best they had, and now that he's gone they would be a liability to me anyway. Unfortunately, that means I've got a computer at the office I have to get fixed on my own when I get back in town. Wish I could bribe Nick to come home & take care of it. I really don't have time for that stuff, but have to keep the customers happy.
If I don't work on building the other facets of my business, I'll get stuck out here on the road again, which is a major reason I left the old company to begin with. It's kind of an interesting dilemma; I enjoy the work, and most of the time sort of like traveling around the country and meeting the variety of people I encounter. On the other hand, when I travel too much, I get lonely and miserable and feel guilty about neglecting the boys. Well, I guess now it's pretty much down to only 1 boy I'll be neglecting, but he counts too.
If anybody knows a smart, internet-savvy person who is or has the potential to be a decent salesperson, please send him or her my way. I'm convinced the right person could earn big bucks, as I'm prepared to offer a generous commission plan.
I hear it's beautiful outside - must get out there before the sun sets to check it out.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
The Light at the end of the Tunnel
Today was the nicest day I've had in a very long time. Sometimes I don't realize how badly things have been going until they get better and I look back. Well, this is a day where, almost miraculously, things turned the corner, the light appeared at the end of the tunnel, or choose your own cliched analogy.
After an Autumn of hope but some stress over the slow business progress, the winter came. The stress of uncertainty over the success or failure of the business intensified, I began accepting out-of-town consulting assignments from my former employer, and my family were at each other's throats like never before.
High stress was due to constant bickering at home, the eldest off at college making it clear he had no desire to return home, even for a visit, the "great flood" from the upstairs bathroom, our inability to get Health Insurance at any price, the sullen, angry, and absolute rebelliousness of son #2, and my absolute inability to do anything about any of it.
But today was different. Everyone was in good spirits, nobody fought, and we were even able to have a little bit of fun this weekend as a family.
Why? The change in the weather was certainly a factor. After a dismal and dreary winter and spring, we finally got a day that was sunny, warm, and pleasant. But that can't be the only reason. We also were attending Masses to commemorate John Paul II, which seems to have effected everyone in some way. But that effect isn't easy to define, other than the signs from the rest of the family that show their respect and concern.
For my part, I got the call Saturday afternoon asking me to sing for the Saturday evening Mass at St. B's, which they wanted to make special in remembrance of the Pope. Initially, I just was mildly honored to be asked, but there was a very special atmosphere in that Mass that didn't really come from the presider, the musicians, or the congregation. In fact, there wasn't that much said about John Paul II at the Mass, but nonetheless the hushed and prayerful attitude of the very large turnout told its own story of the significance of the day.
Our a capella rendition of Ave Verum Corpus turned out to be a very good choice, I think. It was surpising to each of us that we were able to put the quintet together so quickly and pull off the moderately challenging piece as if we'd been rehearsing for weeks. Knowing it sounds kooky to most people, I have to feel like we had a little divine assistance with that performance.
As the end of that Mass approached, we were singing an hymn, and I suddenly found myself getting choked up. Even telling myself that there was no reason to be emotional, I still felt deeply in a way very similar to the emotions present at my brother's and mother's funerals.
Interesting that I didn't start out this blog with the intent of writing a tribute to the Pope, but somehow that's how it turned out. My conclusion is that I'm thankful for whatever helped restore harmony to my family, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to have Karol Wojtyla as probably the greatest Pope of the modern era.
Now I hope the family harmony continues.
After an Autumn of hope but some stress over the slow business progress, the winter came. The stress of uncertainty over the success or failure of the business intensified, I began accepting out-of-town consulting assignments from my former employer, and my family were at each other's throats like never before.
High stress was due to constant bickering at home, the eldest off at college making it clear he had no desire to return home, even for a visit, the "great flood" from the upstairs bathroom, our inability to get Health Insurance at any price, the sullen, angry, and absolute rebelliousness of son #2, and my absolute inability to do anything about any of it.
But today was different. Everyone was in good spirits, nobody fought, and we were even able to have a little bit of fun this weekend as a family.
Why? The change in the weather was certainly a factor. After a dismal and dreary winter and spring, we finally got a day that was sunny, warm, and pleasant. But that can't be the only reason. We also were attending Masses to commemorate John Paul II, which seems to have effected everyone in some way. But that effect isn't easy to define, other than the signs from the rest of the family that show their respect and concern.
For my part, I got the call Saturday afternoon asking me to sing for the Saturday evening Mass at St. B's, which they wanted to make special in remembrance of the Pope. Initially, I just was mildly honored to be asked, but there was a very special atmosphere in that Mass that didn't really come from the presider, the musicians, or the congregation. In fact, there wasn't that much said about John Paul II at the Mass, but nonetheless the hushed and prayerful attitude of the very large turnout told its own story of the significance of the day.
Our a capella rendition of Ave Verum Corpus turned out to be a very good choice, I think. It was surpising to each of us that we were able to put the quintet together so quickly and pull off the moderately challenging piece as if we'd been rehearsing for weeks. Knowing it sounds kooky to most people, I have to feel like we had a little divine assistance with that performance.
As the end of that Mass approached, we were singing an hymn, and I suddenly found myself getting choked up. Even telling myself that there was no reason to be emotional, I still felt deeply in a way very similar to the emotions present at my brother's and mother's funerals.
Interesting that I didn't start out this blog with the intent of writing a tribute to the Pope, but somehow that's how it turned out. My conclusion is that I'm thankful for whatever helped restore harmony to my family, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to have Karol Wojtyla as probably the greatest Pope of the modern era.
Now I hope the family harmony continues.
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